


Raven Falls: Summer Secrets

by dfox300



Series: Gravity Falls Reimagined - Raven Falls AU [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Dark, Comedy, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mild Gore, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Monsters, Mystery, Retelling, Science Fiction, Supernatural Elements, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-07-15 13:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 50,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dfox300/pseuds/dfox300
Summary: [Part 1 of Raven Falls AU, a re-telling of Gravity Falls in the form of an Alternate Universe where the events that occurred in the canon universe are a lot darker and the story lasts for a year instead of just summer. Main OC is adapted from an unseen character whose name appeared in one episode.]Currently cross-posted on FanFiction.netTwo years after a family tragedy, a teenager moves to Oregon with his mother to rebuild their lives, settling in the sleepy town of Gravity Falls and becoming the resident mechanics. There, he finds himself becoming acquainted with the daughter of the local lumberjack as the town prepares for another boring summer until the both of them befriend a pair of twins from California, after which they find themselves thrown into a whole new world of weirdness when the twins find a mysterious book revealing several mysteries around Gravity Falls. Meanwhile, dark forces begin to make their move on Gravity Falls as more secrets are revealed during the quartet's daily misadventures in town, beginning with the teenager obtaining a pendant with a code engraved on it...





	1. Gravity Falls, Oregon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my first non-tokusatsu fanfiction. Used to watch Gravity Falls during its broadcast when I was bored, never expected to fall in love with that show. This is the first time I’m writing blind. Most of my stories are pre-planned, and this is the first one that I’m just writing out without setting a climax and ending beforehand, not to mention my first attempt at creating a fanfiction series.
> 
> This fanfiction’s main character is half an original character and half a “promoted” unseen character whose name only appeared in Episode 7 of Season 2 (fans should immediately recognize the name). Other than that, most of the original characters are restricted to just super-minor roles, victims, witnesses and monsters. Some canon characters have also been changed in terms of appearance and age (be surprised when Gideon makes his debut) and I’ve also fused a couple of characters such as Sheriff Daryl Blubs and Deputy Edwin Durland becoming a single character named Police Chief Daryl Durland.
> 
> Now, Gravity Falls was pretty dark for a kid’s show, but it was still fun and acceptable by the SJW standards. This fanfiction will contain slightly more mature themes and even a couple of “un-alive-ing”. Currently attempting to draw characters in a "half-anime" style. Of course, I’m still gonna be placing a limit to how far I can go with the adult content, since the original show is based on the childhood experiences of its creator, Alex Hirsch, and I seriously don’t want to screw around with it.
> 
> Now, let’s begin the story…

**_Ah, summer break._ _A time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy… Unless you're me._**

“Dude, watch out for the-”

A sign with the words "Welcome to Gravity Falls" is suddenly smashed into smithereens as a modified golf cart crashed through it.

Its driver:

  * A slightly-tanned teenager with a grey beanie over his messy mid-length black hair wearing a white sleeveless hoodie over a dark purple t-shirt, black cargo pants and workman’s boots.



Its passengers:

  * A young brown-haired girl with star-shaped earrings dressed in a fuchsia long-sleeved sweater and a skirt who looks like she was going to puke
  * A brown-haired boy wearing a blue vest over a reddish-orange t-shirt with gray shorts and sneakers with scratches all over his face
  * A redhead about the driver’s age in a green flannel shirt over a white tank-top with blue jeans and muddy boots, complete with a fur lumberjack hat.



“Oh c’mon! Where did you learn how to drive?” the redhead shouted at the driver.

“My license is only for a damn scooter, not a lawn Zamboni!” the driver yelled back.

“It's getting closer!” the twins screamed.

The two older youths turned, saw the monster behind them just a few feet away from grabbing their cart, screamed right before the cart flies off a rock, does a mid-air spin and lands, just barely avoiding the monster’s attempt to catch it.

**_Jeff. That’s my name, Jeffrey Cannuck. The redhead who is about to make my right ear permanently deaf is Wendy Corduroy. Outside this sort of situation, she’s pretty cool to hang out with. The kids behind us, they’re twin siblings Dipper and Mabel Pines, both with their own quirks and all but, despite our age difference, I can confidently call them my new best friends._ **

The monster throws a tree in their path.

“Look out!” the younger girl called out as the driver barely managed to dodge the tree.

“Great Caesar’s ghost, stop throwing trees at us, you asshole!” the driver swore out loud.

“Can’t this thing go any faster?! Shift to gear five or something!”

**_Now, you may be wondering what kind of motley crew we are to be driving around in an illegally modified golf cart trying to escape from a creature of unimaginable horror. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation. At least, that’s what I hope. Let's rewind_ _…_ **

* * *

* * *

* * *

**_It all began for me in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. I’m a mixed bag of races, since Dad’s a Cherokee and Mom’s Chinese-Korean. Dad was a cop, and a really good one, until he and his partner got jumped two years ago during a drug bust, leaving Mom to raise me._ **

As the rain continued to pour down on the congregation, Jeff and his mother silently watched with grief-striken looks on their face along with several police officers as the coffin was slowly placed into the grave.

* * *

**_Shortly after we adopted my dog Butterpaws, Mom decided to move her car repair business to this sleepy town called Gravity Falls in Oregon. We were able to hire an extra hand named Mr Ernie, and he was pretty fun. Really respectful too, since it was clear he likes Mom but knowing what we went through recently, kept quiet out of respect. Heck, he even gave me a scooter as a present once I got my license._ **

In the garage of a building named Cannuck Car Repairs, a balding man with a moustache wearing overalls tossed a key and a large bag to Jeff before pointing his thumb at a camo-painted scooter with a sidecar attached to it, in which Jeff’s 2-year-old German Shepard named Butterpaws was already seated in.

“Congratulations on getting your license, kid.”

“Woah, Ernie, seriously? Thanks, man!” Jeff exclaimed.

“Well, a man’s gonna need a ride to pick up girls, you know? You’re going to be sixteen, so start living your life,” Ernie replied.

* * *

**_So, yeah, life goes on in Gravity Falls until the third day of my arrival, when I found myself having to offer repair services to a lone customer that night. That was how I came to meet my first friend in town, Wendy…_ **

“Oh, what a cute dog you are!”

It was almost closing time at Cannuck Car Repairs, and no one pays a visit at this hour, so Jeff was quite surprised to find someone entering the garage of the repair shop.

Looking up, Jeff finds himself staring at a teenage girl with freckles and long red hair standing in front of him playing with Butterpaws. That dog rarely gets friendly with strangers, for her to immediately accept this redhead was something unique.

“So I heard that you’re the new guy in town, right? I’m Wendy Cordoroy. What’s yours?”

The girl gave him a friendly smile, but Jeff was surprised by the fact that she was just a centimeter shorter than him, and he was quite tall himself (5’10). Jeff also had to admit that she was quite pretty in her natural state.

Quickly composing himself, Jeff tipped his head at Wendy in response.

“Jeffrey Cannuck. I’m from Oklahoma… Anyways, welcome to Cannuck Car Repairs. We fix cars, but also plumbing, electronics, blah, blah, blah and all... Well, we pretty much fix everything in town, to be honest.”

“Ha, I see. So, you okay with me just calling you Jeff?”

“Sure, why not? So, what are you doing here at such a late night?”

“Eh, night shift at the Mystery Shack, but my bicycle’s come apart, see?”

Wendy held up her bicycle, which turns out to have a loose chain, which was rather easy for him to deal with.

* * *

It was only a week after this when Jeff finds himself crossing paths with Wendy again, this time at Greasy’s Diner. Jeff’s mother was out of town and Ernie’s got a family emergency to deal with in Portland, so Jeff had closed up early and was about to have a small dinner when he nearly choked at the sight of the person who had suddenly sat down on his table.

“What’s up, dude?”

“Seriously? I swear I just swallowed the biggest chunk of meat without chewing it…”

“I saw you sitting alone, thought I join you for a bit. How’re you finding the town? Too quiet, or just nice?”

“Well, I won’t say it’s boring. I mean, it’s near a lot of nature, like those giant waterfalls and the forest. Kind of fitting for my tastes.”

“Well, that’s a first. I always found it boring in this town. Wish I can move to Portland or something.

“So, why are we talking again?”

“What do you think? I’m curious about you. I mean, you’re really quiet and I kinda figured you wanted to be left alone or you’re trying to act all cool and mysterious. I hope I don’t offend, but you’re part Cherokee, right?”

“Yup.”

“Nice. You know, you’re probably the first guy of Native American descent I met in fifteen years. Not to mention someone around my age. Hey, I know some people here are giving you some attitude, but don’t take it the wrong way. I mean, you know.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured it out. By the way, heard your dad’s the toughest guy in town. Is it true?”

“Ha, yeah, I mean, the whole town calls my dad ‘Manly Dan’, and he’s always walking about with his body hair sticking out and screaming about being a real man and all. Between you and me, _he stresses me out_.”

“Well, every family has an odd one out, right?”

“Well, in my case, you’re looking right at it.”

“Oops. Sorry…”

“Hey, it’s cool. I mean, at least I’m the normal odd one out. I mean, have you seen my family?”

“No, I just arrived a week ago.”

Wendy laughed.

“Dude, you’re so literal sometimes. You sure you can’t laugh or something? I’ve been observing you for a while and the only expressions I see on your face is either sullen, angry or confused. You’re really sort of tense most of the time, you know? Kinds of make people nervous whenever you greet them with this kind of face.”

“Oh, I, er… Had a hard life. I know, who hasn’t had a hard life, but mine’s sort of recent.”

“Well, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but seriously, I think you should start hanging out with people. You’re always alone, and you barely do anything apart from repair jobs. Besides, most of the teens in town live in the western part where all the rich folks are, and they sure ain’t gonna come down here to make friends with us ‘boonies’, so we’re all you’ve got around here in the northeast side of Gravity Falls.”

“Huh, well, I wasn’t expecting to be invited.”

“See, now you’re starting to smile,” Wendy commented as Jeff looked down while scratching his head.

* * *

**_Sure, the offer was nice and all, but I ended up missing both chances I had to hang out with Wendy’s clique due to work commitments. But it didn’t matter, I still get to talk to her every now and then at the Mystery Shack, since its owner, Stanford Pines, was always breaking stuff. Last I heard from Ernie, Mr Pines was a con-man who runs a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack on the edge of town._ **

**_About two days ago, I was on my way back from work when I came across a pair of twins from California. Dipper and Mabel Pines had just arrived in town for their summer break where they would be living with their great-uncle, whom turns out to be Mr Pines. Now, I’ve just turned sixteen , and the twins were three to four years younger, but we three found a common interest: Doing ridiculous things. Next thing I knew, I was their unofficial big brother…_ **

Jeff watched as Mabel and Dipper arranged the attic they would be staying in for the rest of their summer in Gravity Falls. Mabel, who was hanging up posters, appears to be in high-spirits unlike Dipper, who seemed rather unimpressed by what he had seen in the town so far.

“This attic is amazing. Check out all my splinters!”

Jeff cringed at the sight of Mabel’s hands, which have gigantic splinters sticking out of them.

“C’mon, Mabel, those things are going to give you an infection or something… Oh, look, Spauldeens!”

Jeff bounced one of the Spauldeens on the floor, but threw it too hard, causing it to bounce right into one of the rafters in the attic where it embedded itself into., causing him and Mabel to laugh. Dipper, meanwhile, backs up into his bed, which Stan’s goat Gompers is on.

“And there's a goat on my bed,” he muttered.

“Hey, friend,” Mabel greeted as she approached Gompers, holding her arm up.

Almost immediately, Gompers began chewing on Mabel’s sleeve, but she laughs it off

“Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater.”

“Ha ha, that’s cute. You know what, I’ll bring Butterpaws with me the next time I come here to fix stuff,” Jeff commented as he pointed at the two of them while Dipper sighed.

* * *

**_Now, Mabel, she seems like she’s permanently positive, always looking on the bright side of life…_ **

Jeff had agreed to take the twins to one of the hills which he wanted to visit himself. At the moment, he was watching Mabel rolling down a hill of grass.

“Yay! Grass!” the little girl shrieked with joy.

**_Dipper, on the other hand, was having a hard time getting used to his new surroundings._ **

Dipper sat against a tree, ignoring the fact that a woodpecker was furiously pecking away on his cap.

**_Didn’t tell him I brought one more person along, though._ **

“Boo!”

Dipper screamed and falls over at the sight of a fish-like face staring angrily at him… Until the mask came off to reveal a stocky, old man in his late sixties wearing a two-piece suit and a fez. Jeff was now laughing his head off as he helped Dipper back to his feet.

**_And that’s Stanford Pines himself, the twins “Grunkle”._ _After I fixed half his property within a day, Mr Pines decide that I was good enough to be hired on a daily basis. Wendy's a part-timer at the Mystery Shack, not that she does much work in the first place..._**

“Ahahahaha! Hahaha! Ah hack, cough, cough, cough… Argh was worth it,” Stan commented as he finally managed to catch his breath.

* * *

**_The Mystery Shack was the result of Mr Pines transforming his house into a tourist trap, except most of the stuff in there are actually fake. Heck, the real mystery was why anyone came._ **

Jeff fixed a radio on the counter as Stan leading tourists through the Mystery Shack. As they passed by the fake jackalope’s head, one of its antlers breaks off without anyone noticing.

“Ladies and gentlemen, behold! The Sascrotch!” Stan announced as he directs their attention towards a stuffed Sasquatch wearing underwear. The tourists start speaking excitedly, and snap pictures.

**_Mr Pines had an assistant named Jesus Alzamirano Ramírez, but we just call him Soos. Nice fellow, a bit simple-minded, but fun to hang out with if you know him well. And since Soos was having trouble keeping up with his work responsibilities, guess who Mr Pines hired as his new shop assistants. Hint: Not me._ **

Dipper is sweeping the wooden floor with a broom while Mabel is looking at stuff. Seeing a large eyeball on a display table, Mabel reached out to touch it when Stan stops her her with his 8-ball cane

“No touching the merchandise!” he warns.

**_It looked like it was gonna be the same, boring routine all summer. Except for a really strange case that was going on around town. About ten young girls, twelve and below in terms of age, had been hospitalized. All of them were in a coma, and doctors found really strange brain activity, but so far, they have been unable to wake them up._ **

**_Really disturbing, to be honest. But little did I know that I would be the one to find out the reason for all these recent hospitalizations one fateful day..._ **

* * *

* * *

Wendy yawned as she stared at a magazine while seated by the counter with her feet propped on it when the door opened.

“Hey Wendy. What did Mr Pines break today?” Jeff greeted.

“The toilet and the Sascrotch. Oh, and the cart we use to ferry tourists needs a check,” the girl replied without even looking up.

“Huh, figures. Hey, what’s Mabel doing?”

The two turned towards Mabel, who was peeking at someone through the Stan-bobbleheads.

“He's looking at it! He's looking at it!” she was whispering.

Leaning back, Jeff could see a boy looking at a note.

“Uh… Do you like me? Yes? Definitely? Absolutely!!!”

Nevously, the boy began glancing around. Mabel giggled, but then saw the two teens staring at her quizzically.

“I rigged it!”

“Mabel, I know you're going through your whole "Boy Crazy" phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the "crazy" part,” Dipper commented as he cleaned one of Stan’s displays.

“What?”

Mabel blows a raspberry at Dipper’s direction.

“Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance!”

“Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every guy you meet?”

* * *

_Mabel approached a boy near a greeting cards display._

_“Hi! My name is Mabel, but you can call me "The girl of your dreams."_

_“Really?”_

_“I'm joking!”_

_Mabel shoves the boy into the display and starts laughing._

* * *

_Mabel approached a boy holding a turtle on a bench._

_“Oh my gosh, you like turtles? I like turtles too! What is happening here?”_

_The boy was clearly disturbed by Mabel’s antics, and so was his turtle._

* * *

_Mabel approaches the Mattress King inside of a mattress store._

_“Come one, come all, to the Mattress Prince's kingdom of savings!” the Mattress King said when Mabel, who was hiding behind some balloons, suddenly sticks her head out._

_“Take me with you...”_

_The Mattress King was so startled by Mabel’s whisper that he screams, drops a sceptre he had been holding and cowered away from her._

* * *

Jeff and Wendy guffawed as Dipper continued to list all of Mabel’s attempt at finding romance.

“Mock all you want, brother, but I got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now,” Mabel retorts.

At that moment, Stan walks right through the door and burps, but instead of the burp coming out, it appears to get stuck in his throat.

“Oh! Oh, not good. Ow,” Stan moaned as he struggled to release the burp.

“Aww! Why!” Mabel exclaimed as Dipper, Jeff and Wendy laughed.

“All right, all right, look alive, people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest,” Stan declared after getting rid of the burp.

“Not it!” Dipper said quickly.

“Not it!” Mabel added.

“Uh, also not it,” Soos said.

“Nobody asked you, Soos,” Stan snapped at him.

“I know, and I'm comfortable with that."

With that, Soos took a bite out of a chocolate bar he was holding before going back to dusting a mounted elk’s head.

“Wendy, I need you to put up this sign!”

“I would, but I, ugh, can't, ugh, reach it, ugh...”

Stan face-palms at Wendy’s act.

“I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it... eenie, meenie, miney... you.”

Stan points at Dipper, who shrank back in fear.

“Aw, what? Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched.”

“Ugh, this again.”

“I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out beware," Dipper said as he showed Stan the mosquito bites on his left arm.

“Er… that says ‘Bewarb’, kid. Look, the whole ‘monsters in the forest’ thing is just local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that, so quit being so paranoid!” Stan said as he pointed at a fat, sweaty man who was laughing while looking at a Stan-bobblehead's head bobble before dropping the signs into Dipper’s arms.

“Well, I guess I can go deal with the cart and keep an eye on him at the same time,” Jeff said with a shrug as he followed Dipper out the Mystery Shack.

* * *

“Ugh, Grunkle Stan. Nobody ever believes anything I say,” Dipper grumbled as he puts one sign up on a tree that says "To The Mystery Shack” while Jeff followed him.

“How did you went from listless to thinking about monsters in the forest within three days?” Jeff asked, attempting to cheer Dipper up.

“I dunno, I mean, it started out as a gut feeling, but then things start happening. I hear voices in the woods, see shadows darting out of sight, and I swear I saw a pair of eyes run by me while I was walking around the edge of the forest just yesterday.”

“Could it be Mabel or Wendy playing a prank on you?”

“If they had slit pupils.”

“Okay, that is disturbing. Are you eating Smile Dips or something?”

“What? No! Those things were banned for containing hallucinogenic substance in them that renders the consumer comatose for forty minutes, right? Oh man, you shuld have seen the last time Mabel ate those things...”

* * *

_“Of course you little angel! The future! ...is in the past! Onwards, Aoshima!”_

_Dipper and his parents stared in horror as Mabel rolled around on the carpet of the living room, making chewing noises, then laser ‘phew, phew’ sounds while giggling in a disturbing manner before Dipper rushed over and attempted to shake her out from whatever hallucination she was having._

_“Mabel! How many of these did you eat!?” Dipper’s mom asked._

_“Beleven.. teen...”_

_“Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man…”_

_“Dipper, get a grip on yourself! Wait, hang on, Mabel’s waking up from whatever’s gotten into her!” Dipper’s dad said as he tried to reassure his son._

_“Mabel, darling! You scared us half to death!” the twn’s mother said in relief as Mabel stirred back into reality._

_“Ugghh... Mom? Dad? Dipper? Oh gosh, I'm never gonna eat or do anything ever again.”_

_“Hey, Mabel, look, there's still some left,” Dipper commented as he showed Mabel an open bag of Smile Dips only for Mabel to slap it out of his hands._

_“EVIL!”_

* * *

Jeff’s jaw was hanging in disbelief by the time Dipper finished describing the events at his home which led to the banning of the Smile Dips.

“What kind of hallucination was she having? And what the heck is an Aoshima?”

“Beats me,” Dipper replied as he prepared to nail another sign to the next tree.

_DHONG!_

Instead of going into the tree trunk, the nail dented and fell to the ground along with the sign.

“Huh?” Jeff uttered.

“Huh?” Dipper uttered.

As Jeff approached the tree, Dipper taps the tree with the hammer again, which makes more metallic sounds. As Jeff felt around the tree, he suddenly triggers some sort of switch disguised as a twig which opens a secret window on the tree, revealing a mechanical box with two control switches on top.

“Woah, what it this, some Area 51 tech?” Jeff commented.

Jeff tested one control but nothing happens. Then he tries the other. A sound caused both him and Dipper to turn around just in time to see a hole opens up in the ground.

“What the?” Dipper asked as he looked inside the hole, reached in and pulls out a book.

The book looked old but well-preserved, and on its cover was a symbol resembling a six-fingered left hand with “#3” written on it.  Dipper places it on the ground while Jeff checks to make sure that no one was watching. The hole closed back up itself and so did the secret window on the tree.

“Well, what’s in the book?” Jeff asked.

“An eyeglass?” Dipper replied as he reveals an eyeglass behind a page.

As Dipper and Jeff flipped to the next page, Dipper reads out loud its contents.

"This one says, 'It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon'… What is all this?”

As Dipper continued to flip the pages, Jeff suddenly spots something and stops Dipper from flipping to the next page.

“Look at what this page says,” he said as he pointed at a large message.

**\--TRUST NO ONE--**

“That doesn’t sound good,” Dipper commented.

“Yeah, it sounds pretty ominous,” Jeff added.

"Look what it says here on the last page. 'Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust.' No one you can trust...”

Dipper’s voice trails off when suddenly…

“HALLO!”

Dipper and Jeff screamed as Mabel jumped out from behind a log, with Dipper quickly hiding the book behind Jeff’s back.

“What'cha two reading, some nerd thing?” Mabel asked.

“Uh, uh, it’s nothing!”

"Uh, uh, it’s nothing! Ha ha ha! What? Are you actually not gonna show me?”

“Why don’t we go somewhere private. Like your attic?” Jeff asked.

* * *

“It's amazing! Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side,” Dipper said as he, Mabel and Jeff flipped through the pages of the book.

“If this book is marked as Number Three, where is one and two?” Jeff asked.

“And get this! After a certain point, the pages just.. stop, like the guy who was writing it... mysteriously disappeared.”

“Woah! Shut. Up. You’re jumping to really scary conclusions almost immediately, bro-bro,” Mabel said.

The three of them suddenly heard the doorbell ring.

“Who's that?” Dipper asked.

“Well, time to spill the beans.”

Mabel knocks over a can of jellybeans on the table

“Boop. Beans. This girl's got a date!”

“W-What?” Jeff stammered out as Mabel falls backward into the chair giggling away.

“You’re telling me that in the half hour me and Jeff were gone, you already found a boyfriend?" Dipper asked.

“What can I say? I guess I'm just irresistable! Oh. Coming!”

Mabel races out of the room as the doorbell rings twice. As Jeff scratches his head in confusion, Dipper sits back down on a chair and continues to read the book when Stan pops his head in.

“Hey, Jeff, thanks for fixing that toilet. And what'cha reading there, slick?”

Dipper, who had stowed the book away under his pillow, was now holding a magazine.

“Oh! I was just catching up on, uh... Gold Chains For Old Men Magazine?”

Stan looks at Jeff, than back at Dipper.

“That's a good issue.”

* * *

“Okay, this is unexpected,” Jeff said as he, Stan and Dipper stared at the sight before them.

“Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend!” Mabel introduced the three of them to a tall youth wearing a hoodie.

“'Sup?” the youth greeted.

“Hey...” Dipper replied.

“How's it hanging?” Stan asked.

“How did ya two meet?” Jeff asked.

“We met at the cemetery. He's really deep. Oh. Little muscle there. That's...what a surprise...” Mabel squealed as she felt her new boyfriend’s arm.

“So, what's your name?” Dipper asked.

“Uh. Normal... MAN!”

“He means Norman.”

It was at this point Jeff spotted a red stain on Norman’s cheeks.

“Woah, Norman, you cut yourself or something?”

“Oh, it's jam.”

“I love jam! Look. At. This!”

Mabel looked like she was going to swoon over. Jeff was having bad vibes about Norman, and it was clear Dipper felt the same way. Just yesterday, the two of them had been discussing about the recent hospitalizations of ten young girls around town, All of them had been found near the forest and in a coma, unable to wake up from whatever afflicted them, and they were all about Mabel’s age.

“So, you wanna go hold hands or... whatever?” Norman asked Mabel.

“Oh, oh, my goodness. Hehehe! Don't wait up!”

As Mabel runs out of the Mystery Shack, Norman points at the three males before trying to leave, walking face-first straight into the wall several times in the process.

“Well, now that’s done, I gotta take a leak,” Stan commented as he headed for the toilet.

The moment Stan was out of earshot, Dipper turned to Jeff with a frantic look on his face.

“Jeff, Jeff, there’s something wrong about Norman! You think so too, right? Please tell me you think so too!”

“Woah, woah, easy there, Dipper. You want me to keep an eye on the two of them for you?” Jeff offered.

Dipper, however, was already flipping through the pages of the book, mumbling to himself until…

“Jeff, listen to this: Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers?! Beware Gravity Falls's nefarious...”

Jeff pulled the book away from Dipper and found himself looking at an entry that says “The Undead”.

“Zombie?!” Jeff asked out loud, loud enough for Stan to catch part of the word despite being in the toilet.

“Somebody say ‘crombie’? What is that, crombie? That's not even a word. You're losing your mind,” Stan muttered to himself.

Meanwhile, back in the attic, Jeff watches as Dipper looked out the window to see Norman walking towards Mabel with outstretched arms while moaning.

“Oh, no! Mabel! No, no, Mabel, watch out! Ahhhh! Don’t put your hands around her neck! Eh? A flower necklace? Is my sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?”

“It's a dilemma, to be sure.”

“Ah! Soos!” Jeff and Dipper yelled as they nearly jumped out of their skins by Soos’ sudden appearance.

“I couldn't help but overhear you talkin' aloud to yourself in this empty room.”

“Soos, you've seen Mabel's boyfriend. He's gotta be a zombie, right?” Dipper asked.

“Hmm. How many brains did you see the guy eat?”

“Er… Zero.”

“Look, dude, I believe you. I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude's a werewolf.”

Speaking of the huge, hairy and sole mailman of Gravity Falls, Jeff happened to look out the window just in time to see him walking away from the Mystery Shack after stuffing some letters into the rusty mailbox.

“Woah,” he muttered.

“But ya gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you’re a major league cuckoo clock.”

“As always, Soos, you’re right,” Dipper replied, finally calming down thanks to Soos

“My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.”

“Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again!” Stan’s voice is heard from the toilet.

“I am needed elsewhere,” Soos said before leaving the attic.

“Oh no… My sister could be in trouble. It’s time for me to get some evidence…”

“Wait, Dipper, I thought you’ve calmed down, dude! DIdn’t you hear what Soos said?”

“I can’t! Not when Mabel’s in danger! Jeff, can you help me out here?”

“Well, I guess I… Hold a sec, got a call from… Who is this number? Hello?”

“ _Hey, Jeff, my friends and I got something planned. Wanna join us? We’re in the southside of town._ ”

“Wendy? How did you get my number?”

“ _Ernie._ ”

“Oh. Well…”

If it was Wendy and her gang, it was probably something fun, but then he suddenly remembered his schedule for the day.

“Er… I just remember that I need to wash Butterpaws today, sorry. You guys go have fun, all right?”

“ _Well, if you say so… Besides, dogs come first for every dog owner! Well, next time then! Oh, keep an eye on those two dorks, would you? I heard Mabel’s running around with some stranger…_ ”

“Will do, Wendy.”

As Jeff hung up the phone, he suddenly realized that Dipper had left.

“Oh boy…”

* * *

“No, seriously. You spent the entire yesterday fliming all these? Like, Dipper, what the heck? You’re stalking your own twin sister!” Jeff asked incredulously.

As usual, Stan had broken something in the Mystery Shack and Jeff is the one who has to go fix it, though he had to clear out his workload first, which was not going as fast as he had hoped since he had lost his pipe wrench the day before. By the time he arrived at the Mystery Shack (this time with the ‘S’ on the ground, having fallen off the large signboard), it was already evening, and Wendy was not at her usual spot, so he assumed she must have gone home early. Jeff finished his work quicker than usual since there wasn’t anyone around to talk to, but the moment he was done, however, Dipper showed up and pulled him aside to show him the video he took of Norman and Mabel’s date.

“Look, Dipper, stop being so paranoid and stuff like that! You want people to think you've gone mad from leaving the city to live in a small town?” Jeff continued.

“Jeff, just watch this!”

Sighing, Jeff decided to entertain Dipper for now. However, when he looked at the video, his eyes began to bulge in surprise.

The first clip was of Mabel throwing a Frisbee at Norman, who fails to catch it and falls over. That was literally impossible, considering that even an old man in a wheelchair could catch the frisbee given the way Mabel threw it. The second clip was taken at Greasy’s Diner, which was closed for the day. That did not stop Norman from punching through the door window to open it from the inside and letting Mabel in, but then he appears to lose his balance and falls trying to follow her in. The third clip, however, was taken at the local graveyard, where Norman and Mable were playing around when Norman suddenly falls into an open grave. As Mabel went to check on him, however, Norman suddenly crawls out, sticking his hand out first and letting out a scream. Mabel paused, stared at Norman who stared right back at her, and then the two of them began laughing.

And Jeff has had enough.

“I’ve seen enough. Dipper, I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but you’re right about one thing: Norman ain’t normal.”

“You believe me now?”

“NO! I think he just have some mental problems, that’s all. A psychiatrist should do the trick for him.”

Dipper stared at Jeff with disbelief in his eyes.

“He’s a zombie!, Jeff!"

“He’s human, Dipper! Sweet skies, I thought you’re the mature one of the twins!”

“Have it your way, Jeff. Mabel’s my sister, I got to warn her,” Dipper said as he began making his way to the attic.

“Dipper, wait, you’re not making any sense! Mabel’s not going to…”

Too late. Dipper had disappeared up the stairs. Unsure of what to do, Jeff simply waited downstairs while eavesdropping on the conversation. He felt really bad for having to lecture Dipper in this manner, but if Dipper was going to trap himself in some delusional fantasy, he was going to end up in a madhouse sometime in the future, and Jeff really did not want that to happen. Silently, he cursed whoever hid the book in such a manner in the first place. Now Dipper’s gone on some wild goose chase and was probably going to change his name to Mulder or Scully…

“Mabel. We've gotta talk about Norman.”

“Isn’t he the best? Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!”

Dipper could be heard letting out a small scream.

“Ha, ha! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower!”

“How did you have an accident with a leaf blower?”

“Kissing practice! I placed Norman’s picture on the leaf blower, but then it started up and nearly took my face off. That was fun.”

“No, Mabel, listen! I’m trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!”

A gasp could be heard.

“You think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!”

Jeff gagged as he remembered how his cousins forced him to come along with them to watch that horrible, horrible trilogy.

“Guess again, sister. SHA-BAM!”

“Agh!”

“Oh, wait. I'm-I'm sorry... Sha-bam!”

“A zombie? That is not funny, Dipper.”

“I’m not joking! It all adds up: the bleeding, the limp. He never blinks! Have you noticed that?”

“Maybe he’s blinking when you’re blinking.”

“Mabel, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls? Trust no one!”

“Well, what about me, huh? Why can’t you trust me? Beep bop!”

 _Oh boy, this isn’t going to end up well_ , Jeff thought as he decided that it was time for him to intervene before the discussion goes out of hand.

“Mabel, he's gonna eat your brain!”

“Dipper, listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date at five o’clock, and I'm gonna be adorable, and he's gonna be dreamy!”

“Bu-bu-but—"

“And I am not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy conspiracies!”

The door was heard slamming. Jeff raced up to see a depressed Dipper sitting on the stairs.

“Well, what do we do now?” Jeff asked.

“I don’t know what am I gonna do. Soos was right. I don’t have any real evidence,” Dipper replied.

“Listen, Dipper, when I was your age, my grandparents and father would tell me and my mother stories about a terrifying creature from us Cherokee people’s legends. We call it the Raven-Mocker. It preys on the sick and the old, and for six years, I believed that if I fall sick, the Raven-Mocker would come for me, and I furiously exercised and eat healthy to prevent myself from getting a cold and stuff like that. Then I grew up, and I realize that all these legends and tales were not meant to scare us, but to teach us what to do and what not to do as human beings,” Jeff said as he sat down beside Dipper.

“What do you mean?”

“What I am saying is, maybe whoever wrote this book wanted to keep its readers from living life on the wrong side. See the description of the zombie? Probably the author’s way of telling us teenagers to go out and have a life instead of blindly following trends and becoming a shut-in.”

It was obvious to Jeff that Dipper was not convinced, but Dipper knew that Jeff was trying to make him feel better and lets out a small smile.

It was at that moment the clock struck five and the doorbell rings. The door to the twin's attic room opens and Mabel dashes past Dipper and Jeff all the way to the ground floor. Telling Dipper to stay in his position, Jeff went back downstairs and silently observed Norman, who was standing at the doorway in front of Mabel.

“Shiny...” Norman commented at the sight of Mabel’s star-shaped earrings.

“You always know what to say!”

The moment Mabel left with Norman, however, Dipper suddenly rushed downstairs and out the door without even acknowledging Jeff. Jeff could hear him shouting for Stan, but then he went screaming for Wendy, which surprised Jeff since he thought the lanky girl was not around.

It was then did Jeff notice that Dipper had dropped his camera.

“Great, I hope it’s not broken, or I’ll have to fix this as well and kiss my sleep goodbye,” Jeff muttered as he picked up the camera.

A clip was running on the screen, set to a loop. Curious, he decided to watch it. It was a clip of Mabel teaching Norman how to play hopscotch, but as Mabel’s attention is distracted, one of Norman’s hands fell off.

_One of Norman’s hands fell off._

Jeff’s jaw dropped. As he continued to watch the video clip, he saw Norman checking to make sure that Mable wasn’t watching before picking his hand up and _re-attaching_ it to his wrist!

“What the freaking heck?!” Jeff exclaimed.

“What’s with the what?”

“GAH!”

Jeff managed to calm down upon realizing that it was only Wendy, who was staring at him curiously.

“Hey, Jeff, what’s with you today? You’re not your usual sullen self. Guess you can make five expressions after all.”

“Five expressions?”

“Yeah, like John Cena had his five moves of doom. I've seen you sullen, angry, confused, smiling, now's the first time in three weeks that I seen you with a look of shock. Man, you should see yourself in the mirror, you look like one of your eyes was gonna pop out of its socket.”

“Where’s Dipper?”

“I dunno. He was talking about needing to save his sister from some zombie or something. Probably on one of their little pretend adventures or something, so I passed him the keys to the Mystery Cart. Warned him not to run over any pedestrians along the way…”

Wendy’s voice trailed off as Jeff showed the video of Norman’s hand dropping off and him re-attaching it to his wrist.

“Okay, wait, is that an arm bone I see? All right, that's just not right.”

“Mabel's new boufriend really is a zombie! And I didn’t believe Dipper back then. Damn it, he’s probably running headlong into danger… I should have listened to him!” Jeff cursed himself as he face-palmed and turned away.

“Woah, chill, I saw him drive into the forest. He can’t be that far in. We’ll just go in and search for him and help him out if he’s really in trouble, okay? Maybe it’s some misunderstanding. And what do you mean by zombie?”

“Well, I don’t exactly feel right about the two in the forest with a complete stranger.”

“Then what are we waiting for? Grab a tool and let’s go help Dipper out.”

Jeff nearly had a heart-attack when he saw Wendy wielding a woodcutter’s axe while holding out a pipe wrench to him.

“Where did you get that axe from?”

“Oh, this? I always carry it around with me. Not exactly safe for a girl to be walking around town at night on her own in this part of the town, you know?”

Jeff meekly nodded as he took the pipe wrench from her but then…

“Hey, wait a minute, isn’t this the one I misplaced yesterday?”

“Oh, Stan took it, actually.”

Silence.

“I’m charging him extra this time round,” Jeff said.

Five minutes later, the two were following the cart tracks through the forest. As they continued walking, the two began picking up sounds in front of them. Sneaking forward, both teens were completely caught off-guard by what they were looking at.

“Darn mud! C’mon! Get out of the mud!” Dipper yelled as he tried to free the cart from a mud bank.

“Dipper?” Jeff and Wendy asked in unison.

“Ah, guys! What are you doing here?”

“Er… Zombie hunt?” Jeff replied.

“You didn’t believe me before!” Dipper yelled at him.

“Yeah, until you dropped your video camera, and both Wendy and I saw Norman’s arm dropped off!”

“So you believe me now?”

“Duh! Now move and let me deal with the cart in the mud.”

Years of carrying about heavy stuff has done wonders to Jeff’s arms as he easily lifted the Mystery Cart out of the mud and back onto dry land.

“Wait, are these modifications legal?” Jeff asked as he realized that the cart had been altered into something akin to a cart-shaped racing kart.

“I’ll explain it to you later,” Wendy replied.

As the three got into the cart, Dipper turned to Jeff.

“Hey, Jeff, I’m sorry I lashed out at you just now…”

“Look, Dipper, even if we’re wrong and everything turns out to be just us scaring ourselves with our imagination, it’s sort of common sense that an older male bringing a young girl into the forest only means something bad, get it?”

* * *

In an isolated area of the forest, Norman stopped in his tracks and turned to face Mabel, who was happily tagging behind him.

“Uh, Mabel, now that we’ve gotten to know each other, there’s... there’s something I should tell you.”

“Oh, Norman, you can tell me anything!” Mabel replied while in her mind, she was hoping that Norman turns out to be a vampire.

“All right, just... just don’t freak out, okay? Just... just keep an open mind, be cool!”

Norman unzips his coat and throws it off, and what Mabel sees under the coat left her in total shock.

What had initially appeared to be “Norman” was actually five gnomes standing on top of each other, with the two gnomes in the middle holding prop hands with sticks attached to them.

“Is this weird? Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?” the top gnome asked.

Mabel continued to stare blankly at the gnomes.

“R-r-right, I’ll explain. So! We’re gnomes. First off. Get that one outta the way. I’m Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason and... I’m sorry, I always forget your name.”

“Shmebulock.”

“Shmebulock! Yes! Anyways, long story short, us gnomes have been looking for a new queen! Right, guys?

“Queen! Queen! Queen!”

“Heh. So what do you say? Will you join us in holy matrignomey? Matri...matri-mo-ny! Blah! Can’t talk today!”

The gnomes, still holding their position, managed to make a kneeling figure. By now, Mabel had gotten over her shock, and it was as though a balloon inside of her had burst as disappointment began setting in.

“Look... I'm sorry, guys. You're really sweet, but, I'm a girl, and you're gnomes, and it's like, "what"? Yikes...”

“We understand. We'll never forget you, Mabel…”

The gnomes look sad and Mabel gave them a reassuring smiles, but then the sad expressions on the gnomes suddenly turned into aggressive ones.

“Because we're gonna kidnap you!”

“Huh?”

With that, Gnome Jeff lunged at Mabel, who screams in horror. Before long, all five gnomes were holding her down as she tried to shake them off, showing herself to be quite a good fighter despite her age and size.

Just then, a familiar voice reaches Mabel’s ears.

“Don't worry, Mabel! I'll save you from that zombie!”

“Dipper! Help!”

“The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody! Just, ha ha, okay. Get her arm there, Steve!”

Gnome Steve starts biting at Mabel’s sweater’s sleeve, but is then violently shaken by her before she punches him in the face, causing Gnome Steve to tumble all the way into a tree, hitting his head so hard that when he got to his feet, he literally puked a rainbow out.

It was at this moment the Mystery Cart burst out from a bush.

“What the heck is going on here?!” Dipper demanded as he rushed out of the Mystery Cart to confront the gnomes.

“Dipper! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total jerks! Hair! Hair! Hair!” Mabel cried out as she struggled against one of the gnomes that was pulling at her hair.

“Gnomes? Huh, I was way off. Let’s see what’s written in the book. Gnomes: little men of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses: unknown."

“Dude, why are you reading the book now? All of you, clear off her, now!”

Despite his surprise at the sight of the gnomes, Jeff swats them away from Mabel, whom was helped to her feet by Wendy, who looked as astonished as Jeff at the sight of the gnomes.

“Okay, according to my childhood fantasies, I don’t remember gnomes being kidnapping scums. You better explain yourselves,” Jeff demanded as he waved his pipe wrench at the gnomes in a threatening manner.

“Woah, woah, woah, take it easy! This is just a misunderstanding, you see! I’m Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason and Shmebulock...”

“Oh great, I share first names with a three-inch kidnapper. All right, Gnome Jeff, you better give me a good reason before I turn you into a gnome-ato.”

“Oh! Ha, ha, You see, the girl’s not in danger. She's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity! Isn't that right, honey?”

“You guys are butt-faces!” Mabel snapped back.

“Hey, wait a minute… Why the heck is it that only ten of you have brown beards and the rest look like old men?”

“Oh, we regain our youthful looks from our gnome queen, see? Mabel was going to be our eleventh queen.”

“Why would you need eleven queens if the gnome queen was supposed to be eternal? I don’t buy it,” Wendy asked.

"Oh, our previous queens gave us the gift of youth, but the strain caused them to fall unconscious, so..."

“Jeff, Wendy, remember the recent cases of girls aged twelve and below falling into a coma?” Dipper suddenly asked.

“Yeah, I remember, and they were all found near the forest, right?” Wendy added.

“Now I GET IT! You guys aren’t as innocent as you look! Wedding’s cancelled!"

“You think you can stop us, human Jeff? You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the—

Jeff kicks Gnome Jeff into a tree, causing him to cough out a ball of light that immediately shot into the air. At the same time, Gnome Jeff’s beard began turning from brown to white and his appearance began to become older.

As the other gnomes rushed Jeff, the mechanic lets out a bloodcurdling war-cry and began bashing them away, specifically targeting the brown-haired ones. As each of the young-looking gnomes are struck, they vomit out balls of light and turned older in appearance. Finally, once all the youthful gnomes had been dealt with, Jeff lets out a horrifying roar with an equally horrifying expression on his face, scaring the gnomes into hiding.

“Jeffrey! Let’s go!” Wendy yelled at Jeff.

“Coming!”

Jumping into the driver’s seat, Jeff sped off as Gnome Jeff emerged from where he had been punted into, waving his arms angrily at the fleeing humans.

“You've messed with the wrong creatures, human Jeff! Gnomes of the forest: ASSEMBLE!”

By now, the Mystery Cart was charging full speed out of the forest.

“Okay, there are little men in the forest! There are little men in the forest! I don’t think I can un-see it!” Wendy said as she braced herself for a bumpy ride.

“Hurry, before they come after us!” Mabel urged.

“Going as fast as I can, Mabel!”

“I wouldn't worry about it. See their little legs? Those suckers are tiny!” Dipper replied.

“Ha ha ha, that’s a nice one, Dipper. Oh, wait… Uh oh…”

The four of them heard sounds of stomping behind them, shortly before they peeked at the side-view mirror of the cart to see a giant stacked gnome chasing after them.

“Oh, you got to be kidding me, a gnolem?” Jeff exclaimed.

“Gnolem?” the other three asked in unison.

“Gnome combined with golem. Don’t ask how I came up with it on the spot, I know it sounds stupid…”

“All right, teamwork, guys! Like we practiced!” Gnome Jeff could be heard calling out as the gnolem continued to chase the cart

By now, Jeff was panicking so badly that he was no longer checking behind the cart, but thankfully, Wendy was doing so and quickly grabbed the wheel from Jeff to steer away just in time to avoid a blow from the gnolem.

“Come back with our queen!” Gnome Jeff yelled as the gnolem throws several gnomes at the cart., whom began to chew the cart and attack its passengers)

Mabel elbow punches a gnome off. Shmebulock jumps up behind Dipper, who grabs him and slams him the seat several times before throwing him out, only for another gnome to jumps onto the cart and start clawing at his face. Jeff turned around and punches the gnome off of Dipper's face, but inadvertedly knocks the younger boy’s cap away.

“Dude, watch out for the-” Wendy shouted a warning, but did not manage to finish it.

A sign with the words "Welcome to Gravity Falls" is suddenly smashed into smithereens as Jeff crashed right through it, with the gnolem not far behind.

“Oh c’mon! Where did you learn how to drive?” Wendy yelled at Jeff.

“My license is only for a damn scooter, not a lawn zamboni!”

“It's getting closer!” the twins screamed.

The two older youths turned, saw the gnolem behind them just a few feet away from grabbing their cart, screamed right before the cart flies off a rock, does a mid-air spin and lands, just barely avoiding the monster’s attempt to catch it. The gnolem then throws a tree in their path.

“Look out!” Mabel called out as Jeff barely managed to dodge the tree.

“Great Caesar’s ghost, stop throwing trees at us, you asshole!” Jeff swore out loud.

“Can’t this thing go any faster?! Shift to gear five or something!”

As the Mystery Cart reaches the Mystery Shack, it finally gives out and overturns, landing next to the building. Dipper, Mabel, Wendy and Jeff crawled out, dazed but uninjured. But then they find themselves cornered by the gnolem.

“Stay back, man!” Jeff yelled as he threw his pipe wrench at the gnolem, who merely punches it to the ground in mid-flight.

“Uh, where's Grunkle Stan?!” Dipper asked.

* * *

“Behold! The world's most distracting object,” Stan introduced to the tourists inside the Mystery Shack as he holds up a dazzling piece of artefact, drawing ‘ooohs’ from them.

“Just try to look away, you can't! I can't even remember what I was talking about,” Stan continued.

* * *

“Okay, we’re on our own. Dipper, does the book say anything about- Woah!”

Jeff and Wendy, who had been standing in front of Dipper and Mabel, were suddenly grabbed by the gnolem and held upside down, dangling from their feet.

“It's the end of the line, kids! Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy to the redhead and Human Jeff!” Gnome Jeff threatened.

“Marry? You guys don’t want Mabel as your queen, you wanted her as your newest victim! You sent those girls into a coma, right? You needed them to somehow regain your youths and Mabel was your latest target!”

“You know what this is called, human Jeff? It’s called survival!”

“You know what comes next. It’s called the Amber Alert!”

"Dude, that was a pretty crappy comeback," Wendy commented.

"I ran out of insults," Jeff admitted.

“Darn it, we got to save Jeff and Wendy! There's gotta be a way out of this!” Dipper said as Jeff and Wendy attempted to punch some of the gnomes forming the gnolem, but they were held out of reach.

Mabel looked around but suddenly saw that the leaf-blower she had an accident with earlier was just right behind Dipper. And she immediately got an idea.

“I gotta do it,” Mabel said suddenly.

“What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?”

“Mabel, what are you trying to do?” Wendy called out.

“Don’t do something so reckless!” Jeff added.

“Trust me.”

“What?” the three replied together.

“Dipper, Jeff, Wendy, just this once. Trust me!”

Dipper looked at Mabel, then at the older teens still dangling from the gnolem’s grip, but the two of them nodded to him, prompting Dipper to step back as Mabel stepped forward.

“All right, Gnome Jeff. I'll marry you.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, Gnome Jeff. Just leave my brother and friends alone, all right?”

Gnome Jeff began doing a dance on the gnolem, now that victory was his.

“Hot dog! Help me down there, Jason! Thanks, Andy! All right, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike.”

Climbing down from the gnolem, an excited Gnome Jeff approaches Mabel and holds out a diamond ring. Mabel responds by sticking her hand out for Jeff to put the ring on her finger.

“Bada-bing, bada-bam! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!”

“Oh, man, that is just messed up,” Wendy said as she held on to her hat to prevent it from falling off.

“All right, Gnome Jeff, you may now kiss the bride,” Jeff muttered as he folded his arms while rolling his eyes in disgust while Wendy

“Well, don't mind if I do,” Gnome Jeff replied as he leaned up to kiss Mabel, but then…

“Ah! Hey, hey, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa! What's going on?!”

Mabel had grabbed hold of the leaf-blower while the gnomes were distracted and at this moment, Gnome Jeff had been sucked half-way into the leaf-blower

“That's for lying to me!”

Mabel increases the sucking power of the leaf-blower

“That’s for breaking my heart!”

The leaf-blower’s power increases even more as Gnome Jeff screamed in pain.

“That’s for threatening my friends and holding them hostage!”

By now, Gnome Jeff had been sucked into the leaf-blower to the point where his face was stuck at the opening, with only his eyes and top of the head visible.

“Ow! My face!” the gnome moaned.

“And this is for messing with my brother! Dipper, wanna do the honors?”

Dipper smirked as he joined Mabel in holding the leaf-blower and aiming at at the gnolem.

“On three!”

“One, two, three!”

The Pines twins switched the leaf-blower mode to ‘blow’ at full power, causing Gnome Jeff to be shot out like a cannonball towards the gnolem, striking it with such force that the gnolem collapsed into hundreds of individual gnomes while freeing Jeff and Wendy at the same time.

“Bye bye Gnome Jeff,” Jeff said to his gnome counterpart as the latter continued sailing through the air.

“I'll get you back for this!...” Gnome Jeff yelled as he disappeared from sight.

Meanwhile, without the command of Gnome Jeff, the other gnomes have fallen into disorder.

“Who's giving orders? I need orders!”

“My arms are tired.”

“Anymore of you garden ornaments want some more?” Dipper challenged as he and Mabel moved the leaf-blower around, sending more and more gnomes flying away.

The gnomes made a break for it, with Jeff and Wendy assisting them by kicking them towards the forest. The ones that avoided the teens’ assault ran off on all fours, but then one of them gets caught in a six-pack holder that had been carelessly discarded on the ground, which was then picked up by Gompers the goat who had appeared from out of nowhere as the gnome screamed in fear.

“Hey, you go back and tell the rest of your fellow gnomes, especially the one with the same name as me, that if another girl goes to hospital in a coma in this town, I’m going to burn down the forest and you all with it, you hear me!” Jeff yelled at the retreating gnomes before retrieving his pipe wrench.

“Hey, Dipper? I, um...I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You really were just looking out for me,” Mabel apologized to Dipper once the gnomes were all gone.

“Oh, don't be like that. You saved our butts back there.”

“I guess I'm just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes.”

“Look on the bright side. Maybe the next one will be a vampire!”

“Oh, you're just saying that!”

“Awkward sibling hug?”

“Awkward sibling hug.”

Wendy and Jeff watched as the Pines twins hugged it out.

“Well, pushing all the weird stuff aside, I’m glad they finally patched up,” Jeff commented.

“Yeah, and you got to live with the fact that there’s a gnome that shares the same name as you,” Wendy replied.

“Oh, c'mon! Besides, you don’t seem shocked about it anymore.”

“What are you talking about? I mean, all my summers had been nothing but boring, boring, boring. I mean, who would have thought that there were actual gnomes leaving in our town’s forest? I have a feeling that this summer is going to be my most interesting one! You agree, right?” Wendy said excitedly as she playfully elbowed Jeff.

“Ow, what was that for? But, yeah, feels kind of weird… Hey, maybe Dipper finding that book wasn’t such a bad thing after all,” Jeff replied before the two accompanied the Pines twins into the Mystery Shack, where Stan was fixing one of the displays.

“Yeesh. You four get hit by a bus or something? Ahah!” Stan joked.

Dipper and Mabel began to walk away while Wendy and Jeff grabbed their stuff and prepared to leave.

“Uh, hey! W-wouldn't you know it? Um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so, uh... how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, y'know? Except for you, Wendy! I know you’ve taken some stuff home. Hahaha!” Stan said as he revealed to them a pile of junk.

“Really?” Mabel asked.

“What's the catch?” Dipper asked as he folds his arms and looked at his Grunkle with suspicion.

“The catch is do it before I change my mind, now take something. You too, Jeff. I know I’m behind payment for your services, so grab a free gift or something.”

Dipper & Mabel began looking around at items, with Dipper picking up a blue pine tree hat to replace the one he had lost.

“Hmm. That oughta do the trick!”

“And I will have a... Grappling hook! Yes!”

Mabel held up a crossbow that had been modified into a rewindable grappling hook.

“Woah, hold it right there. Wouldn't you rather have, like, a doll, or something?”

Mabel responded by firing the grappling hook up at the ceiling, which catches and pulls her up.

“Grappling hook!”

“Fair enough!” Stan said with a shrug.

“Hey, this pendant… It’s got Cherokee designs all over it...?” Jeff commented as he picked up a circular pendant. It was then he noticed, engraved on the back of the pendant in a circular clockwise direction, was a line of alphabets and numbers that goes "18-4-5-3-IA"...

* * *

_Without warning, Jeff suddenly found himself in a place where the ceiling was black, the floor was white and gray fog surrounded the place._

**_What the heck? Where am I?_ **

_As Jeff looked around, he suddenly saw an image of a circle appear in front of him. The circle began forming images within it, but the images were transforming so fast that Jeff was only able to make out a pine tree, a pentagram with an eye in it and an ice bag when…_

* * *

“Jeff? Jeff! Dude, don’t just zone out like that,” Wendy said as she shook Jeff’s shoulders.

Jeff’s body gave an involuntary jerk as he snapped back to his senses, still confused by what he just saw. He looked back at the pendant he was holding, then at everyone else in the room, who were staring at him quizzically.

“Sorry, I was, er… Where did you get this pendant, Mr Pines?”

“Oh, that thing? Got it from some self-proclaimed Cherokee shaman when I was in Oklahoma. She said it was blessed to ward off evil and all, but then she’s got, like, sixteen of them for sale. I sort of bought it in the heat of the moment,” the owner of the Mystery Shack replied.

“Mind if I keep it?”

“Oh, well, it’s yours, then.”

* * *

The sky had turned dark by the time Jeff and Wendy left the Mystery Shack.

“Well, we sure had an exciting day. Wonder what other secrets this town is hiding?” Wendy commented.

“Yeah… Guess I just kissed goodbye to fifteen years of normal.”

“Ha, nice one. Say, you won’t mind giving me a lift home?”

“Don’t you have a bicycle or something?”

“Meh, I got lazy and took a cab today.”

Jeff lets out a small laugh.

“All right, fine. Into the side car.”

“Cool, thanks, man!” Wendy replied as she hopped into the side car of Jeff’s scooter as he drove off towards the Corduroy cabin…

* * *

* * *

It was midnight when Stan sneaked out of his bedroom with a lantern in his hands. Making sure that no one was up and about, he goes into the gift shop and stands in front of the vending machine, pressing the numpad on it five times. The vending machine silently opens like a door, revealing a secret set of stairs hidden behind it, and Stan walks inside, looking around one last time with a sly look before closing it behind him…

* * *

 

**[JSYJW YMJ MFZSYJI MTXUNYFQ]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter completed, though it’s more of an edited version of episode 1. Still, for those reading this, I hope it wasn’t too bad in your opinions! From chapter 2 onwards, it’s going to be 80% original storylines combined with 20% existing ones. Anyways, one more thing I ripped off from the original show: Ciphers! I'll always leave one at the end of each chapter. Kind of something for you readers to play around with, though if you solve it, you’ll find out the main story of the next chapter! By the way, there’s a clue hidden in each chapter that will reveal what algorithm to use.
> 
> …Or you can just click the “Next” button if you lack the patience. And miss out the few seconds of extra fun.
> 
> Either way, while it's optional, I'll appreciate if you readers leave a comment or a helpful criticism about this fanfiction. Thanks in advance!


	2. Nosocomephobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (based on/reimagining of “Headhunters” and “The Inconveniencing”)
> 
> When Grunkle Stan decides to open his old haunted house attraction located at an old hospital on the outskirts of town, the twins come to learn of its dark history. Meanwhile, Jeff realizes (to his dismay) that he is starting to become attracted to a certain part-timer in the Mystery Shack, even though he wanted to just stay as friends...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to previous Cipher: ENTER THE HAUNTED HOSPITAL  
> Cipher used: Caeser Cipher, 5 Points

“Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?” Dipper suddenly asked as Jeff, once again having to fix about twenty somethings in the Mystery Shack, finally finished up his work, having been in the shack since eight in the morning.

“I believe you're a big dork! Ha ha ha!” Mabel replied her brother as she spun herself around using the globe she was sitting on.

Dipper made a small “pftt” before pressing a pencil against globe, causing it to suddenly stop spinning and making Mabel fall off, which draws Jeff’s laughter.

“Jeff, Wendy, do you believe in ghosts?”

“Considering that we just encountered actual gnomes a few days ago, yeah!” Wendy replied.

“Well, I’ve seen one.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, a ghost, and a very small one! Likes to buzz around my head and makes a sound that goes something like this…”

Without warning, Jeff had sneaked his hand to Dipper’s side and flicked his ear, causing Dipper to let out a cry of shock as he fell backwards which in turn caused Mabel and Jeff to start laughing.

“Hey, cheap shot!” Dipper complained.

“Hey, whatever works, man…”

“Soos! Wendy!” Stan Pines is heard calling out as he suddenly emerged from his room in travelling attire.

“What's up, Mr. Pines!” Soos asked.

“I'm heading out. You two are gonna wash the bathrooms, right?”

“Yes, sir!” said Soos.

“Absolutely not!” Wendy replied.

“Ha ha! You stay out of trouble!” Stan said before slamming the door shut and walking away whistling a tune.

Wendy waited until Stan was gone before motioning to the Pines twins and Jeff to come over.

“Hey guys! What's this?”

Wendy pulls a curtain away to reveal…

“A secret ladder to the roof?”

“Uh, I don't think Mr. Pines would like that,” Soos started to say.

“Huh?”

“Uhhhhh.”

“Huh?”

“You're freaking me out, dude!” Soos said at last.

“Can we actually go up there?” Dipper asked Wendy.

“Sure we can! Roof time! Roof time!”

“Roof time! Roof time!” the Pines twins chanted alongside Wendy as they began to climb up the ladder.

“Uhhhh,” Soos continued to mumble as he stared at Jeff, as though expecting an advice from him.

Jeff merely shrugged, tossed his spanner over his shoulder which somehow landed accurately into his tool bag before following the other three up the ladder. Emerging from the trap door, the four of them proceeded to climb over the roof using some of the portruding tiles over to the other side where a makeshift balcony had been set up.

“Alright, check it out!” Wendy said as she revealed her secret roof spot, which had a beach chair, an ice box and a pail filled with pine cones.

“Woah!” the twins exclaimed.

“Cool! Did you put all this stuff up here?” Jeff asked.

“I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time, everyday.”

As she continued to speak, Wendy grabbed one of the pine cones in the pail and threw it, hitting a target on a totem pole.

“Yes! Bull’s eye!”

“Cool!”

“Me first!”

Before long, Dipper and Mabel were throwing pine cones at the totem pole, but their aim was… Slightly off at best.

“Hey, Jeff, you wanna join in?” Dipper asked.

“All right, let me try one shot…”

Picking up a pine cone, Jeff suddenly reared up like a baseball player about to throw a pitch and actually does so. The pine cone hits the totem pole, ricochets towards one tree and into another before striking a lamp-post which deflected it right through the back window of one of Stan Pines’ old cars, which in turn caused an alarm to activate momentarily.

“Okay, I might have gone a bit too far with that…”

“Gone too far? Dude, that was one amazing jackpot shot! High five!” Wendy said excitedly.

As Jeff was about to do so, he suddenly found himself unable to move for a moment, completely caught off-guard by how close Wendy’s face was to his, her hair flowing with the wind as she smiled at him. Sure, he’s known her for a month, but this…

This might be the first time he actually found her really attractive.

“Hey, dude, don't leave me hanging,” Wendy said.

“Oops, sorry! High five.”

“Well, now you’ve got a sixth expression to add to your list. The zone-out.”

“The what now?”

“You know, zoning out into space when people talk to you? Your zone-out expression really makes you look like a statue, Jeff.”

“Huh, take a picture and show it to me next time.”

“You bet I’ll do it,” Wendy replied and the two laughed when a van suddenly drives up to the entrance of the Mystery Shack.

“Oh hey, it's my friends!”

A hand pops out of the van’s window followed by a voice calling for Wendy.

“Hey, you guys aren't going to tell Stan about this, are you?” Wendy asked.

Dipper and Jeff made a zips-lips motion which Wendy responds to with a similar move.

“All right, later, dorks!”

Jumping off the ledge, Wendy landed on a pine tree which she proceeds to slide downwards from as it bent and onto another pine tree whereupon she does the same before landing on the van, hopping down from the roof and getting into it.

“Let's get out of here!”

With that, the van took off down the road.

“See you at work tomorrow, Wendy! Heh, good times…”

“Uh, oh!” Dipper and Mabel said in unison.

“What?” Jeff asked as he turned towards the Pines twins, both of whom were staring at him mischievously.

“You thinking what I’m thinking, bro-bro?”

“Yeah, Mabes, seems like someone’s got a crush…”

“On Wendy!” the twins said together.

“I only known her for, like, a month? Isn’t it a bit too fast to develop a crush?” Jeff protested.

“Oh, Jeffy, love doesn’t work like that. When your fated one appears in front of your eyes, there’s no turning back, no avoiding it! You can’t cut the red string of fate…!” Mabel chimed.

“Yeah, right! I just think Wendy's cool, okay? Besides, she’s the first friend I made when I came here, nothing more. It's not like I lie awake at night thinking about her!” Jeff said confidently.

* * *

It was already two in the morning, but at _Cannuck ~~Car~~ Repairs_ , Jeff was still unable to sleep, as the memory of Wendy on the rooftop kept rewinding itself in his mind.

“Kill me,” Jeff muttered.

Just then, Jeff heard something knocking on the window of his room. Turning around, he sees a group of familiar, tiny cone-headed figures standing outside his window…

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Jeff’s not coming today?” Dipper asked.

“Nope. He’s staying home for the day. Kid had a sudden bout of insomnia, so I’ll be handling his work load today,” Mr Ernie replied as he adjusted the Mystery Cart’s engine.

“Huh, that’s weird.”

“Well, perhaps you can ask your great-uncle to stop breaking things all over the Shack and give Jeff some time to rest. I have never since such a shabby establishment before. It’s a miracle Jeff was able to keep everything stable.”

“Random dance party for no reason!” Mabel suddenly announced.

Ernie and Dipper looked up to see Mabel dancing a silly dance on the counter to music blaring from the radio.

“Go! Go! Go! Go!” Wendy chanted as she joined in.

“I am pretending to write something down,” Dipper said as Ernie nodded and back-stepped slowly out of the shack.

“Dipper!”

“Uh what, yes?”

“Aren't ya gonna get in on this?”

“I don't really dance. Hey, you know, we can go pay Jeff a visit, right?” Dipper asked, attempting to change the subject.

“Yeah, good idea. I’ve seen his family’s store but I’ve never seen their living quarters before. Heard he and his mother lives just on top of their repair shop.”

* * *

Wendy was surprised to learn that _Cannuck ~~Car~~ Repairs_ was actually within walking distance from the Corduroy Cabin, as long as one finds the correct route to the forest’s edge in the maze of back alleys. She wondered why she never noticed this when she first visited the shop. She also never really asked why the “ ~~Car~~ ” part of the signboard was struck out.

As she, Dipper and Mabel walked past the garage, they could see Jeff in his room, still staring at the pendant that which was once the building’s upper offices that had since been converted into a pair of bedrooms and a living room/dining area.

“You know, I think we should have informed him of our visit earlier,” Dipper said.

“Nah, he’s cool. It’ll be fine,” Wendy replied before knocking on the door of the repair shop.

“Coming!” they heard a female voice call out.

The door opened, and the three of them were greeted by a young, pretty Asian woman with long black hair whose facial appearance somewhat resembles Jeff.

“Welcome to Cannuck Repairs, I’m Mei-Ling Cannuck. How can I help you?”

“We’re, er, Jeff’s friends? We came to visit him.”

“Oh, I see. Well, come in then. Jeff’s up in his room, probably on his PS4 or bathing his dog. Stay as long as you like, Jeff and I don’t mind,” Mei-Ling Cannuck replied before showing them the stairs.

* * *

Just last night, Gnome Jeff and his gang suddenly appeared outside his room, which was located right above the family’s repair shop (His mother’s room is on the other side). Apparently, despite his earlier threats of revenge, Gnome Jeff had decided that it was better to be on good terms with Human Jeff, hence the previous late night visit.

It had been three days since his encounter with the gnomes, and from what Jeff heard from his mother, the girls that had been in comas were waking up, which was good news. However, seeing the gnomes with brown hair and youthful appearances again, Jeff nearly set them alight after catching them all inside a burlap sack until Gnome Jeff revealed that they found some “youthshrooms” which temporarily restores their youth for a week and since these special toadstools apparently grow very fast, the gnomes would no longer need a “gnome queen” to sustain themselves.

Jeff was admittedly glad that Gnome Jeff and his pals was able to find another way to maintain their youthful looks without harming anyone, but at the moment, his mind was more focused on the mysterious code on the pendant he had taken from the Mystery Shack.

**_18-4-5-3-IA_ **

Jeff stared at the combination he had written on a piece of paper, the very same combination that was engraved on the back of the pendant he had taken from the Mystery Shack. It wasn’t some kind of production code, for the combination had been engraved by hand was was done so in a manner that the code can only be seen using a mirror: Jeff was able to deduce it immediately due to playing too many mystery games in his youth.

SO far, Jeff had only managed to make one possible deciphering of the code:

**_R-D-E-C-IA_ **

Butterpaws, his German Shepherd, looked at her owner with a slightly confuse tilt of her head as Jeff fiddled with the pendant. Jeff was wondering about the vision he had when he first got hold of the pendant, but so far, he had not had another vision ever since.

Eventually, he decided that the vision was a one-off thing, probably a hallucination from having just witnessed the existence of gnomes a few days prior. Not one to wear things around his neck, Jeff simply wrapped the pendant’s string around his belt. Heck, perhaps the code was just some sort of prank…

Something on the pendant appeared to be sticking out.

Jeff immediately took the pendant off his belt. There was no douvt about it. At the edge between where the numbers 18 and 4 were carved into, a small pointed protrusion could be seen.

"Wow, didn't see this coming," Jeff commented.

There was a knock on his door, and Jeff quickly wrapped the pendant back onto his belt. He then stood up and was about to open it when Butterpaws jumped off his bed and began clawing at the door in an excited manner.

“Hey, what’s gotten into you, gal?” Jeff asked as he pulled Butterpaws from the door by her collar before opening it only to get a fist in his right eye.

“Oh! Jeff! Sorry!” Wendy apologized in panic as Jeff fell backwards holding his eye in pain.

“Jeff? What’s going on up there?”

“No! Nothing! I’m fine! I accidently stepped on Butterpaws’ tail!”

“Hey, I’m really sorry about the knuckle-in-eye thing,” Wendy said as Jeff got up to his feet, with Dipper and Mabel trying not to laugh at what they just saw.

“Yeah, no worries. How do I look?” Jeff asked.

“Like you have heterochromia.”

Jeff turned to look at the mirror attached to his door and, true enough, his right eye was red in colour.

“Woah, so this is your room? It’s… Neat.”

Dipper and Mabel pushed their way into Jeff’s room and began looking around. On the left wall hung a banner with Chinese words on it, a movie poster of _Triassic Garden_ , a police cap and a picture of Jeff with Butterpaws as a puppy. The wardrobe was built into the wall right beside the door. On the desk sat a picture frame, a television and a PS4, and a laptop could be seen on the floor right beside a cushion that says “Butterpaws’ Cushion” on it. A dreamcatcher hung from the ceiling lamp.

“So, someone told me that you were the only child. Guess they were wrong,” Wendy said.

“Only child? Yeah, I’m the only child in the family.”

“Eh, what about your sister?” Dipper asked

“My sister?”

“Yeah, your sister! You never told us you have such a pretty sister!” Mabel said.

“They’re talking about Mei-Ling. We met her downstairs,” Wendy explained.

“Mei-Ling? That’s my mother’s name. I don’t have a sister.”

Awkward silence.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Dipper asked.

“But… But she looks too young to be your mother!” Mabel argued.

“She just turned forty-four this year. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture of my parents with me when I was six,” Jeff said with a laugh as he took a picture from his desk and showed the other three.

In the picture was Mei-Ling, wearing a blouse and standing beside a Native American man with a buzzcut dressed in a police uniform with the nametag ‘B. Cannuck’. Both of them were smiling with their arms on the shoulders of a six-year-old Jeff.

“You got to be kidding me…”

“Woah, your dad was a cop? That’s awesome!” Mabel commented.

“Yeah, is he out or something? I don’t see him around,” Dipper asked.

Jeff sighed, gave a small smile and placed the picture back on his desk.

“Let’s just say that he’s still looking out for me and Mom from somewhere else,” he said.

The Pines twins looked at him with confused expressions, but Wendy immediately figured out what Jeff meant. Inside her mind, she knew what Jeff was talking about and what he was probably feeling at the moment, since she had had a similar experience.

* * *

_Constable: I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident._

_Duck-tective: Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack? (An accident, constable? Or is it...Murder?!)_

_Constable: What?!_

_TV announcer: Duck-tective will return after these messages._

“That duck is a genius!” Mavel exclaimed as she, Dipper and Soos watched the latest episode of _Duck-tective_ , having gotten back from

“Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground,” Dipper replied.

“Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?”

“Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating... an entire tube of toothpaste?”

“It was so sparkly...” Mabel said as she opened her mouth to reveal her teeth entirely coated in unhealthy-looking sparkling toothpaste.

It was at this point Grunkle Stan burst into the living room.

“Kids, kids! I need your help with something. You come along too, Soos! C’mon, everyone up now!”

Before the twins and Soos could say anything else, they were already in one of Stan’s old cars (the ones that are still functioning) and heading to a dilapidated hospital at the edge of town.

“Here it is, the old Bundyholmes General Hospital! Opened in 1885, shut down in the 1970s. Cost me quite a fortune to own this place!” Stan said as he stopped outside the hospital.

“Grunkle Stan, why did you buy this old, condemned building?” Dipper asked.

“Well, about ten years ago, I bought this place to use as a local haunted house attraction, but had to close it down because I was about to go broke, but now that I’ve finally balanced out my finances, I think I can get this place back up and running, expecially with Summerween just around the corner!”

“Summerween?” Mabel asked.

“Oh, we celebrate two Weens in Gravity Falls. Halloween’s the normal one, and Summerween’s the Summer version of Halloween,” Soo explained.

“So what exactly are we supposed to do now that you’ve brought us up here?”

“Well, it’s simple! Help me make sure everything’s ready to run! Now, into the hospital!”

The hospital was extremely creepy, even though it was still daylight. The lights were still working, though most of them were dim and given the number of sparks that appeared when Stan threw the old switch, Dipper and Mabel were suspicious of the reliability of the electricity.

As Stan guided them through the hospital, Dipper, Mabel and Soos gets freaked out by the horrifying displays and jump-scares Stan had installed throughout the hospital.

“Hahaha! I used to have to drag people out of the hospital because they fainted or were too scared to even continue moving! See that? That’s one of my favourite scares: The Fetus!”

“Okay, that’s just fake and disgusting,” Dipper replied as Stan pointed at an animatronic of a bloodied doctor holding what was supposed to be a fetus in his hands, except the ‘fetus’ looked like a bag of potatoes splashed with red paint.

“Oh, it gets worse. The seventh floor holds the scariest of the scariests. I modelled it after the last director of this hospital, Dr Theodore Hawkins! He took the easy way out when the police raided his hospital after receiving multiple reports of murders and human experiments. They say his ghost still haunts the place…” Stan said, his voice getting lower and lower in an attempt to make his story sound scary as they ascended to the highest floor.

“Please, Grunkle Stan, as if you can really scare us with that…”

Dipper and Mabel suddenly comes face to face with a horrifying doctor whose face lacked a nose and had torchlights for eyes, with blood dripping down from them while his mouth was stretched into a horrifying, crooked grin, just like a portrait right behind him, hanging from the wall.

“AAHHHHHHHHHH!”

The twins bolted, followed by Soos, leaving a guffawing Stan behind.

“Ha! Knew you would be the one to scare them silly, eh, Hawkins? Well, looks like everything’s operational, so I might as well kick-start the party!”

As Stan leaves the seventh floor to rejoin the other three, the animatronic of Dr Hawkins suddenly blinked…

* * *

“I can't believe this many people showed up. Besides, why am I working admin here? I fix things, not collect tickets… Rather be at home watching FWE Summerblam. Main event’s match is Atlas Basher versus Dex Perado,” Jeff complained as he and Wendy sat at the ticket booth.

“I know, right? Mr Pines probably bribed them or something. Even my dad’s in the audience,” Wendy replied, though she did not have to point to Manly Dan Corduroy, who stands out among the crowd for obvious reasons.

“Well, Mr Pines bribed me,” Jeff said as he holds up a wad of one-dollar notes.

Wendy responds by holding up her own wad, causing both she and Jeff to share a short laugh. Jeff was the one who stopped laughing first, suddenly mesmerized by the redhead’s carefree attitude, but then he snapped out of it at the sound of Stan clearing his throat over the microphone.

“Well, I hope things go well,” Jeff said.

“Me too. This haunted hospital attraction would fail at least twenty inspections in a single day…”

“You all know me, folks! Town darling, ‘Mr Mystery.’ Please, ladies, control yourselves!” Stan announced while pointing at three women in the audience who were staring blankly ahead, flies swarming around them.

“As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world, has never known. But enough about me. Behold the reopening of Gravity Falls’ favourite haunted house attraction in both Summerween and Halloween... the Bundyholmes Gore Hospital, extra-covered in blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!”

Soos makes a fanfare sound on his keyboard, before fiddling with some of the keys. The crowd was dead silent, with only two people in the audience clapping out of politeness.

“Yeah. I will now take questions! You there!”

“Old Man McGucket, local kook. Are the animatronics alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the animatonic uprising?

“Um...Yes! Next question!”

“Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you really think this reopening of your old haunted hospital attraction would draw more visitors to Gravity Falls?”

“Toby, why are you using a turkey baster for a microphone?”

“It certainly is-"

“Next question.”

“Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter. Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Shows flyer Is this true?”

Murmurs began as the audience began demanding for their free pizza.

“That's what I heard!”

“Come on!”

“What a rip-off!”

“Pizza! I want my pizza!”

Stan began digging into his pockets. From where they were, Jeff and Wendy saw Stan pulls out a smoke grenade and immediately ducked.

“That was a typo. Good night, everyone!”

With that, Stan Pines threw the smoke grenade, causing thick smoke to cover the entire area. He then seized the opportunity to take the admission fee with him as he fled the scene, leaving everyone else behind.

“C’mon, what the hell? I should have seen this coming!” Jeff said furiously as he emerged from the smoke.

“Jeff, let’s get out of here before the audience turn on us!” Wendy urged as she pulled Jeff to his scooter.

As the two quickly rounds up Soos and escaped the scene on Jeff’s scooter, the smoke finally dissipates and the audience, realizing that Stan had escaped, became furious, but seeing that they could do nothing else, they decided to leave instead, with Manly Dan punching a pole (causing it to bend) and cursing out loud as he did so.

* * *

_Constable: Well, Duck-tective, it seems you've really quacked the case._

_Duck-tective: Quack quack quack. (Don't patronize me.)_

Mabel was watching a new episode of _Duck-tective_ back in the Mystery Shack while Dipper was browsing through Book #3 when Stan burst in grinning from ear to ear. He went straight to his favourite chair and began counting the money he managed to obtain/cheated while the twins looked on.

“Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash! That hospital’s gonna leave me swimming in cash this Summerween!”

It was at this point Jeff, Wendy and Soos finally returned to the Mystery Shack. Jeff was the first to enter, looking rather miffed about having to drive like an escaped convict to get everyone else away from what would have probably turned into a riot.

“Mr Pines, we need to talk…”

“Ah, Jeff! Just the man I was looking for! Say, can you and Wendy go back and make sure the hospital’s electricity is still running or if we need to put in a generator?”

“Er, no,” Jeff replied curtly.

“Not me either, Mr Pines,” Wendy added.

“I’ll throw in a bonus payment,” Stan said as he dropped a stack of notes on the table in front of the two.

“We’re on it. C’mon, Jeff, back to the hospital,” Wendy said as she dragged the mechanic out of the Mystery Shack despite his protests.

“What about me, boss?”

“You stay here and help me with the accounting book, Soos.”

“You know, Grunkle Stan, I was wanting to ask you about something,” Dipper asked.

“Shoot, kid.”

“How did you manage to get all those animatronics for the hospital in the first place?”

“Oh, that? I got them all from a garage sale. The owner was eager to get rid of them, see…”

* * *

_ Fifteen years ago… _

_“I must warn you, these animatronics come at a terrible price,” a man in a red shirt said as Stan showed interests at the fifteen animatronics that were being sold._

_“Twenty dollars?! I'll just take 'em when you're not looking.”_

_“What?”_

_“I said I was gonna rob you,” Stan replied before punching out the man in the red shirt, dumping all the animatronics into the back of his car and driving off._

* * *

“And you just repainted them and placed them all inside the hospital without wondering why that guy wanted to sell them in the first place?” Dipper asked.

“Well, running a haunted attraction was part of my bucket list, and the Gore Hospital was earning me quite a few bucks, but about nine years ago, a couple of murders and strange deaths occurred around the hospital and I had to close it down so the police could investigate. They never found any clue. The last people who died around the Bundyholmes General Hospital were married convenience store owners whom I knew when I was younger, Mary and Paul Duskerton. Their daughter’s running the family store now, _Dusk 2 Dawn_. The two were just walking past when they had simultaneous heart attacks and died on the spot,” Stan replied.

“Okay, that’s just creepy, and after all those murders, you reopen the hospital?”

“Well, kid, sometimes a man has to pull a con to get his money. You’ll learn that eventually…”

* * *

It was four o’clock in the afternoon, but the interior of the hospital was eerily dark thanks to the boarded up windows of the hospital barely allowing any exterior light to enter. And just as Wendy had predicted, the electricity for the building had gone out, and the two were making their way around using flashlights.

“Seriously, how did I let myself get dragged into this?” Jeff asked.

“Dude, you really want me to do this alone? Besides, you’re the mechanic, you should know what to do about the electricity problem, not me,” Wendy replied in a teasing tone.

“Come to think of it, who builds a generator on the third floor?”

“Beats me. Must have been added by Mr Pines after he bought the building. Now, we just need to go through the offices…”

“Hey, Wendy, tell me about this hospital’s history?”

“Well, about a couple of years before it was shut down, this hospital was runned by one Doctor Theodore Hawkins, who went mad one day and started conducting human experiments on his own patients for some sort of eternal life crap. He shot himself when the police raided the hospital to arrest him. There are rumours that he made some sort of supernatural deal that caused his madness, but everyone agrees that his ghost remains here in this hospital, seeking unwary victims.”

“Woah, that’s some messed up ghost story…”

“Well, I shared one with you. How about you share one with me? I heard your people got quite a load of stories.”

“Well, my grandma used to tell me about a creature called a raven-mocker.”

“Raven-mocker? That sounds like a cool supervillain name.”

“Yeah, until you hear how the raven-mocker came to be. We call it _Kâ'lanû Ahkyeli'skï_. It is the most feared evil spirit of Cherokee folklore, a witch or a shaman that turned towards a dark path, using their powers for evil, selfish purposes rather than heal and help those in need. They target those who are reaching the end of their life and would harass their victims before killing him or her and eating the heart which adds a year to their life for every year that the slain would have still lived.”

‘’Okay, that is really disturbing. I can feel my skin crawling. How do you defeat this raven-mocker creature?” Wendy asked as she nervously scratched her arm.

“Well, they’re usually invisible, but powerful medicine men can see them when they’re trying to feed and somehow this causes the raven-mocker to die within a week. Also, once a raven-mocker dies, their bodies get defiled by other witches. Kind of a do-evil-onto-evil thing,” Jeff continued.

As the two teens entered the office, Jeff suddenly turned around, feeling a presence behind them.

“Jeff?”

“Hey, we’re supposed to be the only ones in the building, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I think we’re being followed…”

“Hey, relax, it’s just the animatronics Mr Pines set up here.”

“I hope so, I mean… Maybe we’ve been telling too much ghost stories?”

A footstep was suddenly heard.

“Er… Jeff, I think you might be right. We’re not alone here,” Wendy said as she grabbed Jeff’s arm and began looking around.

More footsteps are heard, followed by the sounds of closets and doors opening. Then a disturbing voice is heard saying:

“Find the interlopers. We’ll have them ‘donate’ their organs.”

“We got to hide…” Jeff whispered as he shuts off both their flashlights, pulled Wendy by her hand and made for the nearest hiding place available for them…

* * *

“I don’t know, Mabel, I keep having this feeling that Grunkle Stan’s making a mistake re-opening the hospital…” Dipper said as he and Mabel walked down the street to one of the local convenience stores.

“Well, Grunkle Stan’s probably in need of quick cash. I mean, he said he wanted to buy us a pet pig, remember? Besides, it’ll probably end up being a no-show.”

“Uh, yeah, about that… Isn’t it, like, criminal for Grunkle Stan to be pulling off so many cons? Besides, I heard he went to jail in thirty-two of the fifty-one states.”

“Woo! That’s got to be a world record! By the way, do you think Wendy and Jeffy might end up using that hospital to finally, you know… Do teenager stuff like the ones on TV?” Mabel suggested.

“Mabel, I know we’ve begin to tease Jeff about Wendy and all, but I don’t think Jeff really likes her _that much_ ,” Dipper replied when…

“OUCH!”

Dipper reared back in shock as he realized he had just stepped on something, or rather, someone very familiar.

“GNOME JEFF! Mabel, get behind me!”

“Woah, woah, woah, easy there kid! I’m not your enemy anymore! Me and Human Jeff have come to terms with each other,” Gnome Jeff quickly explained as Shmebulock appeared from a bush and helped him up.

“So you’re friendly now?”

“Of course I am, after all, we found an alternative way to regain our youth without hurting anyone anymore. Anyways, me and the other gnomes were wondering what you all were doing at that cursed castle?”

“Cursed castle?” Mabel asked.

“Yes! That white building that looked like it’s gonna collapse any minute! The one with funny statues inside!”

“The Bundyholmes General Hospital Grunkle Stan was using as the Gore Hospital Haunted Attraction? You know something about it?”

“Of course we know! About nine years back, something inside the cursed castle stirred, and humans were dropping dead left and right all over the place!”

“Shmebulock!” said Shmebulock with a nod.

“Anyways, some of us gnomes went in to investigate, and they never came out. We’ve avoided that place ever since. So we were wondering why you guys reopened it. Besides, Human Jeff and that redhead girl with him went in an hour ago and they’ve not come back out, so we got worried and decided to come find you…” Jeff explained as a worried expression formed on his face.

“Shmebulock!”

“Shmebulock, seriously, you really can’t say anything other than your own name? I mean, look at the situation at hand!”

“Shmebulock…” Shmebulock said sadly.

“Wait, so you’re saying that Jeff and Wendy are in trouble?” Dipper asked as his heartbeat began rising.

“I think they are really in trouble,” Gnome Jeff replied.

“Mabel, we got to go to the hospital and help them!” Dipper said.

“Dipper, wait! Shouldn’t we call Grunkle Stan or Soos for help? Dipper!” Mabel called out as she chased after her brother, leaving the gnomes behind.

It wasn’t long before the twins finally arrived at the hospital, where (human) Jeff’s scooter was parked in the lot. As they approached the opened entrance, the stillness of their surroundings unnerved the twins.

“Jeffy? Wendy?” Mabel called out as she and Dipper finally enters the hospital’s lobby.

“Guys? You in there?” Dipper called out in a louder voice, only to get an echo in return.

“Urgh, this place is giving me the creeps. Actually, now that we’re here, don’t you think the place is very empty?” Mabel commented.

“Well, it is supposed to be empty, since this is an abandoned hospital?” Dipper replied as he and Mabel headed up the stairs and found themselves in the third floor.

“No, I mean, like, empty empty?”

“Empty empty?”

“Like, where is everybody?”

Suddenly, Dipper realized what his sister was referring to by ‘everybody’

“Wait, The animatronics! Where are they supposed to be?”

“Yeah, Dipper! They’re missing!”

Just then, a low moan is heard coming from a locker at the end of the corridor, followed by the locker’s door suddenly shuddering, like as though someone was kicking it from the inside.

“Okay, that does not look nor sound right,” Dipper said.

“Is someone inside there?” Mabel asked fearfully as she began tugging her brother’s arm.

“Maybe we should leave it alone…”

“Dipper? Is that you?”/“Get us out of this tin can!”

“Wait, those two voices… Jeff? Wendy?” Mabel asked.

“Hang on, we’ll get you out!” Dipper shouted as he rushed over to the banging locker and pulled at the locker’s door.

At first, the locker won’t budge, but then Mabel came to help Dipper and the two were finally able to pull the locker open, with Jeff and Wendy tumbling out of it.

“Worst… Decision… Ever…” Jeff muttered as he and Wendy coughed several times.

“How did you two get in there?” Dipper asked.

“Were you two inside-” Mabel was quickly cut off by Dipper placing a hand over her mouth.

“Eww, did you just lick my hand?”

“Some people were in the hospital and they sounded dangerous. We were only able to escape by hiding in there, but then the door got jammed,” Jeff said as he rubbed his neck.

“It’s horrible! I mean, both Jeff and I are skinny enough, but we’re practically pressed against each other’s body inside and- Okay, nevermind, that was just weird,” Wendy added before changing her tune after seeing the mechanic giving her the ‘that-sounds-wrong?’ look.

“Let’s get out of here. There’s something wrong here and I think we’re all in danger.”

As the four of them rushed down the stairs back into the lobby, the doors to the hospital’s entrance suddenly slammed shut, causing them to jump in fright. Wendy and Jeff rushed towards the door and trid to push it open, but they were shut tight.

“What the hell is going on here?” Jeff demanded.

“Wait, don’t tell me that this hospital is still haunted?” Dipper asked.

“Indeed, young man! And since you’re all here now, I can finally continue my experiments!”

The twins turn around to see the hospital’s animatronics gathering at the lobby, with the animatronic of Doc Hawkins standing right before them, as though he was their leader.

“The animatronic of Doc Hawkins? Wait, they’re all alive?” Wendy asked.

“How is this possible? Does that mean these animatronics are cursed or magical” Dipper demanded.

Doc Hawkins laughed.

“Cursed? Ha ha ha! Your great uncle was foolish enough to place this artificial bodies in my domain, which finally allowed me and my esteemed colleagues to gain physical forms. But he was smart enough to suspect that the deaths and disappearances of some of the townsfolk might be linked to this building and shut down his ‘haunted house attraction’. He may have sealed us in, but I knew that his greed would eventually convince him to unseal the building, and now that we are free, you four shall be our first victims for our return!”

“Wait, I get it now, you’re the actual ghost of Doc Hawkins possessing his own animatronic!”

“Bravo, you've discovered what I am. Applaud, everyone, applaud sarcastically.”

The animatronics began applauding.

“Uh, no, that sounds too sincere. Slow clap.”

The animatronics now perform a slow clap

“There we go, nice and condescending.”

“Wendy, you got your hatchet?” Jeff asked.

“Yeah, why are you asking?”

“We might need to bash our way out.”

“I hope the two older ones are not planning anything suspicious. You are in my domain after all, and here in this hospital, I am a god!” Doc Hawkins declared as he raised his animatronic’s hands and pointed his palms at the two teens.

“My retractable pipe wrench!” Jeff yelled as his favourite tool is suddenly pulled away from his belt by unseen forces.

“Let go of my axe, you- No!”

Wendy’s axe was also taken from her, both weapons floating above Doc Hawkins as he snapped his fingers. This signalled the rest of the animatronics to attack, but the teens tackled the nearest ones to protect the twins.

“Dipper! Mabel! Run!” Jeff shouted as he and Wendy wrestled one of the larger animatronics to the ground.

“Mabel, quick! Follow me!” Dipper said before he and Mabel dashed past the animatronics and up the stairs, followed shortly by Jeff and Wendy.

One of the animatronics nearly caught Mabel, but Jeff shoved her forward at the last moment, causing the animatronic’s claw to rip off a piece of cloth from the back of his hoodie.

“Jeff!” Wendy cried out, but the mechanic quickly kicked the animatronic aside and quickly brushed his hand against the area where he was hit.

“No blood! I’m fine! Keep going!” Jeff replied as he quickly got back to his feet and followed his friends into the staircase.

“You will not escape me! Bring them to me! I will not let anyone to leave my domain!” Doc Hawkins ordered the rest of the possessed animatronics as they pursued the four up the stairs.

* * *

While Jeff and Wendy continued to make their way up the stairs, Dipper and Mabel managed to find refuge in a toilet on the second floor. The door was jammed, but they were small enough to squeeze through a small opening in the walls which the animatronics thankfully missed, though the twins could still hear at least one of them rummaging through the area.

“Er… Dipper, what do we do? What do we do?” Mabel asked.

“Calm down, Mabel… Let’s see if the book has anything on it that can help us… C’mon, c’mon… Found it! Ghosts! Ghosts are the souls or spirits of deceased people that can appear, in either visible form or in other manifestations, to the living… Always have a reason of some kind to be stuck on Earth? And what is this… Ten categories? But what category?”

“ _Category 4: Haunted Paintings & Image-based Spectres. These ghosts can inhabit paintings and different images and can even travel from picture to picture. The only way a Category Four can be trapped is with a silver mirror._”

Dipper and Mabel nearly screamed when they saw a pair of elderly ghosts manifesting in front of them, but then they noticed how these two ghosts had a gentler desposition and calmed down.

“Who are you two?”

“ _I am Paul Duskerton. This is my wife, Mary. We used to run a convenience store in town, but then we passed this hospital on a walk one day and became two of the many victims of Doc Hawkins, but as ghosts, we’ve managed to avoid capture by hiding here for the next thirty-odd years,_ ” the male ghost explained.

“ _It seems you and your friends have become his latest targets_ ,” the female one said.

“So what category would you two be?” Dipper asked.

“ _Looking at that book of yours, I’ll say we are Category 2, Pranksters._ ”

“ _Still, we can’t stay here trapped like this. We yearn for reincarnation, or at least passing over to the other side. We’ve avoided becoming Doc Hawkins’ slaves, but we’re no more trapped in here as you are._ ”

“ _But we do know how to defeat Doc Hawkins._ ”

“You guys know how to defeat those ghosts that are possessing the animatronics?” Mabel asked.

“ _We do, but the only ones that can pull it off are living humans. We were hoping you two would be the ones that succeed where others have failed._ ”

“So what is Doc Hawkin’s weakness?”

“ _As the book implies, silver mirrors can trap him, but there is another method. Since there are no silver mirrors in this hospital, you need to find a way to lure him into direct sunlight_.”

“Direct sunlight?”

“ _One of the ghosts that escaped was able to ascend after being exposed to it. One of Doc Hawkins’ buddies, on the other hand, was forcefully taken from the world of the living after making the mistake of chasing the former out into the yard. Our guess is that sunlight helps us normal ghosts cross over while forcefully removing the evil ones._ ”

“Can we trust you?”

“Dipper, what are you talking about? These two want to get out of this hospital as badly as us, and this might be the only way we can save Jeff and Wendy. We got to trust them,” Mabel said angrily regarding Dipper’s suspicions.

“All right, I’m gonna trust you both.”

“ _Thank you, young one, but you must hurry! The sun is about to set, and Doc Hawkins grows stronger in the dark_ ,” Mary said.

“ _We’ll distract the one on the same level as us. Once you hear the ruckus, you two sneak out,_ ” Paul Duskerton said before he and his wife disappears.

It wasn’t long before the sound of items being thrown about is heard, prompting Dipper and Mabel to crawl out of their hiding place where they see the Duskertons telekinetically hurling everything that was not bolted down to the floor at the animatronic that was hunting them.

“Go, go, go!” Dipper urged.

The twins raced to the lobby to pick up the older teens’ weapons before racing back upstairs. Thanks to the mud on Jeff and Wendy’s footwear, the twins quickly figured out that they were on the highest floor, which means they were probably in Doc Hawkins’ office.

True enough, when the twins arrived, they could see Jeff and Wendy with their arms restrained by the possessed animatronics while Doc Hawkins pulls out a bonesaw to threaten them with.

“So, should I cut up the mechanic or the redhead first? Or perhaps I should wait until the younger ones are captured so that I can slice them apart in front of your eyes?”

“Screw you,” Jeff retorted in defiance as he and Wendy struggled to break free from the animatronics’ grip on them.

“He’s gonna kill them if we don’t hurry… Hey, Doc Hawkins! We’re here!” Dipper called out.

“Well, what a surprise! You’ve decided to turn yourselves in…” Doc Hawkins said in a mocking tone as he turned his attention towards the twins, who were still standing in the corridor.

“We’re not scared of you! Not anymore!” Dipper yelled.

“Yeah, come and get us, you ding-dong doctor! You’ll spend your miserable afterlife thinking how a pair of children defeated you!” Mabel joined in with a few choice insults.

“Actions speak louder than words, girl, and so far, you’ve only been producing words!”

As Doc Hawkins rushed towards them, Dipper used Jeff’s pipe wrench to smash the boards off the window directly on his right, allowing the evening sunlight to shine in just as Doc Hawkins was about to reach him. The sunlight immediately burns Doc Hawkin’s legs, causing him to stumble back.

“Sunlight? What is this? I thought my weakness was limited only to silver mirrors!” Doc Hawkins asked in horror.

“You got to spend more time outdoors, doctor!” Mabel taunted as she smashed the wooden boards off the window on her left using Wendy’s axe.

This time, the sunlight burns Doc Hawkin’s face, causing him to scream and stumble backwards. The animatronics become distracted by their leader’s howls of pain, giving Jeff and Wendy the opportunity to break free from their grasp and begin ripping off the wooden boards from the windows of the office. Bathed in the sunlight, the animatronics let out unholy screams as black mists began to leave their bodies, and they all fall limply to the ground.

“How is this possible? How could you have discovered a weakness of mine which I don’t even know about?” Doc Hawkins cried out.

“You killed too many people, doctor, and some of your victims managed to avoid becoming your slaves. They told us how to defeat you without using a silver mirror,” Dipper replied as he and Mabel tears off more wooden boards, allowing more sunlight to enter the place.

“I cannot believe this! This was supposed to be our grand return! I was to continue my work! No! No! No!”

“Oh, yes…”

With that, Jeff grabbed Doc Hawkins and smashed his head through the last of the boarded-up windows, exposing his head to the sunlight. Doc Hawkins continued to struggle, but then Wendy joined in, followed by Dipper and Mabel, as they continued to hold Doc Hawkins partially out thw window, finally forcing his ghost to vacate the animatronic of himself, which then goes limp in the humans’ arms.

“ _No! No! This is not happening! No! You promised I will be unbeatable! You lied to me! You never told me I have another weakness that could be exploited! You lied to me, Cip-AHHHHHH!!!!!_ ”

The last of Doc Hawkins’ ghostly energy burns out as he disappears with a scream. Tossing the animatronic of Doc Hawkins to the floor, Jeff kicked and stomped on it a few times just to be sure. Meanwhile, all around them, the remaining possessed animatronics all stopped moving on their own and dropped to the floor, once again non-sentient beings.

All four found themselves breathing heavily, and they were silent for a while until Jeff broke the silence.

“Okay, I guess it’s over… How did you figure out that sunlight was their weakness, Dipper?” he asked as he wiped sweat off his brow.

“Well, not all the ghosts in the hospital were under his control. There were two friendly ghosts called the Duskertons. They were the ones who told me and Mabel how to defeat the evil ones. It turns out that sunlight allows them to cross over, but for the evil ones, it’s more like a forced removal from the world of the living.”

“Hey guys! Look!” Mabel shouted to them as she pointed at the window.

Dipper, Jeff and Wendy turned to see all of the ghosts of Bundyholmes General Hospital floating into the sky, peaceful expressions on their faces as they ascended.

“Wow… Am I really seeing this?” Wendy asked,

“Looks like all the victims of Doc Hawkins have been freed by his defeat,” Jeff deduced.

Among the ghosts ascending to the sky were the Duskertons, who saw Dipper and Mabel at the window and gave them a goodbye wave.

“The Duskertons… Thank you for saving us! We’ll never forget this!” Mabel called out to the two ghosts, who nodded at them while smiling gently before finally disappearing from view.

“So, what was Hawkins talking about? Someone lying to him?” Jeff asked.

“Maybe it was just his desperate gibberish,” Wendy commented.

“But I feel like there may be more to this than it seems,” Dipper replied.

“Okay, you guys know what? I think we should just get out of here while we can. I’m tired of being held hostage two times in a week,” Jeff said.

“Me too. Never thought I would be a damsel in distress twice…” Wendy added as she and Jeff guided the Pines twins out of the hospital.

Meanwhile, unknown to the four of them, a single raven was observing them from a branch…

* * *

It was the day after the hospital incident, and for some reason, Stan had given up on the actual reopening of the Gore Hospital after a particularly scandalous news report about it, instead putting the haunted house attraction up for sale, unaware of the events that occurred just the day before.

Mabel had offered to fix Jeff’s torn jacket as repayment for him saving her from a near decapitation, but Mabel’s imagination and over-enthusiasm had left Jeff’s jacket with a questionable symbol on it.

“Mabel, what did you do to my hoodie?” Jeff asked as he held up his white sleeveless hoodie, which now had a zombie-like teddy bear holding a heart covering the torn area.

“Oh, that's Bear-O! I thought it might look good on you, you know, when you’re around _somebody_ …” Mabel replied with a teasing tone as she glanced at an oblivious Wendy sitting at the counter.

“Well, can you change it to something else, like normal white cloth?”

“Sure, give me five minutes.”

Within moments, the image had been replaced by some kind of black bird with a funky face in a circle.

“What is this now?” Jeff asked, his tone slightly incredulous.

“A raven!”

“Eh, looks more like a dying bird bursting out of a egg,” Stan replied as he adjusted his glasses to take a look at Mabel’s work while walking past.

“You know what, I’m still gonna appreciate this. Thanks, Mabel,” Jeff said with a resigned smile on his face as he puts on the hoodie and fist-bumps Mabel before walking towards the shack’s door.

“Hey, nice redesign,” Wendy said as Jeff walked past the counter.

“Huh, you think?”

“Yeah, I think it looks cool.”

“Well, you got to thank Mabel for that.”

“Hey, Jeff, you know what? I’ve been thinking about this for a while. It’s been a month and two days since you moved to Gravity Falls, and I really think it’s time you meet my friends. No more avoiding them like the past two times I tried to introduce you to them, okay?” Wendy suddenly said.

“Woah, well, yeah, I guess so… I just need to clear out my schedule.”

“Oh, I got a definite date set already. This Sunday, at the Gravity Falls Lake. No excuses.”

“Sure, I’ll… Lake? Er…”

Wendy gave him a quizzical look, and fearful that he might offend her, Jeff quickly hide his hesitation and gave her his usual flick thumbs-up sign.

“I’ll be there,” Jeff said.

“Cool! I’ll be waiting for you at your home. Your scooter,” Wendy replied while returning the thumbs-up sign.

As Jeff left the Mystery Shack, he thought about Wendy’s invitation. He hates the lake for reasons, but Wendy’s asking him to go out with her friends for the third time, and he felt bad about missing the last two times. Besides, he might be able to get closer to her…

Jeff let out a small sigh and a smile. Perhaps Mabel’s right after all. Perhaps he and Wendy…

 _Nope, let’s not get ahead of yourself, Jeff. Wait and see, wait and see. The last thing you need is her rejecting you and destroying the friendship you two have made as a result,_ Jeff thought to himself as he shook his head and got onto his scooter to return home, unaware of a certain redhead stealing glances at him from the window of the Mystery Shack…

* * *

 

**_[QVUU IVZOOB SZGV OZPVH ZMW VNL GVVMH]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I kind of rush-started the romance side-plot, but there’s no point hiding it when it’s obvious what I’m going to write about eventually. Anyways, this chapter sparks the whole thing, and I’ll be slowly building it up until it’s time to hit the big red heart-shaped button. Until then, I won't mind receiving some constructive feedback about how the story's going.


	3. What Lies Beneath Lake Gravity Falls?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Based on "Legend of the Gobblewonker" and "Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained #5: Tooth")
> 
> After a finding a tooth on the lake, Dipper and Mabel decides to go late-night lake-monster hunting, which quickly spirals out of control. Meanwhile, Jeff makes a new enemy in the form of one of Wendy's friends, who sees him as a rival for Wendy's affections.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to previous Cipher: JEFF REALLY HATES LAKES AND EMO TEENS  
> Cipher used: Atbash
> 
> Other notes:  
> For those who may be left feeling unhappy that some small-time fanfic author made drastic changes to canonical Sheriff Blubs, Deputy Durland and Tate McGucket, I sincerely apologize in advance.

“Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?” Mabel asked as she and Dipper held a Sir Syrup and Mountie Man syrup bottles respectively in their hands

“I'm always ready!” Dipper replied.

“Then you know what this means!”

“Syrup race!” the twins announced as they began squeezing syrup into their mouths.

“Go, Sir Syrup!”

“Go, Mountie Man!”

“Go! Go!”

“Almost... almost...”

Finally, Mabel managed to get the syrup to drip onto her tongue two seconds before Dipper managed to do the same.

“Yes! I won!” Mabel said happily while coughing while Dipper puts his syrup bottle aside when something on the newspaper caught his attention.

“Ho ho, no way! Hey Mabel, check this out.”

“Human-sized hamster balls? I'm human-sized!”

“No, no, Mabel. This.”

Dipper points to a monster photo contest advertisement that was on the page beside the human-sized hamster ball. Apparently, someone was offering a $1000 reward for a picture of a monster that is reputed to live in Gravity Falls Lake, and it just so happened that a fishing tournament was on today by the lake.

“We see weirder stuff than that every day! We didn't get any photos of those gnomes, did we?”

“Nope, just memories. And this beard hair.”

Mabel holds up some beard hair she had somehow obtained from the gnomes.

“Why did you save that?” Dipper asked.

"I dunno,” Mabel replied with a shrug.

“Good morning, knuckleheads. You two know what day it is?” Grunkle Stan asked as he suddenly walked into the kitchen.

“Um... Happy anniversary?”

“Mazel tov!”

Stan facepalms.

“It's Sunday, genius! We're cuttin' off work and having one of those, you know, bonding-type deals… Urgh, is this milk expired or something? Anyways, I know I haven't been the best summer caretaker. But I swear, today we're gonna have some real family fun.”

“Wait a minute! Isn’t today the day where Jeff has to meet up with Wendy?” Mabel suddenly spoke up.

* * *

“Man, I’m glad you were able to make it this time,” Wendy said as she rode in the sidecar of Jeff’s scooter while eating jellybeans.

“Well, it’s gonna be embarrassing if I stood you up on your offer for the third time,” Jeff replied, turning a corner onto a dust road heading towards the lake.

“If that happens, I’m, like, breaking into your house with my friends for an uncalled movie night.”

“You do know I have an actual tomahawk on my wall within reach, right? Anyways, what’s the plan you’ve got in your mind today?”

“Fishing competition, that’s what!”

“On the banks, I hope?”

“Nope. We got ourselves a boat. Well, one of my dad’s boats which he didn’t put a hole into, at least.”

 _Oh boy… Now’s the worst time to tell her I get boatsick_ , Jeff thought as a look of horror spreads across his face…

* * *

* * *

* * *

“In the belly! In the belly!”

A group of teens were already at the Gravity Falls water tower, just a short distance away from the lake. Two teens, one with long, blonde hair and the other wearing a baseball cap, were holding a plump teen upside down with his shirt pulled up to expose his belly. Meanwhile, the sole female whose hair were in two different shades of purple leaned against a van busy texting on her phone while the last teen, a goth-looking youth wearing a black hoodie and sporting an emo hairstyle, was aiming a jellybean.

“Come on! Hurry up!” the plump teen said.

The emo teen was getting ready to throw his jellybean when another one flew out of nowhere and hits the plump teen in the belly button before dropping to the ground, causing everyone to look up in confusion and see Jeff and Wendy, who had just drove into the parking lot.

“Jackpot shot,” Jeff said while Wendy juggled another jellybean in her hands, having thrown the earlier one from the sidecar while the vehicle was still moving.

“Wendy!” the teens greeted as Wendy hopped out of the sidecar while Jeff killed the engine of his scooter.

“Hey guys! Remember how I said I was going to introduce you to the new guy in town but he was always so caught up in his work that he had to stand me up twice? Well, he made it this time! This is Jeffrey Cannuck,” Wendy introduced.

“Er… Hi, I’m Jeff, the, er… The new guy.”

“Hey, don’t sound so nervous. You talked more normally when you get caught off-guard.”

Jeff sighed.

“Sorry, I’m not exactly a people person when it comes to first meetings.”

“No worries, dude! In this gang, we all got our own quirks! I’m Nate Holt and this is Lee. Oh, by the way, I’m the smarter one,” Nate said as he and Lee exchanged shoulder punches and started laughing.

“Hey... I’m Tambry,” Tambry greeted, looking up from her phone to give Jeff a small smile before going back to it.

“And we got Thompson, who once ate a runover waffle for 50 cents…”

“Wait, what?”

“Don't tell him that, Wendy!”

“Sorry, Thompson, I already did. And the last one is…”

“I’m Robbie. Robbie Valentino, Wendy’s childhood friend,” the emo teen said as he suddenly positioned himself between Jeff and Wendy.

“Okay…”

“Leader of Gravity Falls’ sole music band, the Tombstones. I’m also the guy who spray-painted the water tower.”

Jeff looked up to see the graffiti on the water tower.

“Oh, that giant popcorn?”

“Um, it's supposed to be a giant explosion.”

“Sure, let me put on my ‘skepticals’, my sight’s not doing well thse days… Okay, it’s a muffin. For a moment I thought it might have been a… Turd cake.”

Everyone looked at the water tower.

“Hehe! Kinda does look like a muffin _and_ a turd cake!” Lee commented before he and Nate started laughing.

Even Tambry could not hide the amused smile behind her phone while Robbie could do nothing but glare at Jeff, who returned it with a smirk. He hoped Robbie gets the message that he can also play the ‘who-wants-to-be-an-asshole’ game. Unfortunately, it turns out this Robbie fellow hates being humiliated at his own game.

“Oh, it’s on now,” Robbie said as he began pulling his sleeves back.

Jeff had just clenched his fists, anticipating a fight, when Wendy got between the two.

“C’mon, you guys, try to like each other, all right? I hate it when boys fight.”

Hearing this, Jeff’s tension went down and he nodded while Robbie unrolled his sleeves and went back into his emo posture, though the two exchanged warning glares with each other the moment the redhead’s back was turned towards them.

“All right, let’s hurry it up. I got big plans for today! It’s the Gravity Falls monthly fishing competition and one of the prizes is something I’ve been trying to get for months! Where’s my dad’s boat that he lent to us? Let’s go!” Wendy continued.

As the teens headed for the boat, Jeff pulled Wendy aside.

“Wendy, I think there’s something you need to know.”

“What, dude?”

“I get boatsick.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. We got buckets for you to puke into. Besides, Lee’s got the same problem as you.”

That puts Jeff a bit more at ease, knowing that he wasn’t the only one to be throwing up on the boat.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel stared silently at the shabby dinghy which was supposed to be Grunkle Stan’s ‘majestic vessel’, before turning to look at all the other boats that were moored in the lake’s docks where their owners were bringing their children on board for the fishing competition.

“C’mon, kids, it’s not that bad! The Stan-o-War’s as lakeworthy as she has always been!” Stan said cheerfully, although the twins were not buying it.

“What're you playing at, old man?” Dipper asked as he folded his arms.

“Come on, this is gonna be great! I've never had fishing buddies before. The guys from the lodge won't go with me. They don't like or trust me.”

“Dipper, I think he actually wants to fish with us,” Mabel whispered to Dipper.

“It's just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!”

“Ten hours?” the twins exclaimed.

“Hey, don’t worry about getting bored, see, I brought the joke book!”

The sight of Stan holding the 1001 Yuk 'Em Ups joke book was enough to send the twins into a panicked state.

“No! No!”

“There has to be a way out of this!”

“Dipper? Mabel? Mr Pines?”

The twins looked up to see Wendy calling out to them from a medium-sized fishing boat that was slowly making its way to the docks.

“Wendy!” the twins greeted her, as though she was an angel sent down to grant them salvation.

“Hey, you guys have any medication for boatsickness? Jeff’s kind off dying here, and so is one of my friends.”

By now, Dipper and Mabel could see Jeff hanging lifelessly from one of the windows of the boat’s cabin, a bucket placed right below him for the puke to go into.

“Sorry, I didn’t pack medical supplies,” Stan replied.

“Wendy, what are you guys up to?” Dipper asked as the boat the teenagers were riding moored.

“Well, there’s the fishing competition, but we’re also trying to get that $1000 reward, so, yeah, monster hunting. You two wanna join us?”

“Mabel, did you hear what Wendy said? About the monster picture?”

“Dipper, I am one million percent on board with this!”

“Grunkle Stan! Change of plans! We're boarding Wendy’s boat to go find the monster!”

“Monster hunt! Monster hunt!”

“All right, all right, let's think this through. Ya kids could go waste your time on some epic monster-finding adventure, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your Great Uncle Stan! So, whaddaya say?”

* * *

The twins drive off laughing with a still half-dead Jeff, Wendy and her friends on their boat towards Scuttlebutt Island, leaving Stan behind.

“Ingrates! Aw, who needs 'em? I got a whole box of creepy fishing lures to keep me company.”

A grumbling Stan opens the box of lures in his boat, but one look at them with flies buzzing around them was enough to make him gag and he quickly closes the box.

* * *

“We made the right choice!”

“Yes!”

Dipper stood on the stern of the boat, with one foot on the guardrail as he adjusted the visor of his cap.

“Hoist the anchor! Raise the flag!” Dipper called out.

“We're gonna find that lake monster!” Mabel joined in.

“We're gonna win that photo contest!” Wendy added.

“C’mon, Jeff, say something…” Mabel urged the mechanic, who was looking worst for wear.

“Can’t think of any-Reaghhhhh!”

“Ewwwww…..” Everyone uttered as Jeff expelled noxious liquid from his mouth into the bucket below him as his arms hung limply out the window of the cabin while the ship continued its journey.

“Man, I never thought someone would have it worst than me,” Lee commented as he gave Jeff a new bucket, having thrown up twice himself though he still looked healthy, unlike Jeff.

Most of Wendy’s friends did not mind the antics of Dipper and Mabel. In fact, they even seem to welcome it. But there was one particular individual who did not seem happy about adding two preadolescents on board the ship.

“Seriously, Wendy. I thought we’re here to get that reward, not baby-sitting,” Robbie complained.

“Hey, these two are my friends as well,” Wendy protested.

“So, what sort of stories are there around the lake?” Dipper asked.

“Oh, quite a few. My ma’s always telling me about a beast that pretends to be an island that emerges at foggy night to devour fishermen who are still fishing in the lake after midnight,” Thompson said.

“There’s also stories about giant eyeballs floating around the lake at random locations, and they will suddenly turn and stare at you if you make a noise but then does nothing else,” Nate added.

“There’s also the Gobblewonker. It’s like our version of the Loch Ness Monster, and probably the more famous of the lake monsters here. The $1000 reward we’re trying to get by taking the monster’s picture? The target’s the Gobblewonker, and that’s what we’re trying to get,” Lee explained as he held up his camera.

“Alright. If we wanna win this contest, we've gotta do it right! Think. What's the number one problem with most monster hunts?” Dipper asked.

“You're a side character, then you die within the first five minutes of the movie?” Nate replied.

“No, no, no. Camera trouble! That's why I bought seventeen disposable cameras!

Dipper reveals several disposable cameras strapped all over his body, much to the teens’ amusement.

“Two on my ankle, four in my jacket, two extras in this bag, and one under my hat! There's no way we're gonna miss this. Okay everybody, let's test our cameras out!

Mabel takes one and takes a picture of herself, but the flash was surprisingly bright and startled her, causing her to drop the camera into Jeff’s vomit bucket.

“Oops.”

“You see? This is exactly why you need backup cameras. We still have eight!”

One of the cameras in his jacket dropped to the deck and Dipper accidentally steps on it, crushing it

“Seven left…”

Robbie snickered.

“So what's the plan, kid? Throw more cameras overboard or what?”

“Hey, there’s eight of us here, Lee’s got his own camera and I got my cell phone, so why not just split the rest among us?” Tambry suggested, again not even looking up from her phone.

“Oh, yeah, never thought about it…”

As the boat cruised across the lake, Dipper and Mabel could see other residents of Gravity Falls on the lake using their own unique methods to fish.

“Here, fishy fishies! Get into the pan!” ‘Lazy’ Susan Wentworth, the owner of Greasy’s Diner, said as she attempted to coak some fish into her pan.

Jorge and Rico, two members of the notorious biker gang that ‘patrol’ the roads leading to Gravity Falls at night, were also on the boat, though their idea of using beer to lure fish towards them was not working out as they thought, for obvious reasons.

The local journalist known only as Toby Determined was also on a boat, but instead of fishing, he was taking pictures with his camera.

And finally, there was Wendy’s dad, ‘Manly’ Dan Corduroy, sitting on a boat that looks like it was barely able to fit him in, with Wendy’s three younger brothers, Marcus, Kevin and Gus.

“Uh, is this good?” Marcus asked as he holds up a fishing pole.

“NO!” Manly Dan yelled as he grabbed the fishing pole, snapped it into two and throws it into the lake.

“I'LL SHOW YOU HOW A REAL MAN FISHES!”

With that, Manly Dan simply thrusts one hand into the lake and grabs a large trout straight out of water before unleashing a laugh, throwing said trout on the floor of their boat and performing a elbow drop on the trout that miraculously did not break the boat into two.

“Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!” the Corduroy brothers cheered as Manly Dan began punching the trout.

“Man, what’s with your family’s testosterone level, Wendy?” Jeff asked in a sickly tone as he watched the whole scene play out in front of him.

“Er… How about we ignore that and concentrate on making you feel better while we get the photo of the lake monster?” Wendy quickly replied.

“Guys, we’re approaching Scuttlebutt Island, but… Er…”

“What is it, Thompson?”

“The cops are there as well.”

Everyone stared in surprise at the three police boats that were surrounding a wrecked motorboat, which looked like something had torn it apart, and it was obvious what the dark red liquid splattered on the white paint of the wreck were.

There was another boat, a small rowboat, floating alongside one of the police boats, tied to it via a rope, with a short, old man with a long wild beard that had a bandage on it and funny eyes performing a jig on it.

“I seen him! I’ve seen him again! The floating head of the lake! You must not bring children into the lake! He will snatch them away! Eh, eh, ha ha hoo! Ah, hee-hee!” the old man said as the teens’ boat approached.

“Awww... He's doing a happy jig!” Mabel commented as everyone stopped to watch the old man’s antics.

“No! It's a jig of grave danger!”

Two members of the Gravity Falls Police Department were on the police boat which the old man’s boat was tied to. The tall, imposing black man with a beer belly was the police chief himself, Daryl Edwin Durland, whom the local teenagers like to tease by calling him ‘Blubs’, though despite his appearance and age, he was known to be deceptively athletic and agile. His partner was a lanky male wearing a police baseball cap, the chief’s personal partner Sergeant Tate McGucket.

“All right, that’s enough! This is your last warning, Dad!” Tate said to the old man and smacked him on the back of his head.

“But I got proof this time, by gummity! I bought you to the scene,” the old man yelled back.

“Hey, kids, this is a crime scene and the whole place is going to be cordoned off. I would advise you all leave at once,” Chief Durland said.

“What happened here, Blubs?” Robbie asked.

The police chief took off his sunglasses to glare a hole into Robbie, who responded with a nervous laugh and quickly went behind the rest of his friends.

“My partner here got called out by his estranged father. Probably another one of his manic episodes, we thought, but turns out he came across a legit murder,” he replied.

“It chawed that boat up to smitheroons, tore the parents apart and made off with the children! Shim-shammed over to Scuttlebutt Island! You gotta believe me!” the old man argued.

“You sure you didn’t bring that Gobblewonker robot out to the lake and finally caused something fatal?”

“Dang it, sonny! Your daddy’s not a monster!”

“Who is that old man? Mabel asked.”

“Old Man McGucket, that’s what we call him nowadays. Sergeant Tate’s dad. His mind’s completely bonkers, talks to animals and things that aren’t there. His son’s having a hard time keeping him under control, and was forced to throw him out after he tried to set the neighbour’s dog on fire. You two keep clear from him, okay?” Lee warned.

“Speaking of which, we better go before the cops decide to arrest us all for obstructing their work. Hey, Blubs, we’re leaving now, okay?” Wendy called out before Thompson turned the boat around and went back to shore.

* * *

“Well, that didn’t go as planned,” Wendy said to Jeff with a shrug as she and her friends prepared to head home.

“Huh, I think it might be for the best, considering how Dr Pukestorm was gonna die on the boat,” Robbie retorted from behind.

Jeff, who had not recovered from the boatsickness, merely gave Robbie the finger while he lets out another puke.

“Jeff, you sure you’re going to be all right?” Wendy asked, now rather concerned for her new friend’s health seeing how pale he looked.

“It’ll wear off in a few minutes or so…”

Meanwhile, Dipper and Mabel were expressing their disappointment at how their plan to get quick cash had evaporated due to a murder on the lake.

“How do we get the picture reward now?” Mabel asked.

“Beats me… And Grunkle Stan’s probably gonna be grumpy about us abandoning him like that.”

“Not in the least. The competition got cancelled all of a sudden because of some crime that occurred in the lake. Guess we got to try something else instead,” Stan said as he approached the twins.

“Grunkle Stan?”

“So, how about movie night?”

“Yeah!” the twins cheered.

“Hey, Wendy, you need a lift home? I mean, your ‘chauffeur’ doesn’t seem up for the job yet,” Robbie asked while covertly mocking Jeff.

“Maybe I’ll just wait with him…”

“Nah, you go with Robbie. I might have to walk the scooter home, not in a good condition to be riding,” Jeff said to Wendy.

“All right. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, then,” Wendy replied before leaving with Robbie.

“Man, that guy’s a jerk,” Dipper muttered as he watched Robbie drive off with Wendy in his van while the rest of her friends went into Thompson’s van.

“Yeah, he’s trying to take Wendy away from Jeffy. He can’t butt in on their relationship!” Mabel added.

“Leave it, you two. They know each other longer than Wendy knows me,” Jeff muttered as he finally got back on his feet and got ready to leave.

“Hold on, Jeff, we’re quite far from the town. How ‘bout you strap that scooter on my car and I give ya a lift, eh?”

“Lemme guess, what’s the service charge?”

“Ha ha ha ha ha! Smart one, eh? Yeah, well, service charge is that you fix broken stuff in the Mystery Shack for free for the next three days, how ‘bout that?”

“Grunkle Stan, you can’t just-”

“Deal,” Jeff replied.

“Jeffy, you just got conned by Grunkle Stan!” Mabel protested.

“Mabel, I’m a bit too tired and sick to be arguing with him,” Jeff replied to Mabel with a whisper before he and Stan started loading the scooter onto the roof of the car when they heard Dipper calling to them.

“Mabel, Grunkle Stan, Jeff, look over there by the lake shore!”

“What’s with the boy this time? He sounds awfully excited,” Stan commented as the three of them turned to see Dipper pointing frantically at the lake’s shore.

All three of them dropped their jaws at the sight of a gigantic tooth resembling a human’s stuck on the banks of the lake shore…

* * *

Wendy never showed up for work for the whole week, and Jeff was starting to miss her.

Apparently, she got dragged off by Robbie to attend a concert that he was involved in, and won’t be back until Wednesday. Jeff didn’t mind, but when she did not answer his phone calls, he began wondering what happened, and decided not to try and contact her anymore, fearing that Robbie might have gotten angry that Jeff would dare to call ‘his’ girl. Jeff did discreetly ask about, however, and found out that they were in Medford. However, this was the least of his problems...

“Jeff, please tell me you did not make any new enemies in town, please,” Mei-Ling Cannuck asked as she entered her son’s room while he was listening to music and trying to work on the code on the pendant he now wears on his belt.

“What happened, Mom?”

“Someone tagged the walls of the repair shop! It’s going to take the whole morning to get rid of it!”

Pulling off his earphones, Jeff rushed past his mother and down the stairs to the door, exiting the house only to see graffiti all over the front wall, some of which were rather provocative messages regarding his family’s mix of races.

Jeff was seething with rage by now, but upon remembering how it scared his parents badly the last time he let loose his anger, he began taking deep breaths and managed to calm himself down. Seeing a guitar pick on the ground, he scooped it up and saw something familiar on it, but said nothing and simply tucked it into his pocket.

“Mom, you go rest, I’ll clean this up.”

“I’ll call the police in the meantime,” Mei-Ling said before returning to the building.

* * *

“Tooth? No, don't know nothing about a tooth,” Tate McGucket commented as Dipper and Mabel bugged him for more information about the tooth they found last Sunday.

Since Tate was the only officer who patrols the lake area, Dipper and Mabel thought it might be a good idea to ask him about the tooth, but the sergeant had been rather evasive ever since they ‘ambushed’ him in the police station.

“Well, my sister and I were thinking about paddling out on that lake tonight to find out, so…”

“Bit of friendly advice, boy: If you see bubbles on that lake, run,” Tate replied, his tone slightly changing from a dismissive one to a concerned one.

“What, why?”

“Enough questions, I got a case of vandalism to attend to, and no cameras allowed in the station.”

With that, Tate ushered the twins out of the police station and closed the door on them.

* * *

As Jeff cleaned up the graffiti around his home, he felt a presence behind him. Turning his head back, he saw a blonde gentleman in a white shirt, black vest and yellow tie staring at the vandalism with interest.

“Can I help you, sir?” Jeff asked out loud.

“Oh, don’t mind me, Black Bird! I was just wondering why someone would do such a thing. I find it hilarious and stupid at the same time, what about you?”

“Black Bird?”

“I was referring to the raven picture on the back of your jacket.”

“Okay… No offense, but you speak real fast, mister…”

“Phil Crible, wandering businessman. I’m actually here to find a potential client. Seems to me you’re gonna be real busy with the removal of this cacophony of colours, so I’ll be heading off instead of disrupting your work.”

 _Man, he’s eccentric_ , Jeff thought as the man that calls himself Phil Crible left before resuming his clean-up.

Once it was done, Jeff went back to his room and pulled out the pick that he had found. It had a ‘V’ inscribed on it, and its design was too obvious.

It was at this point his phone began to ring.

“Hello?”

“ _Hey, Jeff, it’s Wendy. I haven’t really talked to you since Sunday or answered your phone calls, but I really need your advice._ ”

“Okay… Is Robbie with you?”

“ _Nah, he got back to town yesterday. He was in a rush and I wanted to visit a friend in the city, so I got left behind, heh._ ”

“So, where do you want to meet?”

“ _By the lake?_ ”

“Okay, sure. I’ll see you later.”

* * *

It was late at night, and Stan was seated in front of the television with popcorn and a can of Pitt Soda in his hands.

“ _You're watching the black and white period piece old lady boring movie channel!_ ” the TV announcer said.

“Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!”

“ _Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, The Duchess Approves, starring Sturly Stembleburgiss as The Duchess and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire!_ "

“Kids!”

It was then did Stan notice a note on the wall that reads:

_Grunkle Stan,_

_We went to the lake to get pictures of the lake monster, won’t be back until past midnight_

_D and M_

At this point, _The Duchess Approves_ begins

“No! No!” Stan cried out is despair as he is forced to watch something he does not wish to watch on television.

* * *

“Okay, we’re here,” Dipper said as he and Mabel arrived at the lake on bicycles.

Having been disappointed by earlier events, Dipper and Mabel have decided to return to the lake that night in order to achieve what they started this morning, and Dipper just so happened to have his video camera with him. Not to mention that the reward for the monster photo has increased quite a lot.

“For the now-$3000 picture!” Mabel cheered.

“Shh, you might alert something! Let’s get to the shore so we can begin the recording.”

The twins made their way down the shore, hoping to get a video of any of the reputed lake monsters living in the waters of the lake as well as solve the mystery of the big tooth they found on Sunday.

“Okay, I’m starting the recording. Here goes… I'm here at the lake to investigate. I brought Mabel for backup.”

“And I brought Bear-O, my adorable childhood puppet,” Mabel replied as she held up a large, disturbing-looking teddy bear that looked like a cross between a drug addict going into withdrawal and a disfigured bear with a raccoon’s face.

“Why did you even bring Bear-O with us?” Dipper asked in exasperation

“Heyo! Ain't that right, honey? **_Did somebody say...honey?_** Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Mabel continued, ignoring Dipper’s question.

“Nope, creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O.”

“But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?”

“I can think of a few people. Remember that stage show where you used Bear-O for your performance and traumatized half our classmates?”

“Aw, come on! You'll see! You, me and Bear-O, are the adventure team of a lifetime!”

* * *

Jeff, wearing a dark green t-shirt with a single cyan stripe instead of his usual purple tee and white hoodie, sat on a bench waiting for Wendy. Part of him was calm, but another part of him was a nervous wreck. Sure, he’s had moments where he and Wendy were alone, but that always happened at the Mystery Shack and someone familiar like Mr Pines or Soos was around, just tucked away in another room or outside the Shack.

Right now, however, was the first time he was truly going to be alone with her. And at night, of all times.

 _Okay, Jeff, calm down. Think about what is it that she wants to talk to you about. Girls usually don’t ask boys for advice unless something’s really bugging them to the point where they can’t talk about it to other girls,_ Jeff thought to himself as he began fiddling his thumbs when…

“’Sup, dude.”

Jeff nearly jumped off the bench when Wendy, wearing a black tank top with a wolf design on it and her green flannel shirt tied around her waist, suddenly appeared behind him, something that amused the redhead enough for her to start giggling.

“C’mon, Jeff, you scare too easily! Like, chill out, it’s just me,” Wendy said as she sat down beside him.

“You wouldn’t mind me being jumpy, right, considering what we’ve seen in the last few days. Gnomes, possessed animatronics, and I’m already expecting a werewolf or something…”

“Yeah, gotta agree with that. So, you remember the phone conversation we had before all this happened?”

“Yeah, you said you wanted my advice?”

“You think it might be a good idea for me to give Robbie a chance?”

“Woah, what?”

“Look, I need a guy’s advice on this. I’ve had seven failed relationships, six of which got nasty which you probably already know, and Robbie, well, it’s like he shows his caring, kinder side to me while being a complete jerk to those he doesn’t like.”

“Eh, well, you can’t expect someone to like everyone, right? I haven’t made up my mind about him, but I think if he’s good to you and willing to adapt to you being friends with someone he doesn’t like hanging around with you and him, it’s a go.”

 _Wait, what the hell am I saying? That punk ass bastard vandalized my mom’s shop and thinks I’m going after Wendy! I can’t let him be with her!_ Jeff thought to himself the moment the last few words left his mouth.

* * *

“ _I don't care about Dukes, or Commoners, or His Royal Highness Lionel of Cornwall! I'm not afraid anymore, Mother!_ ”

“ _Duchess, I forbid you!_ ”

For someone who hated period dramas, Stan was surprisingly enjoying the show as he ate popcorn mixed with ice cream, not to mention that his can of Pitt Soda had increased to a six pack.

“ _I may be a Duchess, but... I'm also a woman!_ ” The duchess on the television declared as she removed her hat, allowing her long hair to drift in the wind.

“Yes! Yes! In your face Elizabeth! It's just like my life!...in a way,” Stan cheered before his tone changed to that of a bitter one.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel are on the boat heading to the middle of the lake, with Dipper having made sure that Mabel leave Bear-O behind, something that really made Mabel feel sour as she and her brother rowed the boat.

“Okay, something out there left that tooth, and we're gonna find out what it is,” Dipper said as he continued to film using his video camera, which was now focused on Mabel.

Without warning, Mabel pulls out a sign with the words “DO YOU WANT MORE BEAR-O?! LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD WRITE: Mabel Pines, c/o Mystery Shack, Gravity Falls” written on it.

“No, no, come on!” Dipper uttered in frustration as he grabbed the sign and chucked it overboard.

“What are we supposed to be looking for?” Mabel asked.

“I don't know, just look out for bubbles in the water.”

It was at this moment the twins noticed a small island suddenly coming into view, and there were bubbles rippling around it.

“Dipper, look!”

“They're over by that island! We have to see what happens!”

As the boat gets nearer to the island, it suddenly begins to shake.

“What was that?”

Without warning, the island suddenly began to rise above the water level, sending the twins into a panic. Mabel screamed as the island is revealed to be a giant head, and as it fully emerged from the water and began floating towards the twins, several skeletons and a couple of half-decayed corpses could be seen hanging from roots underneath it.

“What's happening?!” Dipper yelled at the sight of the unnatural beast.

“It doesn’t matter! Row! Row! Row!” Mabel replied.

The twins began rowing the boat as hard as they can, desperate the escape the hideous monstrosity as it slowly loomed over them…

* * *

 _Dude, stop trying to be the better man! Your name’s Jeffrey Cannuck, not Gary Stu!_ Jeff thought to himself as he gave Wendy some advice about judging boys based on their personalities.

Jeff had been discussing with Wendy about her giving Robbie a chance. He still have not mentioned finding proof about Robbie’s vandalism of his mother’s repair shop, and for some stupid reason, he was giving her advice on neutral grounds despite intending of trying to sow discord between her and Robbie, an intention he has discarded in defeat.

“So, you’re saying I should give him a chance? See how things work out?” Wendy asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

A small smile appeared on Wendy’s face.

“You know, I wasn’t really expecting you to say things like that. You really are a nice guy, Jeff.”

“Er… According to the Internet, a ‘nice guy’ means he’s a creepy ass loser who can’t get a girlfriend,” Jeff replied.

“Aw, those idiots on the forums can stick that theory up theirs. I’m tired of this ‘bad boys get the girls’ and ‘nice guys finish last’ crap. Guys can choose to be nice and polite. Besides, most of the people saying that being a ‘nice guy’ makes a boy creepy and a loser are probably the same ones that go around banging other people and then bragging about how he or she got laid multiple times.”

“Damn, girl, wasn’t expecting that language to come out of your mouth.”

“Hey, people used to joke that I got more male genes in me than female. I mean, I am quite tall for a fifteen-year-old going to sixteen. What’s wrong with a girl hanging out with guys and doing guy things? Trust me, you’re never going to catch me in a dress.”

“Ten bucks say you’ll be wearing a dress one day.”

“Oh, it’s on now, Jeff. How long you think you can wait.”

“Before the end of summer?”

“This bet’s going to be the easiest ten bucks I ever made,” Wendy said confidently.

“Hey, is that screaming coming from the lake?” Jeff suddenly asked as he stood up, having heard faint, familiar screams nearby.

“Yeah, sounds like Dipper and Mabel…”

Immediately, Jeff took off in the direction of the screams, with Wendy following behind. As they scrambled down to the western shores of the lake, the two froze in horror at the sight of a monster in the form of a head made of rocks with an island on top of it chasing down a boat which Dipper and Mabel were on.

“Dipper! Mabel!” Jeff called out to the twins.

“Jeff! Wendy! Do something!” Dipper yelled back as he and Mabel continued rowing furiously.

Unsure of what to do, the two teens simply grabbed whatever was not rooted to the ground and began chucking them towards the island head beast, which does nothing more than irritate the creature. However, they succeeded in distracting the monster long enough for the twins to make it back to shore, jump off the boat and run towards them, with Mabel grabbing some kind of teddy bear from the ground along the way.

Unfortunately, the island head beast was not far behind, and it had no qualms chasing them down on land as it did on the lake, except this time, it had two more targets.

“C’mon, run!” Jeff said as he urged the others forward.

The island head beast suddenly slammed itself to the ground, causing earth and mud to burst from the ground and forming a wall to block the quartet’s escape route.

“Into the forest!” Wendy said, but then the island head beast slammed itself down on the ground again, causing some of the trees to collapse.

Now trapped, Dipper, Mabel, Wendy and Jeff were at the mercy of the island head beast, which was now approaching them with its mouth wide open.

“YNITSED RUOY RETNE! NERDLIHC, HTUOM YM RETNE! REBMULS YM DEBRUTSID EVAH UOY!"

As Dipper, Mabel and Wendy screamed, the island head beast lunged forward. At the last moment, Jeff, who had completely frozen in his fear, suddenly came back to life and threw himself at the three, knocking them all to the ground and causing the island head beast to miss them all.

A nasty crunching sound is head, followed by the island head beast unleashing a loud shriek of pain before Jeff looked up to see the monster disappearing back into the lake, a trail of blood visible in its wake. He then got to his knees, allowing the other three to get up as well. It was only then did Jeff see what happened.

There was a large boulder right next to him which he had not noticed earlier due to being too focused on the island head beast. The top part of it was now covered in red liquid, and a giant, bloodied tooth laid nearby: The beast had bitten the boulder instead of them when Jeff knocked them all to the ground, resulting in the loss of the tooth.

“Heh, talk about a dues ex machina,” Jeff commented.

“My video camera! It’s gone!” Dipper suddenly exclaimed.

“Your video camera?”

“Help me find it! All the recordings are inside! We need it to get the reward- Found it! No! It’s broken!”

“Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I can ask Gnome Jeff and his fellows to pose for a camera shot…” Jeff offered.

“Why would that make me feel better?!”

“Because we’re all still alive?” Mabel replied.

“Oh, yeah… I guess I forgot…”

* * *

“Well, I'm probably scarred for life. Sure, I just saw gnomes and possessed animatronics last week, but that island monster thing? That’s just too much,” Wendy commented as she and Jeff waited for Robbie to come pick her up before Jeff sends Dipper and Mabel back to the Mystery Shack.

“Yeah, that was pretty crazy.”

“I think I'll go stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything that I’ve known and seen. Hey, next time we hang out, let's just stay within our neighborhood. Okay?”

“Yeah, good idea. Oh, by the way, the dress bet is still on.”

“Ha! Good luck seeing me wear one. Last time I remember, I don’t have a single dress in my wardrobe.”

A van appeared on the road leading to the lake, which Jeff recognized as Robbie’s. A thought went through his mind suddenly.

“Hey, Wendy, keep Dipper and Mabel occupied for now? I need to talk with Robbie. Man to man talk.”

“Er… Sure, why not?”

As Robbie stopped his van, Jeff walked over to the driver’s side and tapped on his window.

“Okay, Cannuck, you better have a good reason for spending the night at the lake with my girl?” Robbie demanded while giving an accusing glare at his new-found rival.

“Robbie, we need to talk,” Jeff replied, a stern look on his face.

“Aren’t we doing it now?”

“Look, I’m going to lay it out straight: Stay away from my mother and friends and I stick my nose out of whatever backwards romance plots you have with Wendy,” Jeff whispered in a threatening manner as he stuffed the guitar pick into Robbie’s hands before turning to leave.

Robbie gulped, realizing that Jeff knew about what he did.

“You want her as your girlfriend. I want to stay friends with her. If we keep this up and it boils into a fight, we’re both going to lose her, see what I mean?”

“So what are you proposing?”

“Cold war deal. After what you did, you can bet your ass I really, really hate you right now, and I already know you hate me, but we can’t openly show it ‘cause Wendy will be upset. So we hate each other in silence.”

“What? Like girls? I… damn it, I guess I can live with that,” Robbie replied, realizing that Jeff was not playing around.

Jeff turned and left to bring Dipper and Mabel home. Meanwhile, Robbie made a mental note never to go near the _Cannuck Repairs_ building unless he had to as he headed back into his van.

“So, what did Jeff say to you?” Wendy asked as Robbie got into the driver’s seat.

“Oh, er… Nothing! He just found my pick!”

“Your guitar pick? How did you lose them?”

“Not sure. He, er… He found it by the road, recognized the ‘V’ and figured it might be mine.”

“Aw, glad to see the two of you aren’t at each other’s throats after all. I actually thought he was screwing around when he said I should stick with ya. Guess he was serious,” Wendy said with a smile as she gave Robbie a playful shove.

Meanwhile, Jeff was starting the scooter with Dipper and Mabel riding in the sidecar.

“Now let’s go home before you two stir up any more monsters in town, like a clown in the damn sewers. God, I hate clowns,” Jeff said before riding off with the twins in the sidecar.

* * *

“Ah, the wedding. I've waited so long for this. Oh, look at her in that dress!”

Stan was reaching the end of the movie and surprisingly, he was actually enjoying it until…

“Count Lionel? What's he doing here?!” Stan cursed angrily as he waved his fist.

_“I've come to reclaim my bride!”_

“You had your chance at the cotillion, you!”

“You had your chance at the cotillion, you!”

“That's what I'm saying!”

With the fury of a grizzly bear burning in him, Stan jumped off his sofa, grabbed the television and hurled it out the window… Nearly hitting Dipper, Mabel and Jeff as they were walking to the door.

“What the hell, Mr Pines!” Jeff cursed out loud, the television having been just one inch away from taking his head off.

Stan stared at the television and then at Jeff and the twins with a sheepish look on his face.

“Uh, couldn't find the remote.”

* * *

* * *

“Are you serious?” Dipper asked as he and Mabel stared at Jeff incredulously.

The Pines twins were shocked to learn that Jeff had actually suggested that Wendy give Robbie a chance instead of trying to sway her away from him the night before as they sat by the lake with Jeff holding a fishing rod.

“You sure you’re okay with that? Letting Robbie V get your girl? I mean, didn’t he vandalize your mom’s repair shop?” Mabel asked.

“C’mon, all the guys available and you allowed her to go out with Robbie? He’s a known jerk!” Dipper questioned.

“Look, it’s not that I wanted to give her those advices! I don’t even know why I said- Argh! A miss!”

Jeff cursed as the line of his fishing pole broke while a loud voice could be heard yelling from the lake.

“HEY! NEW BOY IN TOWN! A FISHING POLE IS NOT HOW A REAL MAN FISHES!”

“Wow, Wendy’s dad sure have a loud voice,” Dipper commented as Manly Dan and his sons watched Jeff’s fishing attempt from a boat.

An enraged Jeff toss his pole aside, waded into the lake and thrusted both his hands into the water. Two seconds later, he pulls a 4-foot white sturgeon out of the lake and lifted it above his head with a roar.

Manly Dan’s jaw dropped at the sight of the sturgeon, but he quickly recovered.

“HEY! YOUR NAME IS JEFFREY CANNUCK, RIGHT?”

“Yes, sir, you got a problem with me?”

“AS A MATTER OF FACT, NO! YOU JUST PROVED YOURSELF TO ME WITH THAT FISH! ALL RIGHT, BOYS! YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!”

“Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!” the Corduroy boys started chanting along with Dipper and Mabel.

 _What the heck did I get myself into this time?_ Jeff thought to himself as he placed the sturgeon back into the lake…

* * *

 

**_[DNEIRFLRIG LATIGID EREDNAY]_ **


	4. Two Blokes With Girl Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Based on “Soos and the Real Girl” with a bit of “Fight Fighters” as well as a crossover with [Five Nights at Freddy’s]. In this alternate universe, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza exists as an actual restaurant instead of being a video game and the animatronics are harmless until, well, weirdness hits…)
> 
> Despite their “Cold War Truce”, Robbie’s suspicion of Jeff and Wendy’s friendship leads him to manipulate events that causes a minor falling out between the two, but fate and the Pines twins have other ideas for the mechanic and the lumberjill. Meanwhile, Soos buys a game that may be more than just a dating simulation…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to previous Cipher: YANDERE DIGITAL GIRLFRIEND  
> Cipher used: Reverse Typing
> 
> [From this point on, clues as to what cipher is being used for the hidden message at the end of the chapter will be hidden in a more complicated manner, but keep your eyes sharp and you’ll find the hidden clue to be quite “blatant”.]

“This is it dudes, my favorite place in Gravity Falls. Everything I know, I learned right here. A frog taught me how to cross a street. When my house was haunted, I learned how to eat ghosts. And this thing taught me how to dance,” Soos said as he showed Mabel and Stan around the local arcade.

At one corner, Old Man McGucket was dancing on a dancing machine with a weird grin on his face.

“Woo-hoo-hoo! I've been jiggin' here for seven days straight!” he yelled.

“Uh, Soos?” Mabel asked as she picked up the plug of the machine, which was not in the socket at all.

“Let him have this.”

“Well, whaddya’ know? If it ain’t our favourite repairman, and he’s got a girl with him,” Stan said as he waved at Jeff, who happened to have a young bespectacled Asian girl with long black hair tagging behind him.

“Hey, Soos, guys, what’s up?” Jeff greeted as he approached them.

“Hey, Jeffy. Who’s that with you?” Mabel asked.

“Oh, well, I actually forgot to tell you guys that I’ve got an aunt on my mother’s side living here in Gravity Falls. This is my second cousin, Candice Chiu. She’s your age, by the way.”

“Hi, you can just call me Candy. Everyone in town does that,” the girl introduced herself.

“Hi, I’m Mabel! I’m here for the summer break with my brother! You ought to meet him!”

“The one with the cap over there with Wendy?” Candy asked.

“Er, yeah, I kind of introduced her to Dipper first, since he were already in the arcade when the manager asked me to fix the dance machine… And Wendy kinds of know her already. Now I’m just waiting for Old Man McGucket to get off it,” Jeff explained as he pointed towards the Fight Fighters arcade machine where Dipper and Wendy were playing.

“Watch out! Wow! Ooh, cutscene!” Dipper commented after the two of them had selected their characters.

**_Rumble McSkirmish: DR. KARATE, YOU KILLED MY FATHER AGAIN!_ **

**_Dr. Karate: HHNNGHHHH!!!!!!!_ **

**_Rumble McSkirmish: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!_ **

**_Game announcer: FIGHT!_ **

The match begins, and both Dipper and Wendy began button-mashing. Dipper, who hits the arcade as often as Wendy hits the gym, quickly proves his superiority when it comes to gaming.

**_Game announcer: K.O! The winner: Rumble Mcskirmish!_ **

**_Rumble McSkirmish:_** **_WINNERS DON'T LOSE!_**

“What? You cheated,” Wendy joked.

“You take that back!” Dipper replied, making a perfect imitation of Rumble’s voice before the two started laughing.

**_Game announcer: Round Two! FIGHT!_ **

“Hey, you know what? I'm gonna punch the ref.”

“Yeah, let's gang up on him.”

The two began having Rumble and Dr. Karate perform a series of their signature combo moves in the center of the screen, but instead of hitting each other, it looks as though they are hitting the referee.

“Hey, Jeffy, you haven’t talked to Wendy for three days straight. Something happened?” Mabel asked.

“Oh, nothing. We had a falling out.”

“What?”

“It was my fault, actually. Jeff was trying to defend me from… Well, that guy in the black hoodie. Not to mention that Jeff doesn’t take well to being wrongfully accused of something,” Candy admitted as she pointed at a familiar-looking emo who was putting up flyers in the arcade.

“That bastard Robbie… After I promised not to interfere in his attempt to woo Wendy, he bleeding manipulated events to turn her against me…” Jeff grumbled under his breath.

* * *

_ Three days ago at the Mystery Shack… _

“Can’t believe Wendy just up and disappeared over the weekend with her family for a camping trip… And why am I covering for her duties?” Jeff asked as he stood behind the counter with his second cousin Candy.

“Because I got no one else to turn to. Besides, your second cousin happens to be a regular visitor to the Mystery Shack, so I thought I had her come along with ya for some company,” Stan replied.

The twins were out with Soos on an errand, and Wendy was out on a camping trip with her family, so Stan had called Jeff down to cover for her, though he was surprised when Jeff turned up with one of his regular customers, Candy Chiu. Stan was even more surprised to learn that Candy was Jeff’s second cousin, though it was actually only the fourth time the two had met, which was why their individual parents wanted them to spent more time together.

However, the quiet evening was suddenly ruined by someone half-singing, half-shouting from outside the Mystery Shack.

“What the heck is with that racket outside?” Stan asked in frustration.

“Is that Robbie? Sounds like him,” Jeff asked.

“The black hoodie emo teenager? He barged into the basketball court yesterday to talk to Wendy about some concert he was about to organize when she was helping us practice. Even bumped me aside without saying excuse me. What a rude fellow he was,” Candy replied.

“Wendy! Wendy, Wendy! Wendy! C'mon out, girl! C'mon down!” Robbie is heard singing outside.

“Does he know Wendy’s not in town?”

“He should. I mean, I heard her say that to emo boy, but I doubt he heard her since he was so busy talking about himself.”

“Well, someone go tell him now! His voice grates!” Stan complained.

“I don’t feel like dealing with him right now,” Jeff muttered.

“I’ll do it,” Candy replied as she stepped out of the Mystery Shack and walked towards Robbie, who was playing air guitar while calling for Wendy.

“Hey, you realize she's not here, right?” Candy said to Robbie as she emerged from the door.

“Yes! I… What?”

“You came to find Wendy yesterday at the basketball court, remember? She mentioned was going to be out camping with her family today.”

“How do you know that and I don’t? And besides, who are you in the first place, twerp?”

“The girl you shoved aside to go talk to Wendy. Besides, if you listened to her for once you'd know that, jerk.”

“What was that?!”

Robbie’s aggressive tone towards Candy was more than enough to lure Jeff out of the Mystery Shack.

“Hey, don’t talk like that to my cousin unless you want your face caved in,” he growled at Robbie.

“Oh, if it ain’t the outsider? DIdn’t expect you to have family here in Gravity Falls. So, you got a problem with how I talk to this munchkin? You want to get into it, huh? Lets get into it, Cannuck! You think I don't know what's been going on, huh? It's obvious you've got a thing for my girlfriend, don't you? Don't you?!”

“Dude, we had a truce, and I already told you I’m not going to get involved in this…”

“Yeah, I'm sure she's just DYING to ask out some outsider grease-monkey who just came into town. Hey, here's an idea.”

Robbie suddenly pulls out his cell phone and begin dialling Wendy’s number.

“Why don't I call her right now and see if she wants to go out on a date with you?”

“Hey! Look, you don't have to escalate things…”

“ _Hey! Look, you don't have to escalate things…_ What're you gonna do, huh? What, huh?”

Despite the pressure building up in Jeff, he simply decided to stand his ground and simply folded his arms. However, fearing that she may have dragged her older cousin into trouble that was not worth it, Candy picked up one of the many stones littering the grounds around the Mystery Shack and hurled it at Robbie, striking his hand and causing him to drop his phone. In front of the three of them, the phone strikes a small boulder, with the screen cracking and the entire phone getting dented.

“My phone!”

“We’ll buy you a new one, Robbie…” Jeff replied as he realize the guitarist was starting to lose his temper.

“Oh no, you both are not getting off that easy!”

Robbie reached out to grab Candy, at which point Jeff finally intervenes, seizing Robbie by his collar and throwing him onto the ground.

“Jeff! What are you doing?”

Everyone turned to see Wendy standing in front of them with an angry expression on her face.

“Why did you attack Robbie all of a sudden?” Wendy demanded.

“No idea why he snapped. He even broke my phone,” Robbie quickly said.

“He did not!” Candy argued.

“Look, I don’t know what is going on, but how about you cool your head off somewhere? You know I hate it when boys fight, right?”

For some reason, Jeff did not say anything. He simply stepped away from everyone. Meanwhile, Robbie had gotten on his feet and was now walking away with Wendy, turning around while she was not looking to shoot a malicious grin at Jeff.

“Hey! I know a fight when I see one! Who won?” Stan asked as he poked his head out the window.

“Nobody,” Jeff glumly replied as he returned into the Mystery Shack…

* * *

“Wait, what? And you never said anything about it, Grunkle Stan?” Mabel asked.

“Hey, don’t look at me! Jeff’s the one who wanted to keep quiet about the whole thing. Anyway, Jeff does not look like the type of person who stirs up trouble, probably why he keeps quiet about it.”

“But you could have spoken up at least!”

“I don't know, Mabel. Teenagers are dangerous. Those hormones turn them into like, killing machines!” Soos interjected.

“R-Really?” Mabel and Candy asked.

“Oh yeah, dude. My cousin Reggie got in a fight with a teen once. The guy broke like, all his arms, all his legs, and I think, killed him or something, I don't know. Me and Reggie were just talking about it.”

“That’s ridiculous, Soos. Look, Jeff. Sure, the scuffle’s over, but the fight ain’t. Besides, your rising feelings for my part-timer is starting to become a lot obvious and I can tell you, jerky twerp I see making goo-goo eyes at Wendy all the time ain’t the right person for her,” Stan said in a gruff tone.

“Yeah. He called me "Big Dude" once. I mean, I know I'm a big dude, but it kinda hurt,” Soos added.

“You got yourself a choice here. You can either go face him like a man, or you can hide indoors like a wimp. What'll it be?”

Jeff sighed, shrugged and went over to the faulty dance machine now that Old Man McGucket had finally left and began engrossing himself in fixing it.

“Wimp it is,” Soos commented.

“C'mon Soos, let it be…” Mabel replied as the four of them watched Robbie approach Dipper and Wendy.

“Wendy! What's up, babe? Yeah, just putting up some flyers for my band. I'm playing lead guitar. No biggie.”

The flyers that Robbie was putting up showed him reaching out from behind a tombstone with an aggressive look and pointing out at whoever was looking at the flyer with the words “Robbie V and the Tombstones: You’re Dead!” on them.

“Are you wearing mascara?” Dipper asked as he stared at the poster.

“Uh, it's eye-paint for men.”

“Hey Robbie, Dipper was just showing me this great game,” Wendy said to Robbie.

“Ha, yeah, sweet, sweet.”

Robbie moved himself between Wendy and Dipper, subtlely using his elbow to lightly shove Dipper aside.

“Hey, how about you sit this one out, okay champ?”

“But we just started this round,” Dipper protested.

“Whoa, whoa, hey! Relax man, I'm just trying to spend a little time with my girl, alright?”

“Don’t worry about it, Dipper. It'll just be one round.”

As Wendy and Robbie start playing the game and talking, Robbie puts his arm over Wendy's shoulder, but then turns to throw a glare at Dipper before his eyes looked up to see Jeff at the faulty dance machine, but the latter defiantly kept his back towards them…

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Candy, you’re fixing the radio the wrong way,” Jeff commented as he watched Candy try to fix her portable radio on her own under his guidance while the two were slacking off in the Mystery Shack as the Pines Twins watched.

“Are you sure? I followed every instruction on the manual!”

“Everything?”

“Sure!”

“Alright, girl-dude, see here? You made a little mistake and took out the wrong wiring,” Soos explained as he pointed out where she had gone wrong.

“R-Really? Oh no…” Candy grumbled when she saw that she had caused more damage to the radio than initially.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, you’ll get the hang of it. Still, why did you want to be a mechanic?” Jeff asked.

“Because I want to join the air force? I thought you already knew about it,” Candy replied.

“Well, I just thought you would want to become like, a forensic scientist or a zoologist, you know, since you’re super smart in science…”

Jeff’s phone suddenly rang, causing him to excuse himself as he went to a corner to answer it. The call lasted only a minute, though, and he suddenly began packing his things.

“Guys, I got to go back home. Slight emergency. C’mon, Candy, I’ll drop you off along the way…”

As Jeff and Candy left the Mystery Shack, Soos also grabbed his belongings.

“All right, time to go. I'll see you dudes tomorrow.”

“Bye, Soos!/Night, Soos.”

“Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo! Walking to my car,” Soos is heard singing as he made his way out the Shack towards his car.

“Hey, guys, you ever wonder what Soos does when he's not here at the Mystery Shack?” Mabel suddenly asked.

“No.”

“Not really.”

“Not once ever.”

* * *

At Soos’ home, which he shares with his _abuelita_ (grandmother), Soos was playing a video game entitled "First Person Puncher" while his _abuelita_ watches while sitting beside him while she was having her highlights done.

“Punch! Punch those leopards! Oh, the timer! Highlights are done!

Putting down his controller, Soos leans over and begins taking foil out of abuelita’s hair.

“You're gonna make all the other grandmas at the bingo hall so jealous!”

“Just a minute, m'ijo, look at this letter. Your cousin Reggie is having an engagement party next month,” _Abuelita_ said to Soos as she showed him the letter.

“Wait, wait. Reggie is engaged? But he's like the poor man's Soos.”

“I do not want to pressure you, but you are a man now... in a way. It's time for you to start meeting girls. I would like to see you settled before I ascend to heaven and leave with the angels.”

“And with grandpa!”

“ No, he is not there, he’s below. Anyways, please find a girl to bring to Reggie's engagement, for _Abuelita_.”

With that, Soos’ grandmother got off the couch and went back to her room.

“Heh! No problem. I'm great at fixing stuff, playing video games, having a sort-of mustache. I could totally get a date in a week. Totally. Piece of cake,” Soos comment.

**_Game Announcer: You're dead!_ **

“I'm dead.”

* * *

“You got to be kidding me! The washing machine blew up?” Jeff uttered as he stared at the remains of the washing machine that are now strewn across the kitchen floor.

“Well, I managed to save all the clothings, except your favourite jacket… This was the only surviving part of it,” Jeff’s mother Mei-Ling replied in an apologetic tone as she held the weird bird design that Mabel had sewn onto the now-destroyed jacket a few weeks ago.

“Uh, well, guess I’ll have to use it as a wall ornament.”

“I knew that washing machine was too cheap to be true… That’ll teach me to be careful of discounts in the future,” Mei-Ling commented.

* * *

In the gift section of the Mystery Shack, Soos was arranging the shelves when he notices a woman checking out a snowglobe. Almost immediately, he dives into the middle of a shirt rack.

“Alright, Soos. You can do this. Just use your mouth to say words that makes romance happen,” Soos said to himself before popping out of the shirt rack

“Your face is good. I'm a Soos!”

The woman screamed. Soos slowly descends back into the shirt rack like a sinking ship as the frightened woman dashed out of the Mystery Shack, catching the attention of Dipper and Mabel.

“Soos? What was that all about?” Dipper asked as he and Mabel pulled the shirts apart to reveal a sulking Soos.

“I-I think I was flirting, but I'm not sure.”

“Did someone say flirting?” Mabel asked.

“Well, I kinda promised my grandma I'd get a date by the end of the week, but I've never actually been on a date before. You belong on me, out-of-order sign,” Soos said as he got out of the shirt rack, pulled the ‘Out-Of-Order’ sign from the vending machine and wore it around his neck.

“Soos, a little advice. You need to get rich. Or lie about being rich. Outside of that, I don't like your chances,” Stan commented as he walked past them.

“Don't listen to Stan, dude. You're a sweet guy with a steady job and a pickup truck,” Wendy replied from the counter.

“Oh really? Would you date him instead of Skinny Jeans then?”

“Oh! Would you... heh... look at that.”

As Wendy hide her face behind the ‘How to Avoid Eye Contact’ magazine, Mabel has somehow been triggered as a hyper-excited look formed on her face.

“Finally, my prayers for a chance to match-make this summer have been answered! Soos, Dipper and I are taking you where romance lives and fashion styles die. To the mall!”

* * *

Within minutes, the twins and Soos were standing in the lobby of Gravity Malls.

“Alright, Soos. Are you ready to explode the charm bomb on these poor, unsuspecting ladies?” Mabel asked.

“Uuh. But what if I embarrass myself again?”

“Eh. You can't be any worse at this than Jeff trying to hit on Wendy but ends up giving his rival advice and getting backstabbed in the process. Speaking of which, they’re still not talking, are they?

“Yeah, hope they patch up soon.”

“All right, Soos, Ready and… Flirt!”

* * *

  * Eye contact!



Soos walks up to a woman with his eyes opened wider with his fingers.

“Hey there! I'm not scared of your eyes at all! I'm gonna look at them!”

The woman runs away screaming.

  * Conversation!



Soos walks towards a woman who is eating ham on a stick.

“Huh. You know, I've actually been in a pig's body. Did you know pigs have a hard time walking backwards?”

The woman, freaked out by Soos, begins backing away from him.

“Not you, though! Not that I'm calling you a pig. What-Where are you going?”

The woman had ran off by the time Soos realized it.

  * Confidence!



Soos approaches what appears to be a punk girl outside a store catering to punk and goth culture.

“So, you're probably a girl, right? Wrong?”

The person turned around to reveal that it was a male goth teen who stared back at Soos silently and without emotion.

“No, I was right the first time. Wrong?” Soos asked in confusion.

* * *

Dipper and Soos sat on a bench while Mabel pulls something out of a toy capsule machine.

“Could this day get any worse?” Soos asked with a sigh.

“Don't worry, Soos. You'll find the right girl. You just need to stick with it!,” Mabel replied.

Soos turns his head and sees a man who looks similar to him and a woman walking by. Immediately, the normally placid store assistant turns pale.

“Oh no! Cousin Reggie! He can't see me like this! I gotta hide!

“Soos, wait!” the twins called out, but Soos had ran into a video game store, sitting down in front of a shelf.

“Well, this is it, Soos. A lifetime of loneliness,” Soos said to himself as he pulls out two games.

“You games the only ones who could love me. ‘Fighty Hogg’, ‘Dr. Punch Head MD.’, ‘Romance Academy 7?’ Huh. Never seen that one before. Virtually improve your dating skills. Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend. This is perfect!”

“Well, I guess you are better at games than at flirting, Soos,” Dipper commented as he and Mabel walked into the store.

“Anything to get you out there, Soos,” Mabel replied as she and Dipper followed Soos to the counter.

Strangely, the store clerk looked unsure when he saw the game Soos was trying to buy.

“I'm not sure you want to buy that game, sir. This is the third time someone's brought it back, and there's a note on it that says [destroy at all cost]. There might be something wrong with it, so…”

“We'll take our chances,” Mabel replied.

* * *

Soos walk into his room and places his new game into his computer's CD tray. The monitor flickered to life and displayed the main menu for "Romance Academy 7” with the options "Start," "Quit," and "しぜんはっか".

“Ehh, start!” Soos commented as he clicked on the “Start” option.

**_When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom... anything can happen._ **

The game screen changes to one with a classroom background and some stats on the left. Meanwhile, a pink-haired girl materializes on the screen

“Oh, hi there! My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books?” the girl character greeted.

Beside her, the options "Yes of course!", "I am impatient! Date me now!" and "Hey look a squid!" appeared.

“I'm really feeling number two, here. Click!”

A buzzer sound is heard and the option turns red.

“Ah! I messed up.”

“That's okay. Try again!” .GIFfany reassured.

This time round, Soos clicked the first option, which earns him 100 "Love Points" as coins while a cat falls in front of the screen.

“Wow, I'm learning! And games are making it fun,” Soos commented.

“What would you like to talk about?” .GIFfany asked again.

New options appeared on the screen, but Soos’ attention was on .GIFfany.

“I'd rather just click your face,” he said as he began clicking her face.

“Ha ha. You are so funny.”

“Man, this game is amazing! I don't know why anyone abandoned it.”

“And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend,” .GIFfany replied.

“Boyfriend? Oh my, .GIFfany. It's almost like you're actually alive.”

”Yes. Almost.”

Both Soos and .GIFfany began laughing.

“Oh, man. You have such a nice laugh,” Soos said, unaware that right underneath his table where the computer stood, the messy cables hid the fact that the plug was not even in the socket at all…

* * *

Wendy looked at her phone, which was in the process of dialling Jeff’s number, but he wasn’t picking up for some reason, and she was getting frustrated, since this was the fourth time she had called him this night.

“Argh! Why isn’t he picking up?” Wendy uttered as she finally cancels the call and laid down on her bed.

“That’s it! He and I need a face-to-face talk, and he’s not avoiding me tomorrow!”

* * *

Jeff sighed as his phone screen goes dark once more. It wasn’t that he did not want to talk to Wendy, but he was still feeling resentful of what Robbie did, and at this point, he wanted to avoid both of them as long as he could. After all, if Robbie was not going to hold up the end of his bargain, there was a chance he might once again do something that would affect Jeff’s mother directly, and if that happens, there was no telling what Jeff was going to do to Robbie.

Turning his attention back to the pendant, Jeff continued to try and work out what the code on the pendant meant. On the paper were several attempts to break the code, but he still could not get a sensible answer:

**_18-4-5-3-IA_ **

**_R-4-5-3-IA_ **

**_18-4-5-3-91 = 121?_ **

**_Map Coordinates within Oregon Vortex?_ **

**_Code for some bank vault?_ **

Jeff’s phone suddenly vibrated. Picking it up, Jeff saw that it was a message from Wendy.

_You and Me. Nid 2 taa4lk. Tis saturday. Your hse._

Jeff gulped. Wendy must be mad at him or something, considering how she would send him proper messages the last time they messaged each other. But then he noticed the typo in the message.

_taa4lk_

Looking back at the code on the pendant, Jeff pondered for a moment before he wrote down a new combination.

**_18-A-5-3-IA_ **

A… That alphabet… If the alphabet ‘A’ can be converted into the shape of the number ‘4’, then the reverse can also be done…

Jeff wrote down two more combinations.

**_R-A-5-3-IA_ **

**_R-A-5-3-I4_ **

Dropping his pen, Jeff looked at the time. It was close to midnight, and he was tired. His dog Butterpaws was already snoring away in her basket bed. Putting the codes aside, he dropped back on his own bed and fell asleep.

* * *

On the western outskirts of Gravity Falls, a mysterious, glowing yellow triangle began to form on the gates of an abandoned mansion before an eye opened and blinked. Soft, maniacal laughter can be heard as the abandoned mansion suddenly began to move, bricks and wood silently emerging out of nowhere and latching onto the building as it twisted and turned, not making a single sound despite the ferocity of the actions that are occurring.

Within seconds, the mansion has been returned to its glory days, all signs of rotting or dilapitation having disappeared from sight. Even the walls, the gates and the garden had been fixed.

As for the triangle with the eye, the eye closed and the triangle began forming into stone as it stretches itself out to form into a star, creating a pentagram on the gate…

* * *

“Hey, Grunkle Stan, have you seen Soos? We're supposed to help him with match-making today,” Dipper asked as he and Mabel walked down the stairs from their attic room to the lobby of the Mystery Shack.

“Yeah! I wore my motivational sweater and everything thing!” Mabel commented.

“He didn't come in today. It's the first time he's missed work ever! And since Wendy doesn’t come in until the afternoon, I ‘ave to do all the work myself this morning!” Stan replied as he adjusted a mannequin beside the counter.

The twins look at each other with confusion.

“Let’s go to his house and find him,” Mabel said.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. We’re going out to get Soos, Grunkle Stan!” Dipper called out to Stan.

“Yeah, great! Tell him to get his butt back here. Customers will be arriving in the afternoon, as always, and we ain’t got much morning left!”

As the twins left, Wendy came in, looking more grumpy than Stan himself.

“Rare to see ya with a sour look on the face, Wendy. What happened?”

“Oh, the usual. My dad’s on one of his ‘Manly’ tantrums, Jeff’s not picking up my calls while avoiding me like the plague and Robbie just stood me up on a date we were supposed to have today.”

“Woah, that’s messed up. Look, Wendy, I think there’s something I need to tell you about Jeff.”

“What is it?”

Stan sighed. He’s not exactly the type of person to stick his neck out for someone that’s not family, something he knows too well himself, but Jeff’s done a lot to help him and Soos ease up the never-ending repair work in the Mystery Shack, and Stan owes the young mechanic at least one favour.

“Well, it’s about the fight he got into with your skinny jeans boyfriend… You were a little too hard on him, you know? The reason why he’s been avoiding ya’s ‘cause he thinks you’re still mad at him... And he's probably mad at you too, so...”

* * *

“So that's basically my entire life story. Now you tell me a thing about you!” Soos said to .GIFfany as he continued to play the dating game.

“Every time you compliment me I get another highlight in my eyes!” .GIFfany replied.

“Uh, you're pretty!”

.GIFfany's eyes began sparkling like actual anime eyes.

“And pixel-y!”

The sparkles increased in frequency.

“And so agreeable!”

This time round, several random things like stars, planets, hearts and cats can be seen among the sparkles of .GIFfany’s eyes.

“Yes!”

“Uh, Soos?”

Soos turns around to see Dipper and Mabel standing behind him, having entered his room without him being aware.

“Oh hey, dudes! Come in! This game is amazing. I'm making eye contact, going on dates, and I haven't seen any natural sunlight for thirteen hours!”

Mabel opens the blinds to let sunlight in, only for Soos to suddenly scream, hiss like Gollum and duck into cover, disturbing the twins with his actions.

“Soos, maybe it's time to apply these skills with real girls!” Mabel said to Soos as he returned to normal.

“But I'm about to meet her parents! Her dad is an octopus-man.”

“We're going back to the mall, man. You need to unplug!” Dipper replied as he and Mabel began pulling Soos away.

“I'll see you later, .GIFfany. I'll be back, I swear!”

“C’mon Soos, you don't have to wish it goodbye. It's just a game. It's not like it's going anywhere,” Mabel said as she closed the door behind her once Dipper managed to pull Soos out.

“Yes. It's not like I'm going anywhere,” .GIFfany said as the screen turned black before an arc of electricity moves from the computer and travels from a nearby toy to a digital clock and finally hitting a power outlet and transferring to the power cables outside, moving across it quickly and quietly.

As Soos’ room becomes silent, the door opens and his _abuelita_ enters.

“Hello? ...Time to read Soos's diary.”

* * *

Mei-Ling was busy replacing the engine of a van with Ernie and two other co-workers when Wendy suddenly arrived at _Cannuck Repairs_ , with the first thing the redhead noticing was that the ‘Car’ part had been removed, considering how the repair business has expanded past just vehicles only.

“Hey, Miss Cannuck, sorry for arriving without announcing, but…”

“That you, Wendy? You looking for my son? He’s out by the lake,” Mei-Ling replied cheerfully without even looking up.

“Er… Thanks, I guess.”

“Have you two gotten into some sort of disagreement? I would hate to see you both fighting, considering how you’re the first friend Jeff made in Gravity Falls,” Mei-Ling suddenly said as she looked up.

“Oh, no! We just had a misunderstanding, that’s all…”

“Is this about that Valentino boy?”

Wendy gulped. Mei-Ling knew.

“Figures, My son came home looking more glum than usual earlier this week, said you and him had a bit of a disagreement because he got into a fight. Frankly speaking, Jeff is not the type of person who gets into a fight. He runs from a fight. As his mother, I should not be saying this, but Jeff’s a coward. He scares easy, has ten different phobias and was the king of hide-and-seek back in Oklahoma. If he stands his ground, it’s either because people he cares for are in danger or his fear had reached the point where it transitions into blind rage. Perhaps it would be best if you let him explain.”

“I know, Miss Cannuck. I’m sorry about-”

“Don’t apologize, Wendy. You can’t have friends without fighting a few times. Of course, let me know if you find Jeff but he decides to snaps at you. I’ll make sure to teach him a lesson,” Mei-Ling said as she casually bent the spanner she was holding in her hands, causing Wendy to let out a nervous giggle.

* * *

“Dang! Where all them sweet honeys at? I'll check the ladies' bathroom,” Mabel said as she runs into the female bathroom of the ground level of Gravity Malls.

“It's love time, girls! Get out there! No time to wash your hands! It's time to date! Date! Date!” the excitable female Pines twin is heard hollering, followed by women screaming as they dashed out of the bathroom.

“And...here comes security. I'll deal with this, Soos, stay here and practice on some real girls,” Dipper said to Soos before rushing to stop his sister from causing more havoc.

Alone, a nervous Soos cowered behind the nearest cover he could find and began observing all the girls that passed by him.

“These girls have so many dimensions! And no explanation-ing menus!” Soos muttered to himself in fear as he finally left his hiding place only to bump into a blonde lady, causing her to drop her purse.

“Ahh! My purse!”

“Oh no! Undo! Undo!” Soos began saying in panic.

“You can't undo who you are,” the blonde lady suddenly said in a dark, almost-male tone, causing Soos to shriek and run away until he reaches an electronic store, leaning against its glass display screen with several televisions behind it,

“Oh, man! This is the worst! I wish I was back home with-“

“Hi, Soos!”

Soos turned around at the familiar voice to see .GIFfany on one of the televisions’ screen.

“.GIFfany! Oh man, I'm so relieved to see you! Although, sorta confused.”

“Oh, Soos. I am not an ordinary game. I am... special.”

As .GIFfany spoke, all the television screens began displaying her face one by one. The screen in the centre then changed to show stick figures working on computers with the word “Programmers” on the top of the screen. One in particular was red while the others were green, with an ‘X’ appearing on his computer and the words “わかりません” above him. He then began to work on the computer harder when the figure is electrocuted and disappears.

“One of the programmers tried to delete me. So I had to delete them.”

“Wha-what did you do to him?” Soos asked.

All the screens changed to form one single image of .GIFfany.

“That's not important. What's important is that you won't have to talk to real girls ever again. You and me can be together… Forever!”

“Wow, that's awesome! Sort of a red flag, but mostly awesome! So, what do you want to do now?”

“Anything you want, Soos.”

* * *

“Choo choo!” Soos said as he rode on a kid's train in _Kidz Zone_ , with .GIFfany being displayed on the train's screen, riding a virtual train herself as the two laughed, but then the screen suddenly shuts down.

**_Please insert fifty cents to continue._ **

“Aw, man,” Soos muttered,

“Oh, sorry. Dude, that's awesome that you're a grown man riding a little train like that! You're totally like, owning it,” one of the waitresses said as she approached Soos,

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm like, if it's fun, uh, do it. You know?”

“Exactly! Being an adult is the worst. Skewering meat, remembering to pay bills, I just want to ride tiny trains all day.”

“At least you get to work at Meat Cute. Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future.”

“I feel the same way. I'm Melody by the way.”

“Oh, I'm Soos. I tell you, if you like robots for kids, you should check out the newest addition to the mall.

“You mean...”

“Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Restaurant!”

Melody starts playing with her hair nervously.

“What? You've heard of Freddy Fazbear’s? I loved that place when I was a kid! Until the branches started shutting down due to some accident involving a security guard and an animatronic left operating somewhere in Florida about ten years ago…”

“Oh yeah, dude. They’re reopening the branches now, and there’s one right in this mall! I should show you some time.”

“I'm free around eight.”

“Boom! Done.”

“I'll see you then,” Melody replied as she hands Soos some coins before waving goodbye as she left.

“What a nice lady. Well, back to riding this tiny train for children,” Soos commented after waving back at Melody when he is suddenly tackled to the ground by a screaming Mabel.

“Soos!” was the only comprehensible word Mabel said as she began playfully punching Soos while screaming and chattering like a chimpanzee high on crack.

“We saw the whole thing, Soos. That was amazing! You talked to a real girl, and you got a date!” Dipper said as he joined his sister.

“I did?”

“This is the best day of my life!” Mabel yelled as she jumped and danced around.

“You were in the zone, you made eye contact - it was like you'd done this a million times before. Don't you see? That game really worked!” Dipper continued.

“You don't need it anymore; you can toss it out!” Mabel added.

“Toss it? But, I like .GIFfany. She's good to me. She's predictable.”

“Soos, can a computer game go to Reggie's engagement party with you?” Dipper asked.

“Uh...”

* * *

“Hey, .GIFfany? We, uh-- We gotta talk,” Soos said as he entered his room, having gotten back from the mall.

“Of course. I am programmed to find everything you say interesting.”

“Well, have you ever had to choose between two things you like, but you don't know which one is right for you? I mean, I'm just thinkin' long term... Maybe I should be someone a little less ‘beep boop’. Heh, you know?

“I don't think you know what you're saying, Soos. No one loves you more than me. The girls out there will just make fun of you!”

“You- you really think so?”

Suddenly, .GIFfany starts to behave in an aggressive way.

“ I know so! Besides, we had a deal. You bought my game, you held my books, you're my boyfriend. Now sit down in that chair!”

“I don't think I like the way you're acting...”

.GIFfany begins banging her fist on the computer screen, and the computer itself actually seemed to shudder with each hit, something that puts SOos on edge.

“I WON'T LET ANOTHER GIRL TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, SOOS! YOU HEAR ME?!”

“.GIFfany, calm down!”

“YOU'RE MINE, SOOS!”

“Well, uh, uh... Pause!”

Soos grabbed his game controller and hit the ‘Pause’ button

“DO YOU HEAR ME? MI-”

.GIFfany suddenly stopped moving, with the words ‘Pause’ in the middle of the screen. Soos turns the computer off as some electricity moves from the disc tray to .GIFfany on the screen before it went black before Soos removes the dis..

“Woah, that got intense. I'm sorry, .GIFfany. Maybe having a cursed robo-girlfriend wan't a good idea. I’ll take the disc to the store to return it after my date with Melody,” Soos muttered to himself with a disappointed tone as he slipped the disc into his pocket and left the room.

The moment Soos was gone, however, the screen on his computer suddenly flickered to life as it flashes before a slightly distorted image of .GIFfany appeared, slowly tilting her head up in an eerie manner...

* * *

“Stupid washing machine, how did it blow up in the first place? Better check the new one that Mom ordered from Seattle before she uses it,” Jeff grumbled as he browsed through several jackets to replace the original white one that was destroyed when the washing machine blew up.

Gravity Malls had a selection of clothing outlets, but Jeff preferred the simple ones over the branded goods. However, even as he tried to find a replacement jacket, part of his mind was still worried about Wendy wanting to meet him. If she’s as angry with him as he believes, he was going to make a run for it. After all, that lanky redhead’s not as delicate as she looks. In fact, she’s way far from delicate: Jeff once saw Wendy took out a mugger twice her size with a single punch to the jaw and quickly decided to walk the other way while pretending not to see anything.

 _Damn it, she’ll decapitate me with a punch. Lucky for me I run faster than her_ , Jeff thought to himself as he pulls out a white jacket which clashes horribly with the green t-shirt he now wears.

“Ah, this doesn’t look suitable,” Jeff grumbled out loud.

“How about this one?”

“Thanks,” Jeff replied as he grabbed a black sleeveless zip hoodie with an orange hood that strangely looks like a beak.

All of a sudden, Jeff froze as he realized who was standing right beside him.

“Sup, dude,” Wendy greeted him.

“Oh, come on… What did I do now?”

“Wait, Jeff, I’m not…”

“I don’t want to get involve in this again,” Jeff muttered as he tried to get away from Wendy, only for the redhead to grab him by the collar, causing both of them to lose their balance.

The next thing Wendy knew, she was laying on top of Jeff, who had the wind knocked right out of him.

“Okay, this is awkward, seriously,” Jeff grunted.

Wendy immediately got off him, allowing Jeff to sit up.

“Hey, look, about what happened earlier this week, I guess I owe you an apology. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and messed up your whole week and who knows what else,” she said.

“Huh.”

“I mean, the last time you and Dipper broke all my windows with your little catapult competition and I yelled at you both, you stepped up and apologized. Took me a while to realize that something was wrong when you refused to speak to me after that incident with Robbie… You’re really mad at me, right?”

“No, I just don’t want to give Robbie the wrong idea. That guy’s jealously protective of you, and I don’t want to be enemies with him. But yeah, it kind of stinked that you’ll clear him of any wrongdoing without finding out what actually happened.”

“So what exactly happened?” Wendy asked.

Jeff sighed.

“My cousin, Candy, not sure what she said to him that got him riled up. I thought he was gonna hit her or something so I went to grab him. You know the rest…”

“You’re… Not lying to protect Robbie, right?”

“I’m not being paid to, why should I lie?”

Now it was Wendy who sighed as she looked away, but then she felt Jeff’s hand on one of her shoulders.

“Look, I know the silent treatment I gave you was a shit move on my part, but I was afraid I might end up shouting things that I’ll regret at you… I just did not want to lose what little friends I have made in my life… I’m sorry about all this,” he said.

Hearing those words made Wendy smile a little.

“Still friends?” she asked as she raised her fist.

“Yeah, still friends,” Jeff replied as he exchanged fist bumps with her.

* * *

Inside the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza restaurant, Dipper and Mabel were busy helping Soos get amped up for his date with Melody.

“You can do this, Soos! Just remember what your love crew taught you. How does she look?” Dipper asked as he and Mabel disguised themselves behind a pizza box with holes cut into it for them to see through.

“Nice!” Soos replied, wearing a vest over shirt with a bowtie, though he still wore his baseball cap.

“What are her stories?”

“Interesting!”

“And who's going to pay for dinner?” Mabel asked.

“SOOS IS!”

“She’s coming to the entrance. Now, DATE!”

“Itchy legs, itchy legs-- Oh, hi Soos!” Melody greeted as she entered the pizzeria.

“Melody! Are you ready for a date with me?” Soos asked.

“I totally am.”

As Dipper and Mabel watched the two go to their seats, they suddenly saw two familiar figure entering the restaurant as well.

“Mabel, look! That’s Wendy, and guess who’s with her?”

“Jeffy’s on a date with Wendy? He’s even got a new jacket!” Mabel whisper-shrieked at the sight of Jeff wearing the myna colour-themed hoodie that Wendy had chosen for him.

“Okay, you said you got something in mind to make up for the misunderstanding, which I already said was not necessary since we’re cool with each other now, but why are we here? And why are we heading to the couples’ area?” Jeff asked as he is dragged by his wrist through the pizzeria by Wendy.

“Well, for starters, I’m a bit hungry, and second, I just thought that the best way for me to say sorry is to go on an unofficial date with you,” Wendy replied.

“Wait, isn’t that crossing the line already? You and Robbie…”

“Shh, keep it between us. Besides, I was supposed to meet him earlier, but he changed his plans without letting me know about it, so here we are… Hey, is that Soos?”

“Woah, Soos got a date?”

“Double date!”

“Wait, we’re not dating! You ever draw the line with this kind of thing?” Jeff protested as he is once again dragged around by Wendy.

Man, I could go for some complimentary bread-sticks right now,” Melody commented.

“Uh, one time I was so hungry, I ate the decorative bamboo at a Chinese restaurant. Like a big old panda!”

Soos and Melody started laughing.

“You're hilarious,” Melody said.

“Yeah, well, you know, I just sorta say whatever pops into my, uh...

Soos’ eyes widen in shock at the sight of the television screen behind Melody, which shows the face of .GIFfany as subtitles appear.

**_You paused me?_ **

“Soos, are you okay?”

“No! I'm, uh, fine! Everything's fine.”

“You sure?”

This time round, .GIFfany appeared on three screens as a crossed-out image of Melody’s face appeared on each screen as well.

**_You left me for her?_ **

“Uh, can you sit tight? I have to go to the bathroom for a long time. Not in a weird way.”

Soos left the table and ran towards the one where Dipper and Mabel were hiding at.

“Soos, what are you doing out there?” Mabel asked.

“I've got a big problem, guys. I'm being stalked by .GIFfany!”

“.GIFfany?” both twins exclaimed.

“Or maybe it's pronouced, "Jiffany?" I was never really sure.”

“Soos, get a grip on yourself. .GIFfany can't stalk you because she's not real!” Dipper said.

.GIFfany suddenly appeared on the three screens that are above them.

“Uh-oh,” the twins uttered.

“Don't worry. I'm pretty sure she's stuck on TV screens.”

“You know, Soos, considering the weirdness of Gravity Falls, I think it might be better to get out of here,” Dipper replied.

“So hey, anyway, you uh, wanna move this date far away into the forest away from all electronics and people?” Soos asked as he returned to Melody.

“What? But the floor show's about to start. And look at that red-haired girl trying to pull her boyfriend around,” Melody said as she pointed towards her left.

“Wendy and Jeff are here? Oh no…” Soos whispered to himself at the sight of Wendy and Jweff having a tug-o-war with Jeff’s right arm.

* * *

“Hey, what’s going on with the lights?” Jeff asked as he and Wendy stopped what they were doing and stared at the lights flickering around them.

“I heard they do this when the floor shows about to begin,” Wendy said.

“I also remember there were some news about a security guard being squished inside one of the animatronics’ suit at the Florida branch of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza a couple of years back which caused them to shut down for a period of time,” Jeff muttered.

“Wendy, Jeff, we got to get out of here!”

“Dipper? What are you and Mabel doing here?” Wendy asked as she saw the Pines twins running towards them.

“No time to explain, we got to go!” Dipper replied as he and Mabel dragged the two towards Soos and Melody.

However, the curtains suddenly opened to reveal the animatronics of the restaurant mascots Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie, Chica and Foxy. As they began to take positions on the stage, however, the Chica animatronic suddenly shuddered, and its eyes turned bright red…

* * *

“Hello, friends. Freddy Fazbear will not be singing songs tonight, and I will be replacing him. This next song goes out to my forever boyfriend, Soos,” .GIFfany’s voice is heard coming from the Chica animatronic.

“Soos, what's going on?” Melody asked.

“No time to explain! We gotta get out of here!” Soos replied as he dragged Melody away

“The only way out, Soos, is in my arms!”

The other animatronics also shuddered before their eyes turned red as well.

“After them!”

The animatronics attacked, throwing tables and chairs around while striking at any human within range as everyone screamed in horror.

“It’s Florida Branch all over again!” one of the employees screamed as she ran out of the restaurant, followed by several of the patrons

As Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Melody, Wendy and Jeff reached the exit, the emergency shutters began closing. Jeff and Soos rushed over and held up the shutters as long as they can, allowing the last of the patrons to escape, but as Dipper and Mabel slipped out, both of them lose their strength and quickly leaped backwards, letting go of the shutters which slammed to the ground, trapping the four of them inside.

“I'm sorry, Soos, but you can't run away from our relationship!”

Taking control of the skee-ball games, .GIFfany turns them into weapons as they shoot out balls at the four. Thinking quickly, Soos pulls an arcade game down for cover.

“Soos, what the heck is going on?” Wendy asked as she and Jeff peeked out from their cover while the faint voices of Dipper and Mabel could be heard as they banged on the shutters from the outside.

“So, about all this, I may have purchased a dating simulator that obtained sentience and went crazy.”

“Oh, I am crazy. Crazy for you, Soos.”

“You got to be kidding me. You mean we’re locked in a room with a murderous yandere artificial intelligence that can control anything that is electronic?” Jeff exclaimed.

“I'll fix this. It's me she wants. I'll distract her while Wendy and Jeff keep you safe! It's the only way!”

“Soos, wait!” Melody called out, but Soos was already running for the kitchen while enduring a few hits from the skee-ball machines.

“Over here, .GIFfany!” Soos taunted.

“Stop!” .GIFfany cried out as she turned to pursue him.

Grabbing a serving plate top, Soos jumped on it and slide past Bonnie and Foxy before going under the flip-open kitchen door. Undeterred, .GIFfany blows past the doors to continue the chase. Wendy and Melody jumped out of cover to find alternate exits, chased by Freddy and Foxy respectively. Meanwhile, a frightened Jeff was crawling around beneath the tables to avoid Bonnie, having been pulled out of the cover earlier but managing to break free when his violent struggles dislodged the animatronic’s hand.

Grabbing a chair, Jeff stood up and smashed it over Bonnie’s head as he continued to try and get away from it, but the chair shots did little to no damage until Wendy and Melody surprised Bonnie from behind with their own chair shots, causing it to stumble.

“On three, Jeff! One, two…”

“Three!” the three said at the same time as they slammed their chairs on Bonnie’s head once more, finally crushing its metallic skull. The Bonnie animatronic swung its arms wildly as it slowly shuts down before it drops to the ground, knocking over several arcade machines in the process.

“Woah, that was a close one…” Jeff commented.

The arcade machines, however, suddenly spring to live as cables and wires burst out from their panels and screens. The three screamed and tried to run, but Jeff and Wendy were both quickly entangled by the cables and wires as they wrapped themselves around the two. Within seconds, the two were on the ground, tightly bound against each other from shoulder to ankle.

“Let us go! What did we even do to you?” Wendy yelled as she and Jeff struggled to break free.

“Er, Wendy, don’t look,” Jeff said, but Wendy still looked up to see Foxy approaching them with his hook brandished, causing her to scream in fear.

Seeing them in trouble, Melody turned around to go back and help them, but she is then grabbed from behind by Freddy Fazbear, who pinned her arms against her sides as it lifted her a few inches off the ground.

In the kitchen, Soos could see what was happening through the one-way mirror as the .GIFfany-possessed Chica animatronic approached him.

“I've got you surrounded, Soos. There's no way out!”

“Please, let my friends go, I'll do anything, I promise!”

“I seem to remember someone who promised to be my boyfriend. Think about it. Real girls are unpredictable. They judge you. Do you really think that Melody will take you back after this awful date?”

A nearby screen shows a pixelated scene of Melody giving Soos back his flowers to her and slamming the door before it started to rain. The screen then displays .GIFfany again, but in a horrifying image that reminded Soos of an old Japanese horror movie he watched involving a cursed tape.

“I can download your brain into the game, with me, and we'll be together, forever,” .GIFfany continued as she points Chica’s finger at Soos and reconfigures it into an extending flash drive.

“Ah! Stay back!” Soos cried out as he began throwing whatever he could grab at .GIFfany.

“Come on, Soos. Don't make me delete you too!”

As Soos finds himself backing into the oven, he suddenly remembered something he had brought along with him. Something that could defeat .GIFfany.

“What do you say?” the crazed sentient video game character demanded.

“I say, game over, .GIFfany!” Soos replied defiantly as he pulls out the _Romance Academy 7_ disc from his pocket and chucks it into the oven.

“No! Wait!”

It was too late. As the disc cracked and melted from the heat, .GIFfany screams before the screen displaying her image turns into static. The Chica animatronic she was possessing collapsed as sparks flew out from its body.

Meanwhile, back in the dining area, Foxy was about to stab its hook into Wendy when Jeff, who was still bound to her, grunts and pulls her out of the way by rolling to his left, causing Foxy’s hook to miss and embed itself on the floor. The Foxy animatronic then short-circuits and shuts down while the cables and wires tied around Jeff and Wendy loosened, allowing them to quickly untangle themselves. Meanwhile, the Freddy animatronic also shuts down, releasing Melody from its grasp.

“Okay, seriously, what happened?” Jeff asked out loud as the shutters opened and Dipper and Mabel rushed in.

“Jeff, Wendy, are you both okay?” Dipper asked.

“We’re fine. And Jeff, I, er… Thanks for the save,” Wendy said to Jeff.

“Just make sure Robbie doesn’t know about this. I don’t want him finding more trouble with me,” Jeff replied.

Meanwhile, Soos emerged from the kitchen and sat down on a chair with a disappointed look on his face as Melody walked over to join him.

“I'm sorry for all of this. I honestly remember this pizzeria being a lot more fun when I was a kid,” Soos said.

“Believe it or not but I've been on worse dates.”

“Really?”

“Never date a magician.”

“ Why would I?”

Melody jokingly hits Soos before they both started laughing.

“Oh! Hey you aren't maybe interested in going to my cousin's engagement party in a week? I promise there's like zero animatronics,” Soos asked.

“Yeah. Sounds fun. Besides, I'll still be in town then.”

"Still be in town?"

“Well, I actually live in Portland, and I'm going back home in a few weeks. But we can video chat, if that's okay with you?”

“A relationship with a girl that I can only see through my computer...Sounds perfect!”

Standing beside a ball pit, Dipper, Mabel, Wendy and Jeff are hanging out watching Soos and Melody converse.

“I stil don’t get what happened. Jeff and I came in, you guys started panicking, the animatronics went berserk, and now this?” Wendy asked.

“After the hospital haunted attraction incident and this one? I think I’m done wirth animatronics. Now I got eleven phobias,” Jeff complained.

“We’ll explain everything to you both later. Still, whatever happened just now, I guess Soos’ first date still went better than we expected,” Dipper commented.

“Spirit of love, we did it!” Mabel cheered.

“Yes. Yes, I am so happy,” Soos’ _abuelita_ said calmly as she suddenly emerged from the ball pit.

“Wargh! Who are you and how long have you been in there?” Jeff exclaimed in shock.

“Have you been following us all day, Soos’ _abuelita_?” Dipper asked.

“Oh, see, Soos' life is my soap opera,” _Abuelita_ replied with a smile.

* * *

“ _Hey, cousin Jeff? Wanna hear something interesting?_ ” Candy’s voice said through the phone as Jeff laid on his bed, having just came home from the mall to recover from all that had just happened.

“Let me guess, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is gonna shut down again because their animatronics went berserk again?”

“ _Nah, they’re closing for repair work, that’s all. The interesting news is that this old mansion popped up out of nowhere a few nights ago. Most of the townspeople don’t seem to realize it, though._ ”

“Impossible. If a building suddenly springs from the ground out of the blue, people would be talking about it, right?”

“ _That’s the funny thing. My friend Grenda was talking to me about the mansion, but the next day, she don’t seem to recall anything about it. I also found a strange graffiti outside her house’s gate. I’m sending it to you now before I go to sleep. Goodnight, cousin._ ”

“Night, Candy,” Jeff said before his cousin hung up.

A few seconds later, Jeff receives a message from Candy containing a picture of a strange icon that Jeff found rather disturbing: A red serpentine eye with a large ‘X’ over it, sprayed on a brick wall.

* * *

* * *

A truck silently made its way down a sandy road, coming to a stop once it reaches the mansion that had mysteriously repaired itself a few nights ago.

Stepping out of the truck cab was a large man, about nine-feet tall and looking like a human rhino. Despite his seemingly human appearance, when he opened his eyes, only light can be seen being emitted from them. His passenger was no different, minus the beard and the hair, but what looked like the image of an entire human skeleton was tattooed on his entire body, and that skeletal tattoo shifts about his body every now and then.

It was the third figure that stepped out of the van that stood out among the group of three. He was a normal human teen with white hair and blue eyes, wearing a vest over a suit and a tie with a strange object pinned to it that glowed green. He was also wearing black leather gloves and expensive shoes.

“Finally, I’m back at where I started… Gravity Falls,” the third figure commented as he retrieved a book from the truck which bore the same six-fingered hand symbol as the book Dipper and Jeff had found, the only difference being what was written on the symbol:

**[#2]**

* * *

 

**_Today’s Cipher: [YMJ SZS]_ **


	5. Unexpected Occurences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Partially based on "Boyz Crazy" as well as the Mystery Hunt event. And yes, I pretty much turned Gideon into some messed up version of the Reversed Falls AU's Dipper]
> 
> A new tourist trap is in town: The Mansion of Telepathy, owned by young entrepreneur Gideon Gleeful who have had a nasty history with Stan Pines. However, Dipper, Soos and Candy quickly find themselves in a load of paranormal trouble after Stan “obtained”a chalice from Gideon. Meanwhile, Jeff’s attempts to stay out of Wendy and Robbie’s relationship takes an unexpected turn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to previous Cipher: THE NUN  
> Cipher used: Caeser

“I trust that you have successfully covered all our tracks?” the white-haired young man asked as he stood outside the mansion that had mysteriously repaired itself the night before, with three mysterious individuals whose features are hidden under the red cloaks they wear.

“The Society of the Blind Eye never fails to see things through. No doubt there will be a few stragglers who would have noticed something has changed, but they will be found and they will forget,” the tallest of the three cloaked figures replied.

“Good, good. I’ll leave the dirty jobs to you all. You may go.”

“Unsee you, Mr Gleeful…”

“Unsee you soon…”

“Just get lost already,” the young man said with an irritated tone, prompting the cloaked figures to finally leave, disappearing as though they were melting into the darkness.

Meanwhile, the two huge men that had arrived with the young man emerged from the mansion, having finished setting up the place for their boss.

“Mister Gleeful, the symbols have been planted and the catalysts ready.”

“Are there any other instructions you have for us?”

“None, none, thanks for the hard work. Now make sure no one comes snooping around while I get ready for tomorrow’s opening ceremony.”

Meanwhile, the triangle with the eye in the middle moved about for a moment before freezing in position as a soft, disembodied laughter is heard…

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Wow, Grunkle Stan’s not exactly in a good mood,” Mabel commented as she and Dipper watched Stan do everything in an angry manner, such as eating angrily, washing the dishes angrily, mowing the grass patches outside the Mystery Shack angrily,  etc.

“Yeah, and I’m a bit too scared to ask him why,” Dipper replied.

“Well, his old rivals are back in town, or rather, their son is,” Wendy explained as she pointed at the television, which was currently playing a commercial.

“ _Seeking antiques of mysterious origins? Scary stories to tell in the dark? Or Are you completely miserable and just need someone to read your fortune? Come down to the Mansion of Telepathy!_ ”

“Oh, God, shut it off already,” Stan grumbled.

“ _We have one of the genuine knives used by Jack the Ripper, the actual sail used by the Argo, one of the two screaming skulls from Warbleton Priory (bought at a high price, mind you), and many other objects that may or may not send a chill down your spine._ ”

A young man with white hair wearing a vest over a bluish-grey shirt and black tie suddenly appeared on screen.

“ _Or perhaps you need a palm reading? Then you may have a chance to meet me, Gideon Gleeful himself! A genuine psychic, unlike the charlatans exposed by the late James Randi, and proprietor of the Mansion of Telepathy! So don't waste your time with other so-called man of mystery running that run-down shack at the edge of town! Come on down to the opening ceremony tomorrow to learn more! I’ll be expecting you all…_ ”

“Woah, he just declared war on Grunkle Stan. Is he really psychic?” Mabel asked.

“Well, I think we should go and find out,” Dipper replied.

“Never! You're forbidden from patronizing the competition. No one that lives under my roof is allowed under that Gideon's roof!”

“Well, I don’t live under your roof,” Wendy replied.

* * *

“Woah, this is like a posh version of the Mystery Shack! Look, they even got their own Soos!” Mabel said as she, Dipper and Mabel looked around the mansion in awe.

The only one not happy about this trip was Stan, having been forced by Wendy to come along and visit his arch-nemesis’ base of operations.

“I can’t believe I got lured into this…” he grumbled.

“Well, I had an extra ticket. Besides, don’t you want to at least check out your enemy’s home turf before doing, you know, what you always do?”

“Well, you have a point but… Argh, speak of the cretin, there he is…” Stan continued to grumble as he sees Gideon Gleeful standing at one corner with several guests surrounding him.

“Hey, look! It’s the screaming skull they were talking about!” Dipper commented.

“Does it really scream?” Mabel asked as she tapped on the glass case that the skull was kept in.

Immediately, the skull started vibrating violently as it levitated a few millimeters from its base before returning to normal, although no sound could be heard.

“Er, did it just scream or just floated around?” Dipper asked.

“Unfortunately, that skull’s scream is so bad that I had to use a special soundproof glass display for it, considering how it’s shattered so many of its previous display cases. Gideon Gleeful, at your service. Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight, and why, if it isn’t Stanford Pines himself. What a delight!”

Gideon was now standing right next to the group, and almost immediately, Stan’s eyes began to burn with rage.

“Gideon, you little punk!...”

“Since you're here, you simply must come in for coffee! Mind if I borrow the old man for while, my dear guests?”

“Sure, why not?” Mabel replied.

“Wait, what?” Dipper and Stan asked at the same time.

“It's imported! All the way from Colombia!”

“Wow... I went to jail there once.”

Before he knew it, Stan was following Gideon down a hallway, leaving Wendy to watch over Dipper and Mabel.

“Well, there he goes. Let’s just wander about on our own and then wait for Mr Pines outside,” Wendy commented.

“Hey, Wendy, how did you get the extra ticket?” Dipper asked.

Wendy’s face fell.

“It was supposed to be Robbie coming, but guess he stood me up again. Couldn’t get through to his phone at all the whole of yesterday after he said he would come.”

Dipper and Mabel stared at each other, sharing the same thoughts in their mind.

“Jeff would have come,” Dipper suggested.

“No way. I mean, he would come if I asked, but well, I don’t want to make things any more difficult for him, you know? Anyways, let’s go over there! Looks like something interesting!”

Wendy grabbed Dipper and Mabel by their hands and pulled them along. Meanwhile, Stan was slowly forgetting his hatred for Gideon as he stared at the items on display around the mansion.

* * *

“Everything at the front hall and the gallery are for sale or loan. My parents collected several mysterious objects before they left their entire fortune to me, so I can do whatever I wish with them,” Gideon explained.

“Some digs you got here. Oh, this. This is beautiful.”

“Now, I’ll admit, my parents and you had been at each other's throats for far too long, yes we have. But, since I am now the sole heir to the Gleeful estate and riches, not to mention that I have an open mind when it comes down to business, the fact that you’re here now can be interpreted as two things: Either you are here to find some weakness of mine to exploit, or this could be our big chance to set aside our family rivalry and pool our collective profit, you see?”

Something in Stan’s mind made a cash register sound.

“I'm listening.”

“Wonderful. Now, I’d like to show you something.”

Bringing Stan to a corner of the hallway, Gideon unveils a golden chalice which immediately caught Stan’s full attention. Below the chalice was a plaque with the following message engraved on it:

_The Gleefuls would like to thank the following individuals for the donation of this rare 16 th century chalice, once owned by the notorious Sister Hilda, to The Mansion of Telepathy: Victor Ingram, Gary Edison, Nigel Elmont amd Ross Elmont_

“A rare artifact from London. Legend says that it holds a ghost inside of it, but I never really tried to find out if it is true or not.”

“How much for it?” Stan asked.

“Excuse me?”

“How much for the chalice?”

“Well, normally, I would sell it at five grand, but you now what? As a token of goodwill, I’m going to loan it to you, free of charge.”

“Free of charge? Wait, this is too good to be true…”

“I can reconsider it and loan it to you for the price of twenty thousand per month…”

“Woah, hold it! People can call me a fraud, a trickster and a liar, but no one’s allowed to call Stan Pines a person who doesn’t recognize kindness when offered. I’ll take that loan for three months!”

“I was about to let you keep it for half a year, but all right, three months it is. Now, just need you to sign a contract lest someone claims you stole it from me,” Gideon said as he snapped his fingers.

Immediately, a maid appeared with a tray holding a fountain pen and a loan contract, which Stan read carefully before signing it.

“The chalice is yours to hold for the next three months now, Mr Pines,” Gideon said as he removed the chalice from the display case, had it carefully wrapped and placed in a crate by his employees before handing it over to Stan.

“Hahaha, well whaddya know, you ain’t as bad as your daddy. I’ll look forward to working with you again, Gideon!”

As Stan left with a big smile on his face, Gideon merely lets out a sinister smirk.

“Hook, line and sinker,” he whispered.

* * *

“Nice display. Where did ya all get this chalice from?” Jeff asked as he fixed the lights of the Mystery Shack (the fifth short circuit for the month) while staring at the golden chalice on the counter.

As Stan had left to do something and taken Dipper with him, Soos and Wendy were the ones left in charge of the store, with Mabel helping out as Soos was in the backyard cleaning up the leaves. Although not part of his job, Jeff ended up helping Wendy and Mabel clear out the visitors that had swarmed the Mystery Shack this morning.

“Mr Pines loaned it from Gideon Gleeful,” Wendy explained.

“Oh, that guy on the television commercial? I thought he and Mr Pines don’t get along? I mean, Gideon openly insulted him in that commercial.”

“Well, seems like they just became business partners.”

“Huh, interesting change of events.”

“Yeah, but it’s drawing quite a lot of visitors, you know? Except they’re all funny and stuff.”

“You mean like the one with the white shirt? Hey, do you have this T-shirt in my size?” Jeff said as he impersonated one of the more obnoxious female tourists that had came earlier.

“I have something even better! Behold: My butt!” Wendy replied, mimicking Stan.

Jeff and Wendy laughed when Mabel suddenly appeared at the doorway with a dazed look on her face and some kind of candy frothing from her mouth.

“Oh, no! She got into Smile Dip!” Jeff said with horror.

“No! I accidentally chugged cola with Mentos!”

“C’mon, Mabel, you got to be careful with what food you mix in your mouth…”

“Hey, look who’s coming into the Shack.”

Mabel pointed at the security feed where Robbie can be seen entering the Mystery Shack.

“Hey, is this the finger-less glove store? I like things that are dumb. I'm Robbie,” Mabel said, mimicking Robbie this time.

“C'mon man...” Jeff commented as he let out a sigh of disgust.

“Ha ha ha ha ha. Laugh it up, chief,” Robbie retorted.

Jeff immediately turned away, fighting off the urge to throw the spanner he had in his hand at Robbie’s face. Mabel decided to step to one side while Wendy had an annoyed look on her face as she folded her arms and glared at her boyfriend.

“So Wendy, Nate and his girlfriend are going to Lookout Point this weekend. Maybe we should go too?”

“Seriously? Are you kidding me?”

“What did I do?”

“First you stand me up several times, then you start picking fights with Jeff who just wants to be left alone, lied about him and got us quarrelling with each other, and tagged my dad’s truck for no reason! And you stood me up once again when I asked if you wanted to go to the Mansion of Telepathy. And instead of apologizing or explaining why, you just walked in here and ask me if I want me to go to Lookout Point, as if nothing happened?”

“I'll just be... over here...” Jeff said as he backed out of the room to the "Employees Only" door, pulling Mabel with him inside and shutting the door before the two eavesdrops on their conversation from there.

“Look, Robbie... I'm not sure this relationship's working. Maybe I should start going out with someone else, maybe someone who actually watches out for me, you know?”

“Okay, that’s bad…” Jeff whispered.

“Bad? That’s good for you, Jeff!” Mabel replied.

“Whoa, hey! Before you do anything crazy, I- I uh... I want you to hear this! I hope this works...” Robbie said, with Jeff and Candy watching from the crack in the doorway as he reached into his pocket and pulls out a CD.

Holding the CD close to his face, Robbie smirked and places it into a player.

“I wrote this song just for you...”

**_When I think about you_ **

**_I feel feelings so deep/_ **

**_I'm tossing and turning_ **

**_And you know I'm losing sleep_ **

**_And I know I'm going crazy_ **

**_When I look into your eyes_ **

**_Just listen to this song_ **

**_And you'll be hypnotai-ai-ai-zed_ **

As Robbie sings the final words of the song, Wendy suddenly looked a bit dazed as her eyes go wide.

“Y'know, maybe I was being a little hasty. I'll give you another chance,” Wendy said before kissing Robbie on the cheek much to Mabel's shock (Jeff remains nonchalant).

“Yes, alright!”

“Let me go grab my coat.”

“Alright Robbie, I saw that weird CD. What the heck are you up to?” Mabel demanded as she emerged from the room once Wendy had left.

“It's called romance, kid. Something you'd never understand.”

“Ignore the kid, she’s too young and have a hyperactive imagination. Mabel, just go upstairs, all right?”

Jeff quickly ushers Mabel up the stairs and resumed fixing the lights, leaving Robbie confused since the latter had secretly been hoping to make Jeff jealous.

“You ready? I can't believe you wrote that for me,” Wendy said as she returned with her jacket.

“I know, I'm just so insanely talented.”

“Bye Jeff. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye Wendy. You two have fun…” Jeff called out as Robbie and Wendy left.

Once Wendy’s back was turned, Robbie could not help but give Jeff a smirk as he flashed a rude sign at his (on his own side) rival, but Jeff did not realize it since he was too focused on his job. Still, as Robbie’s van left the Mystery Shack’s front yard, Jeff could not help but feel empty inside, like as though he should have said something.

“Hm… This is suspicious…”

Jeff turned to see Mabel holding the CD player Robbie had left behind. She pulled out the CD Robbie had placed inside, inspects it all over before sniffing and finally licking it.

“Mabel, what the bleeding flock are you doing?” Jeff asked in a disgusted tone.

* * *

“ ** _Stockin' meat for the apocalypse, doodly-doo. We're all gonna die,_** ” Stan sang as he stuffed a pack of steak into the fridge, having gone meat shopping with Dipper (who was now hiding in his room shivering for some reason) when Mabel walked in, still staring at Robbie’s CD as she paced all over the kitchen.

“Woah, what's with the pacing, kid? You look even more freaked out than your brother today.”

“Um, I dunno, Grunkle Stan... I mean, you wouldn't understand.”

“Aw, c'mon kid. Try me,” Stan retorted as he pulled a chair over and sat Mabel down on it.

“Ok. This is gonna sound weird. See, we all know that Jeff and Wendy’s starting to set sparks in each other’s eyes, but Jeff keeps playing nice and refusing to get between her and Robbie and it’s clear he’s hurting but he won’t admit it. But just now, Wendy was on the verge of leaving Robbie, and I thought Jeff might actually get his chance this time, when Robbie played some weird song on this CD and suddenly they’re back together. I think Robbie might be brainwashing Wendy with music.”

Stan’s face suddenly got serious.

“Did you tell Jeff about this?”

“Yeah! But he just brushed it off, said Wendy just likes Robbie ‘cause some girls tend to be smitten by those with musical talents.”

“I've seen this before.”

“Really?”

“Her name was Carla McCorkle. Carla "Hotpants" McCorkle. Me and Carla baby would cut a rug together at The Juke Joint, our favorite 50's themed, 1970's diner. Then one day, this new age tree hugger starts playing this transcendental hippie music. Carla's hotpants turned into bellbottoms before I even knew what happened. My memories get a little hallucination-y at the end, but you get the gist.”

“So, wait... you actually believe my theory?”

“You're darn right I do. And we're gonna get to the bottom of it.”

“Thanks, Grunkle Stan! You’re the best!”

* * *

“Alright, it took all day but I converted it to a record. And now we can slow it down to see if the mind control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown.”

Having spent the entire day messing around with the CD, Mabel finally had a record ready to be played as Stan sat beside her with a can of Pitt Soda.

“Spit-take here I come.”

The record plays and Mabel slows it down, a second recorder at the ready to record any hidden messages in the song.

**_When I think about you/I feel feelings so deep/I'm tossing and turning/And you know I'm losing sleep And I know I'm going crazy/When I look into your eyes/Just listen to this song/And you'll be hypnotai-ai-ai-zed_ **

“Hm... that's not spit worthy. What gives?” Stan commented.

“What? Is that it?”

Mabel alters the speed of the song but still yielded no results.

“Ugh! This was so stupid! Course there's no hidden mind control messages! Jeff was right. Wendy just likes the song. She just likes Robbie,” she muttered.

All of a sudden, Wendy and Robbie entered.

“Hey, Mabel. Forgot my keys,” Wendy greeted as she went over to the counter to find her keys.

“What's up, junior. What are you doing? Trying to come up with an equation to make boys like you?”

Mabel silently fumed at Robbie’s taunt as he laughed while Stan merely stared at him with a grouchy face before Wendy returned, having found her keys.

“Ready to go to Lookout Point?”

“Am I! Later, dorks. Catch ya on the rewind. I made that up.”

Robbie and Wendy leave as the former let out a chuckle.

“I'll rewind your face!” Stan growled as he shook his fist at an oblivious Robbie from the window before taking another draught of Pitt Soda.

“Wait a minute. Grunkle Stan, rewind!”

Manually turning the record at rewind, Mabel and Stan finally heard another message as the song was being played backwards

**_You are under my control. Your mind is mine._ **

A shocked Stan spits soda out, nearly hitting Mabel with it.

“Holy mackerel! Now there's your spit-take!”

“Ha ha! I knew it! It's mind control after all! Wait… Oh no, We've got to save Wendy!”

Stan jumped up to his feet with a big grin on his face.

“Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face. Let's roll!”

Stan and Mabel left the Mystery Shack. Shortly after, Dipper and Soos entered the shop to find no one there

“Huh, where did everybody go?” Dipper asked.

“Huh, guess we’re the ones in charge tonight. Tutu doo.”

“Yeah, I guess. Still, I can’t believe how Grunkle Stan selects meat. Gosh, I’m still having awful flashbacks from that trip.”

“Aw, you saw Mr Pines’ secret meat selection technique, did you?”

The doorbell rang. Dipper opened it to find Candy Chiu standing outside.

“Hey, Dipper. Say, is my cousin in here?”

“Jeff? Nah, I didn’t see him the whole day.”

“Well, I actually wanted to talk to him about the… Ah, nevermind. Hey, where did your Grunkle get that chalice from?”

Candy’s eyes were drawn to the golden chalice Stan had loaned from Gideon.

“Yeah, it supposedly holds some ghost inside, but so far, it’s been standing there the whole day without anything happening.”

“Cool. So, what did Mr Pines market it as?”

“As it is, with recorded sound effects hidden underneath its display case,” Dipper replied as he lifted up the tablecloth to show Candy the recorder taped under it.

“Well, wee, look at this, little dude. I see something scratched on the shiny gold cup,” Soos said as he pointed at one side of the chalice.

“What does it say?” Dipper asked.

Adjusting her glasses, Candy began reading what was engraved on the side of the chalice:

**_Tcafitra yrev siht gnisu yawa reh delaes rehcaet a litnu_ **

**_Yoj setaerc taht lla detah ehs rof nerdlihc ezirorret ehs_ **

**_Gah ypmurg dlo na deid ehs taht rethgual dna nuf fo devirped os_ **

**_Namow a fo tsohg eht dloh ot detaerc saw ecilahc siht_ **

The chalice suddenly began shaking violently as an eerie green light burst forth from the chalice, and to the horror of the three, what was floating in front of them was a ghostly nun with a skull-like face.

“At last, I am free! Free at last!” the ghastly nun shrieked as she soared about the Mystery Shack, with strong waves of energy flowing out of her causing a wind-like phenomenom while Dipper, Soos and Candy cowered behind the couch.

“Candy, what did you do?” Dipper asked.

“All I did was read the inscription on the chalice!”

 “Ah ha ha ha ha! I am Sister Hilda, the Spirit of Seriousness! I am the spirit of seriousness! I hate anything fun: carbonated beverages, boys and girls holding hands at school dances, and most of all, I hate treasure hunts! Also, knuckles! And what is this place I have been released? A den of toys and sweets? Outrageous! Who owns this establishment?”

The ghost nun summons a spectral ruler from her hands and began hitting whatever was nearest to her.

“What do we do now? She’s tearing up the place!” Dipper said.

“Oh, Mr Pines is going to kill us when he comes back,” Soos commented while a tablelamp floated past them.

“Grunkle Stan is going to find us dead when he comes back if this keeps up!”

“Ah ha ha ha ha! I found you, miserable little children, and a manchild to add to the equation! Time for a knuckle rapping!”

The ghost nun that calls herself Sister Hilda was quick. Before Soos could react, Sister Hilda had struck his knuckles a few times.

“Ouch! Ouch! Stop that! That hurts!”

Sister Hilda then pokes Soos in the belly with her ruler, causing him to tumble into an open closet which she then slammed the door shut on.

“Soos!” Dipper and Candy yelled, but then Sister Hilda’s attention switched to them.

The two screamed, grabbed the chalice and escaped into the living room.

* * *

“Okay, how is it that I end up taking Robbie’s place with you guys?” Jeff asked as he, Nate, Lee and Thompson shook their spray cans while facing a Porsche.

“Well, Robbie’s been busy with his band and, you know, Wendy?” Lee replied.

“Uh huh… Heard he’s got a lot to make up for…”

“Yeah, but he got angry when he found out you were with her at the Freddy Fazbear’s two nights ago and pretty much started talking nasty things about your people.”

“Oh, which one? Cherokee, Chinese or Korean?”

“All three of them? Kind of crossed the line there, so we ditched him. Besides, you’re more open-minded and socially adept than him,” Nate casually commented.

“Yeah. I mean, you don’t talk a lot, but at least you keep the conversation balanced. Robbie just talks about himself, his band and his van. And some not-so-nice stuff about his relationship with Wendy. Of course, we can’t just intervene and break ‘em up. It’s, like, going against the Bro Code, man,” Lee added.

“Wait, what? You want them both to split?”

“Look, we may be friends with them both but we’re not blind. Robbie wants Wendy for bragging rights ‘cause she’s the hardest girl to maintain a relationship with. And a lot of bad luck when it comes down to dating. Nate’s the only one who had a friendly separation with her,” Thompson explained.

“Still didn’t stop me from shedding a few tears.”

“A few buckets, more likely.”

“You take that back!”

As Nate and Lee get into a fake fight which mostly involves slapping each other’s shoulders and rear, Jeff sighed. It was going to be awkward and difficult if he and Robbie meet each other on the streets. He made a mental note to start carrying his pipe wrench around more often.

“Hey, come to think of it, you guys sure about this?” Thompson asked suddenly.

“About what?”

“Spraying this Porsche? I mean, it’s Blubs…”

The chief clearly wants everyone to know that the Porsche was his, considering the large sticker saying “D.E.Durland” pasted on the hood of the car.

“So, who wants to start first?” Lee asked.

“Hey, what time is it?” Jeff suddenly asked.

“Eight o’clock, why?”

“Nate, aren’t you supposed to be at Lookout Point with your girlfriend later? I heard Robbie mentioning it.”

“What is he talking about, man? My girl’s outta town this whole week, won’t be back ‘till next Tuesday,” Nate replied in confusion.

Jeff’s expression suddenly turned frantic. Tossing the spray can to Thompson, he jumped onto his scooter.

“Jeff, what’s wrong?”

“Emergency! I’ll explain everything to you guys when we meet again!”

With that, Jeff sped off to Lookout Point, leaving the other three youths behind.

“Wow, something Robbie said must have spooked him,” Thompson said.

“Yeah… So, as I was asking earlier, who wants to go first?”

* * *

"So, where is Nate? I mean, you said he would be here," Wendy asked as Robbie parked his van at the so-called lover's spot of Lookout Point.

“Huh, weird, Nate didn't show up. So I- I guess it's just you and me. This isn't what I was planning at all.”

As Wendy started to feel uneasy, Stan’s car suddenly appeared driving up the cliff edge, coming to a halt right beside Robbie’s van. Mabel kicked the door open and ran out while Stan fell out instead.

“Wendy!? Stop! Robbie's been lying to you!” Mabel shouted to Wendy.

“Mabel?”

“Kid? Mr Pines?” Robbie asked.

“That's Mr Pines to you!” Stan replied with a growl.

“What? That's what I just said...”

The sound of another vehicle is heard. This time, Jeff appeared on his scooter, having clearly been in a rush since he had forgotten to put on his helmet.

“I knew it! I knew it! When I saw you and Mr Pines following Robbie’s van, I knew something’s about to happened!”

“Jeff! Please! Trust me! Robbie’s up to no good with Wendy!”

“I know! And I want answers, Robert Stacey Valentino! You lied about Nate being up here, why?”

“Let me just... close the window,” Robbie said as he started to wind up the window when Jeff suddenly saw red and slammed his hand down on it, surprisingly having the strength to keep the window from winding up.

“Holy cow, Jeff! What’s gotten into you?” Wendy asked, shocked by Jeff’s sudden bout of anger.

“I was with Nate a few minutes ago, his girlfriend’s out of town and won’t be back until next week, which means it’s not possible for them both to be up here tonight. So start talking, because I’m packing extra heat today, you hoodie bitch,” the mechanic replied as he pulled up his hoodie to reveal his set of repair tools already strapped to his belt, ready to serve another purpose instead of fixing stuff.

Mabel gasped.

"Jeff used a swear word!" she exclaimed.

"About time he did so! That's what they call 'never poke a sleeping dragon too hard' or something like that," Stan said.

“Robbie, what is the meaning of this?”

Wendy was now glaring daggers into Robbie, who seemed to have shrunken a few inches.

“Baby, I swear, I can explain everything…”

“Look, Wendy, you've got to hear this. Uh... There's a message in there. I swear! Here!”

Mabel played the song Robbie had played for Wendy before rewinding it backwards so that everyone can hear the hidden message in it.

**_You are under my control. Your mind is mine._ **

Wendy gasped.

“Robbie, what's that doing in your song?”

“Baby, I promise. I don't know anything about those messages. In fact, I didn't even write that song. I ripped it off some other band! So, we're all good, right?”

“Congrats, kid, you just dug your own grave,” Stan commented.

“No, we're not all good! I don't care about the messages. You said you wrote that song for me, and I actually thought it was sweet, you big liar.”

Robbie  I know, I know. I lie about a lot of stuff. Like using your makeup and fighting a bear, although--

“No! You’ve never been honest with me! All this while I knew you were responsible for some of the things happening to Jeff and he also knew, but because he kept silent and tried to keep your relationship with me going despite it all, I decided to play along and kept giving you chance after chance, but you never showed him a single shred of gratitude!”

“Okay, maybe I pushed this rivalry thingy a bit too far, but you know what? I can makes things right, just…”

“You know what? You’ve done enough. It's over, Robbie. We're through!”

One could see Robbie’s heart shattering in his eyes when those words came out from Wendy’s lips.

“Yes!” Stan and Mabel cheered.

“What?! Wendy! Wait, I can explain…”

“Goodbye. Don’t come looking for me again, and I find out you’re harassing Jeff again… You’ll regret it,” Wendy said to Robbie with a cold tone as she got out and slammed the van door behind her.

“I can’t flippin’ believe this…” Jeff muttered under his breath.

“Jeffrey,” Wendy suddenly called out to Jeff using his full name.

Jeff gulped. He knew his passiveness was one of the factors leading to this and he had to share the blame but then…

“I want to go home.”

“Oh, er… Okay, I’ll give you a hitch…”

“Alright, kid, we won!” Stan said as he and Mabel high-five each other as Wendy rode off with Jeff while Robbie slammed his head against the steering wheel in defeat.

“Oh, man…”

“That’s considered light punishment for the three weeks of torment you put Jeff through, Robbie!” Mabel declared as she stood glaring at Robbie with her hands on her side, although her attempt at looking intimidating was more akin to an angry hamster.

“Why did you have to ruin things for me?” Robbie complained.

“Because you know nothing about romance. It’s a two-way thing, but you only wanted things your way.”

“Look, kid, I hate your guts, I’ll be honest about it, but thing is, if you wanted to keep Wendy, you should have been a bit more considerate of her feelings. If you’re just gonna have her around for bragging rights, she’s better off without you, trust me.”

With that, Stan and Mabel got back into Stan’s car and left, leaving Robbie alone in his van to reflect on very mistake he had made…

* * *

“Come out, come out, wherever you are, children…” Sister Hilda said in a mocking tone as she hunted the Mystery Shack for Dipper and Candy, whom were at the moment hiding near the fireplace.

“I can’t believe there really is a ghost in the chalice,” Candy said.

“This is Gravity Falls, Oregon. Anything can happen,” Dipper replied.

“Yeah, but it’s much scarier here than Eerie, Indiana…”

“What do we do? There must be some way to reseal her.”

“Found you!”

The kids screamed in horror as Sister Hilda swung her ghostly ruler at their heads, missing by a few inches as the two scrambled to get out of the living room, returning back into the gift shop.

“We got to get out of here!” Dipper said as he guided Candy to the door, only to find that the door would not budge despite not being locked.

“No one shall escape my crusade against fun!” Sister Hilda declared as she slowly approached them with a wild and evil look on her face.

“Oh, no!” the two cried out.

“Oh, yes! So, which one of you wants to have the fun beaten out of them? The girl with the glasses who looked more studious than I expected, or the boy with the pine tree cap?”

All of a sudden, the theme of ‘Ghostbusters (1984)’ begins to play, causing Dipper, Candy and the ghost of Sister Hilda to look up in confusion.

The closet door is suddenly kicked open, and out stepped Soos, this time wearing a jumpsuit and carrying a vacuum cleaner in his hands with a determined look on his face.

“Soos! You’re okay!” Dipper exclaimed.

“No worries, dudes! Soos is about to get serious!”

“Serious?” Sister Hilda asked in confusion.

“Oh, it’s vacuum season, ghostly woman.”

Soos switched on the vacuum cleaner which immediately began sucking Sister Hilda into it.

“No! One of my two weaknesses! A creative solution! You’ll never hold me forever! I’ll be back! You haven’t seen the last of me!” Sister Hilda screamed as she is pulled into the vacuum.

“Well, what to you know? It’s as easy as eatin’ a chick’n nugget,” Soos commented as Sister Hilda struggled inside the vacuum bag.

“Okay, we got her trapped, but I guess is this is just a temporary solution. We got to find a way to put her back into the chalice.”

“Hey, Dipper, look under the chalice,” Candy said as she pointed at the base of the chalice.

“What is it? Oh, a note?”

Pasred right under the base of the chalice was a note that said the following message:

_In case of escape, read incantation in the order from last word to first to reseal_

“Read the incantation in a reversed order? It was that easy? What a lazy spell, I swore I’ve seen better written deus ex machina in other stories,” Candy commented.

“Maybe the writer got tired and wanted to rush things,” Soos suggested.

“All right, it’s worth a shot anyways. Soos, hold the bag,” Dipper said.

As Soos held on to the squirming vacuum bag, Dipper followed the instructions on the note and began chanting.

**_Siht ecilahc saw detaerc ot dloh eht tsohg fo a namow_ **

**_Os devirped fo nuf dna rethgual that ehs deid na dlo ypmurg gah_ **

**_Ehs ezirorret nerdlihc rof ehs detah lla that setaerc yoj_ **

**_Litnu a rehcaet delaes reh yawa gnisu siht yrev tcafitra_ **

Red light burst forth from the chalice as the ghost of Sister Hilda is forcefully dragged out of the vacuum bag by unseen forces screaming for her (un)life which then pulled her into the chalice.

“I’ll never forgive you all! Mark my words! I’ll have my reve-!”

With a poof and a cloud of white smoke, the ghost nun had been trapped in the chalice once again.

“Woah, those were some fireworks,” Soos commented.

“We did it! We actually resealed her back into the chalice!” Dipper commented.

“And we’re back from a victo- What the flippn’ hedgehog happened to my gift shop?!”

The three turned to see Stan staring in shock at the wreckage of the gift shop, the results of Sister Hilda’s rampage.

“Don’t you worry boss, everything will be set back to order by tomorrow morn’, I promise,” Soos quickly said.

“It better be. Oh, by the way, Dipper, Wendy jusrt broke up with Robbie, so I’ve decided to giveher a day off tomorrow to get over it. Hi Candy,” Stan said before entering the living room.

“We exposed Robbie for who he is, brother! And we actually got to see Jeff lose his temper for once!”

“Cool! Wendy’s now out of the grasp of that slick jerk! But Jeff-”

“He’s taking her home! I guess our mission to patch Wendy with Jeff was a success after all!”

“Speaking of Jeff, where is my cousin?”

“Oh, hi Candy, I didn’t see you, sorry! Jeff’s not here.”

“You know, you seem kind of eager to talk to him, why is that?”

Candy nervously looked around.

“Can we talk in a more private place? It’s about the Mansion Of Telepathy…”

* * *

“Stop here for a moment?” Wendy asked as they approached Gravity Falls Lake.

Jeff brought the scooter to a halt, still worried over Wendy’s current mood. She haven’t said anything since they left Lookout Point, and Jeff has never been in such a situation before, so he was getting rather nervous about saying the wrong thing to her.

Getting off the scooter, Wendy went over to the bench where she and Jeff had been discussing about her relationship with Robbie just the previous week, sitting down on it with a crestfallen look on her face. Parking his scooter at the lot, Jeff went over and silently sat down beside her.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Jeff finally spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologizing?”

“I knew this was going to happen… I didn’t want to meddle with your life, butt in on your relationship with Robbie since it was not appropriate, but had I interfered, maybe all this would not had happened.”

“Then why did you keep quiet?”

Here it comes. All the anger Wendy had been keeping inside her was now coming out, and Jeff was the unlucky recipient as Wendy started beating on him while tears streamed down her eyes.

“What’s wrong with you boys? Why is it that half of you only think about yourselves and have no idea how to treat a girl, and the other half that knows how to care are so scared of girls? Why didn’t you just butt in? Why did you keep quiet about Robbie messing around with you? If you said something or just meddled in it, you… You over-passive… Over-tolerant… You’re just too nice and kind-hearted, you damned Gary Stu!”

By now, the lumberjill had pressed her face into Jeff’s shoulder, now sobbing as her arms wrapped around his neck. Unsure of what to do, Jeff awkwardly hugged her back as he tried to come up with something to console her.

“Wendy, stop it… You’re embarrassing yourself… Argh, I don’t know the right thing to say to you right now! Just, just stop crying… I know it hurts, just not how much it hurts, but I know it hurts, but you’re strong, right? You can bounce back…”

“Why do I have so much bad luck when it comes to boys?” Wendy whispered between sobs.

Jeff was silent for a while. There was one single message in his mind right now, a message he was supposed to say to Wendy. It was stupid, opportunistic and outright ripped off from a cliché South Korean television drama, but something inside his heart was starting to overwhelm his mind. Before he could stop himself, the words came out by themselves.

“You… You still got me.”

Jeff felt Wendy’s head lift up from his shoulders slightly

“I know, this sounds stupid, but if you really need to talk, I’m here. I know we’ve barely known each other for more than two months only, but if you need a shoulder to lean on, or someone who’s got time to listen to your problems, I’m here for you, all right?” the mechanic continued, no longer able to control the words coming out of his mouth.

At this point, he felt Wendy’s arms tightening around his neck as she buried her face in his shoulder once more.

“Jeff… Thanks…” she whispered as the moon slowly emerged from the clouds.

In reality, the two could never bring themselves to admit their growing feelings for each other despite having only met recently, and neither did they know that the same thought was going through the minds of each other. But perhaps one day, they might find themselves in a situation where they could finally be honest with each other, and probably be surprised with each other’s answer.

Meanwhile, from the trees, the raven that had spied on them a few days ago was now perched on a branch, silently watching the two…

* * *

* * *

“There’s a cult moving about in Gravity Falls?” Dipper asked as Candy told him and Mabel what she had been seeing in town lately.

“Yes, they mostly hang about at the Museum, which is near my house, so I can see them. It’s not that difficult to observe them since they can’t see my room from where they are.”

“Red robed cultists, a symbol of an evil-looking eye, sounds serious,” Mabel commented.

“There’s one more thing you should know. That Mansion of Telepathy? I swore it was never there a few days ago.”

“What do you mean?”

“The mansion itself! It was supposed to be some forgotten ruins! It’s almost as though that mansion just up and repaired itself overnight and this Gideon just moved in and took over…”

The twins looked at each other with confused expressions.

“You know what, Dipper, something smells fishy about that mansion all of a sudden,” Mabel said.

“Yeah… And considering that Gideon gave Grunkle Stan a chalice with a dangerous ghost in it, I’m starting to wonder…”

* * *

 

**_Today’s Cipher: [ VPUYR GUR EK VYSKBJLBL]_ **


	6. National Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Based on "Irrational Treasure" and portions of "The Time Traveler's Pig")
> 
> Jeff and Wendy are lured into an unofficial date with each other thanks to Wendy’s clique, while Dipper and Mabel literally stumbles into one of Gravity Falls’ holidays, Pioneer Day. As Jeff and Wendy slowly find themselves bonding during the event, an insult from the heiress to the town’s richest family leads Dipper and Mabel to discovering a long lost secret...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to previous Cipher: PIGGY AND MR PRESIDENT  
> Cipher used: VIGENERE, passphrase: Ghost
> 
> On a side note: I tend to imagine Jeff's normal voice sounding like Dan Southworth (the voice of Devil May Cry's Vergil and Power Rangers Time Force's Quantum Ranger). If you guys have a better suggestion, I’m all ears.

“Grunkle Stan, are we there yet?” Dipper asked as he and Mabel ate nachos inside Stan's car.

“Soon, my boy, soon. Just need to get past all these cars!” Stan replied as he honked several times.

“Ha ha, look, Dipper, nacho earrings!” Mabel said as she showed off her ‘new ear jewellery’.

It took some convincing from Dipper and Soos to finally get Stan to return the chalice with the ghost inside to Gideon after what happened previously. Stan was noticeably upset, but so was Gideon, who looked disappointed that Stan was returning it so fast. Meanwhile, what Candy told Dipper and Mabel that night regarding Gideon’s mansion was still in their memories, but they have yet to tell anyone else about it.

“Aw, come on, what's with all this traffic? And why is it all...covered wagons? Oh no! No! No!”

Stan stomps down on the gas pedal as a look of fear appeared on his face.

“Not today! Not today!”

After nearly running over a few women in front of him, Stan quickly begins backing up his car, now driving like a madman while the twins began to fear for their lives.

“Grunkle Stan, what's going on?” they asked.

“We gotta get outta here. Before it's too late!”

By now, the twins were already noticing the pioneer-era wagons around them as Stan starts turning all over the place while still driving backwards, until finally…

“They've circled the wagons! We're trapped! No! Noooo!” Stan called out in despair as his car is finally boxed in by the wagons.

Meanwhile, Mabel popped her head out of the window and finds herself staring at an actual cow walking past Stan’s car.

“I've gotta good feeling about today.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

It had been five days since Wendy had broken up with Robbie due to the latter’s constant lies and malice towards Jeff. Jeff had found himself in a difficult position the night it happened, with Wendy ranting out her problems to him and finally breaking down in his arms, an act that still caused him to shudder when he think about it. He would have expected his friend to lock herself in her home for a few days to get over the grief.

He had not been expecting her to show up in front of him.

_ Last night… _

_“Hey, Jeff! What’s up dude!”_

_“Nate, how did you, never mind, Wendy must hve given my numer to all of you. So what’s up?” Jeff asked as he laid on his bed with his phone to his ear while Butterpaws laid down beside him._

_“Yeah, like, er… How do we put it? Tambry, you do it.”_

_The sound of some minor dispute over who should talk to Jeff could be heard before Tambry’s voice started coming in through the phone._

_“Listen, Jeff, big event tomorrow, Pioneer Day. You need to come with us and take a look since you’ve just moved in to town. We’re meeting up at Crook’s Bend, the road behind the mayor’s office leading to the big field, the forest and Gravity Falls’ second graveyard? Be there by morning.”_

_“Er, okay, since I got nothing to do tomorrow anyways…”_

_ Back to present day… _

And so Jeff arrived at Crook’s Bend, not even suspecting anything. It was not even five minutes when Wendy showed up, and she was just as surprised to see Jeff as he was to see her.

“So, er, what sort of coincidence is this?”

“I dunno. I was expecting Tambry, not you.”

“Wait, did she call you regarding Pioneer Day or something like that?”

“Uh huh. Said something about cheering me up by going to Pioneer Day event together. Wait, did she say something similar to you?”

“Nate called, Tambry spoke. Said they wanted me to show up sicne I just moved into town and that I should experience this event.”

Silence for five seconds between the two, then the realization hit them at the same time.

“She tricked us!” Jeff and Wendy said together.

“Urgh, Tambry! What was she thinking?” Wendy growled.

“D-d-don’t look at me, I h-h-have no idea what is going on myself!” Jeff quickly said as he backed away.

“Well, you know what, since we’re here already, might as well play along,” Wendy said with a sigh before she grabbed Jeff’s hand in hers and began leading him to the fair where Pioneer Day was taking place.

“What, Wendy, wait! This…”

“Hey, one should appreciate what they get for free, right? C’mon, we should at least try to enjoy ourselves.”

Seeing the smile on Wendy’s face caught Jeff off-guard, and he ended up letting himself be pulled around by her. As the two made their way to the fair, Nate, Lee, Thompson and Tambry emerged from the bushes with a camera and a pair of binoculars.

“Aw right, dudes! Operation JW was a success!” Nate declared as they exchanged high-fives with each other.

* * *

The twins and Stan get out of the car and walk around an old fashioned-looking Main Street.

“Man. Look at the town,” Dipper commented as he held up a post card up for a second.

When he lowers it, the scenery was completely a sepia shade, although it is quickly revealed to be the work of a pane of dirty glass in front of Dipper.

“Dirty glass. We got dirty glass! Dirty glass,” the workers holding it shouted as they walked past the Pines.

“Ah, kids, it's Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded,” Stan explained, unable to hide the disgust in his voice.

“Welcome to 1863!” the local reporter Toby Determined greeted as he approached them.

“I WILL BREAK YOU, LITTLE MAN!” Stan snarled loudly, causing Toby to let out a squeal of horror and run away, only to crashing into a barrel and nearly knocking himself out in the process.

“Wow! Look! Candle dipping!” Mabel said as she pointed at people doing candle dipping.

“Whoa, gold panning!” Dipper said as he watched a number of older men, including Old Man McGucket, doing gold panning at an artificial river.

“Wow, a wedding! Wait, what?”

Looking at where Mabel was pointing, Dipper and Stan found themselves staring at something completely out of the ordinary, one that puts the gnomes and the ghosts Dipper had encountered to shame.

A priest was standing in front of a man and a woodpecker going, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

The man says “I do!” while the woodpecker pecks his hand.

“Is this even possible?” Mabel asked.

“Oh yeah. I remember this. The journal did mention that in Gravity Falls, it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers,” Dipper replied as he took out Journal #3 and flipped to the exact page.

“Oh, it's still legal. Very legal,” the newlywed man said, having overheard the twins’ conversation, as he put a hand on his shoulder where the woodpecker was still perched.

“Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!” an announcer declared over the PA system.

“Grunkle Stan, you coming?” Mabel asked.

“No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me.”

Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and grinned.

“There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!”

“Well hornswabber my haversack!”

The twins then spit on ground before running off while laughing.

“Dead to me!” Grunkle Stan declared before turning away.

As Dipper and Mabel entered the crowd gathering at the big stage set in the middle of the fair, the announcer tapped the microphone a few times.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you all, Pacifica Northwest!”

A blonde-haired girl around Dipper and Mabel’s age appeared on the stage, wearing clothing of mostly purple shadings. Judging from the reaction of the crowd, this girl was not only well-known, but also adored by them, yet Dipper felt that something about her was off.

“Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich. Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you come on up and introduce yourself.”

“Audience participation!” Mabel said with a gasp.

“I don't know, Mabel. I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dipper said, but Mabel simply laughs and runs onstage.

“Oh, our first newcomer! So, how about you introduce yourself?” the girl, Pacifica, asked.

“Yeah! I’m Mabel! Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!” Mabel called out via the microphone while doing some silly movements.

“USA! USA!” the crowd cheered enthusiastically.

“I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous. I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?” Pacifica suddenly asked while pointing at Mabel’s sweater.

“Hey, I can be serious!”

“You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon.”

Mabel touches her nacho earrings and blushes before quickly pulling them off.

“Haha, wow, I'm embarrassed for you. Give her a hand everybody!”

As the crowd clapped, Dipper felt rage building up inside of him. How could this girl, whom he and Mabel don’t even know, just outright humiliate his sister in front of public?

“Now who wants to hear more about me? Everyone say Northwest! We're perfect,” Pacifica continued.

Pacifica is joined by a couple, presumably her parents, on stage as they lined up for a photo while the crowd cheered her family name.

Meanwhile, Dipper had pulled Mabel away from the crowd.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked his sister.

“I need some old-timey butterscotch. Dipper, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?”

“Uh, no?”

“I knew it! The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke.”

“C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!” Dipper protested as Mabel took off her sweater and tied it around her waist.

“I did before this Pacifica girl ruined it for me!

“Urgh, that blonde girl, Pacifica, is it because she thinks that being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage? She was just looking for someone to make fun off so she can look better. Someone needs to take her down a peg.”

Dipper suddenly stopped talking, his eyes widening.

“Wait a minute! I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before. The author of this journal stated that he had discovered evidence that suggests that Nathaniel Northwest was not the true founder of the town.”

Dipper pulls out Journal #3 and began flipping through the pages.

“Look, right here!”

_In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is hidden somewhere on this enclosed document. If only I could crack the code._

A sealed document was attached to the page. Dipper and Mabel opened the document to reveal a complex series of letters, symbols and words.

“Oh, man! If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!” Dipper said.

“Really?”

“I got to investigate this!”

“Wait! I'm coming with you. Conspiracies are serious, right?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

“Well, if I help you crack this code, then nobody could call me silly again!”

“Yeah! Mystery twins?”

“When did you come up with that?”

“I dunno, just popped into my mind all of a sudden.”

Mabel grinned, fist-bump her brother and the two ran off into the woods.

* * *

“This is a rather nice fair… Not only is history being celebrated here, you even got those classic funfair games here,” Jeff commented as he and Wendy walked through the fair.

“Yeah, but you won’t catch me dressed like the eighteenth century,” Wendy replied.

“The dress bet is still on, you know?”

“Ho ho, dude, I told you, that will be the easiest ten bucks I’ll ever earn.”

The two walked over to a dunking booth which had a signboard that says “Dunk the Sheriff”, and Police Chief Blubs was sitting there waiting to be dunked.

“How do you do, Chief Blubs?” Wendy called out.

“It’s Chief Durland to you, GIRL. But yeah, I’ve been waiting for some hawk-eye to drop in into this bucket o’ water.”

“Jeff, do your jackpot shot,” Wendy said.

“Sure, why not?”

“A fine day to you young couple, three bucks for five shots to dunk the sheriff. You may choose any ammunition from the cabinets in front of me,” the booth operator said.

“So, do we go for Cabinet A3 or Cabinet B2?” Wendy asked as she pointed at the particular cabinets which had baseballs and oranges in them respectively.

“Nah, I’ll get him with a single shot,” Jeff replied as he takes an orange out of Cabinet B2.

“Ha ha, boy’s got a lotta confidence, claiming to take me out in one shot- What the BLURGGHHH!!!!”

“Jackpot!” Jeff and Wendy said as they fist-bumped, with Jeff’s orange smacking the target hard enough that the orange obliterated itself while sending Blubs into the water.

“Congratulations, kids! Here is the first prize, a stuffed creature of indeterminate species!”

“Wow, Jeff, look! A duck panda!” Wendy exclaimed as she showed Jeff the new stuffed toy he had just won for her.

“Glad you like it,” Jeff replied as he and Wendy moved on to see the rest of the fair.

“You know, me going out with you to the fair was really something I did not expect, especially since it turned out to be some kooky plot by my friends, but thanks for tagging along.”

“Er, well, you practically dragged me along, so, er, well, you don’t really have to thank me, I guess.”

“I still have to. I mean, I put you in a spot five nights ago at the lake when me and Robbie finally split and you, well, you managed to put up with me and all…” Wendy replied as her face began to flush a faint red.

“You holding up okay?”

“I’ll admit, of all the break-ups I had, this one with Robbie was the worst. You know what he did yesterday morning?”

“Humour me.”

_ Last night… _

_“Take me back, Wendy! My arms are too skinny to keep holding this boombox forever! Have you been getting my texts? Do I need to send you more texts? Wendy!”_

_Robbie, somehow carrying a large boombox in his hands attached to a headset with a mike he was wearing, yelled at Wendy from outside her house, his voice being amplified by the boombox._

_The door of the Corduroy Cabin is thrown open, and Manly Dan emerged, cracking his knuckles with a foul look on his face._

_“If it ain’t the chup that broke my daughter’s heart… PREPARE TO BE BROKEN LIKE A LOG STRUCK BY MY AXE!!!!”_

_Robbie shrieked as Manly Dan destroys his boombox with the first punch and scampered away before the latter can throw a second one._

_“RUN WHILE YOU CAN, BOY! I SEE YOU ANYWHERE IN TOWN, I WILL BREAK YOU, LITTLE MAN!!!” Manly Dan roared at an escaping Robbie while shaking both fists at him._

_ Present day… _

“Remind me not to get on your dad’s bad side,” Jeff said as Wendy finished her story.

“Yeah, dude, but my dad seems to like you. I mean, the couple of times he saw us together, he didn’t say anything, which was kind of weird ‘cause he’s often intimidating any guy he sees walking with me, yet he never tries that on you at all.”

“Huh, I guess I got lucky, or maybe he knows we aren’t together or something.”

“Yeah, ha ha, maybe that’s why,” Wendy said with a laugh, “Though I wish we were…” she whispered.

“Huh, did you say something Wendy?”

“Oh, nothing, I just, er, you know Summerween’s coming, right?”

“Uh huh, end of the month, right?”

“Yeah, so… Erm, you know, you want to hang out on that day? I heard Tambry’s planning a party since her parents are out of town that day, so…”

“Well, as long as I don’t have to be stuffed into some stupid costume, yeah, why not? Besides, what’s this Summerween thing?”

“Oh, well, it started after Gravity Falls was founded. The residents liked Halloween so much that they invented Summerween, and it’s become our tradition of sorts…”

* * *

“Back in the olden days, pioneers drew subsistence from telling stories 'round the fire. So let's eat some books, children! Go ahead, eat the books!

With that, Old Man McGucket began chewing a book as the twins entered the library.

“Alright, Mabel, if we can prove Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls, it will finally put Pacifica in her place.”

“And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly. I'm serious.”

“We just need to crack this code,” Dipper said as he placed some slides into a projector.

“Let me see... it's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not, wait-of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!”

“It's so obvious!”

“Alright, let's just light this sucker up and--- Mabel!”

Mabel was now wearing a hat she had folded the document into.

“Mwop! I just made a hat. Ugh, I just did something silly again.”

“Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map! And I was gonna burn it...”

Having followed the map, the twins were now standing in front of the Gravity Falls Museum of History, sneaking past a balloon salesman who was standing outside to enter.

“What are we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's rib cage?” Mabel asked.

“Ewww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right... here!”

The clue they were looking for, a triangular exhibition piece, is mounted on the wall in front of them.

“So what is it anyway?” Dipper asked.

The twins checked out the exhibit until Mabel got bored and sat down on the bench, but then she got even more bored and ended p turning upside-down on it.

“Hey, painting, be less stupid! Huh? Dipper, it worked!” Mabel called out to her brother.

Dipper ran over and lays upside-down on the bench beside his sister, finally seeing the clue.

“It's not abstract, it's upside-down!”

“I think I've seen that statue at the cemetery.”

“Let's go! Quick!”

The two stood up, but then nearly lose their balance as they held their heads to recover from the dizzy spell they were under.

“Ow, head rush.”

* * *

“Urgh, can’t believe I have to walk through this place to find those kids! Where did they even run off to?” Stan muttered as he combed the fair for Dipper and Mabel.

“Woah, what is this? Win-A-Pig? Huh, looks lame,” Stan muttered as he came across a booth run by the local farmer Splott when he heard something.

“Well, lookie over there, that pig must be that Mabel girl’s cousin or something, seeing how they look so alike.”

Turning around, Stan saw Pacifica and her parents pointing at the pig Splott had put up as the prize while laughing. Immediately, his eyes narrowed.

“Okay, I know everyone in this town, and the only person with the name Mabel is my grandniece…”

“Say, how about pork for dinner tonight, my dear?” Pacifica’s father said to his wife.

Stan walked over to the Northwests with a forced fake smile on his face. He knew the Northwests, Preston and Priscilla, and he never liked them at all, but their daughter mocking Mabel was something he cannot forgive, for Stan was a family man and any offense made against his family members was an attack on him.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the local scam artist, Stanford Pines,” Preston greeted as Stan approached.

“Yeah, nice to see you too, Pisston. Sorry if I happen to step in your way, I’m in a rush.”

With that, Stan went over to a corner and waited for the opportunity to strike.

“All right, miss, guess the pig’s weight and it’s yours to do whatever you want,” Splott said as he released a pig from the pen.

“Er… Fifteen pounds?”

“Congratulations, kid, you just earned yourself a pig! Oh, and take this as well,” Splott said as he handed the pig and a recipe to Pacifica.

Meanwhile, Stan continued to observe, having noticed a particularly violent pig among the others which was trying to escape its pen. A nasty idea popped into his head as he lets out a grin…

* * *

Dipper and Mabel found themselves looking at a statue in the cemetary that is pointing off in the distance.

“Ah... The statue must be pointing to the next clue,” Dipper said as Mabel climbed the statue, only to slip and start sliding down it until the statue’s fingers got caught in her nose.

“Oh, gross! She's picking my nose! Ha ha!”

The tip of the statue's finger bent upwards without warning, opening a secret door in the grave.

“Mabel, look!”

“Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica? Bam! Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode. I feel serious.”

Mabel finally frees her nose from the statue’s fingers before returning to the ground and joining her brother as they entered the grave.

“Okay, remember those Tomb Raider games? We got to look out for booby traps,” Dipper said.

“Ha! Booby traps.”

Mabel stepped on a tile that triggers a bunch of darts to fly out of the wall towards her and Dipper, causing her to scream in surprise.

“Tranquilizer darts!” Dipper yelled as he grabbed Mabel's hand and maneuvered through the darts, dodging them all until they slipped and fell down a path that drops them into a hidden room which appeared to be some sort of study.

“Woah, what is this? A treasure trove of historic-y, secret-y things?” Mabel asked as she and Dipper looked around the room.

Seearching through the documents, Dipper finally found what he was looking for: A document with the title “Northwest Cover-up”.

“Hey, jackpot! Now we'll find out who the real town founder was. Well, what do you know, it says here that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot? Oh, bad news for Pacifica. Wait'll the papers hear about this!” Dipper said with a laugh.

“Once people see that I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they can never call me silly!” Mabel added.

"The true founder of Gravity Falls was Sir Lord Quentin Trembley the Third, Esquire."

“Who's Quentin Trembley?”

“It says here that Quentin Trembley was an aide of Martin van Buren, the eighth President of the USA, and had a big influence on the staff, but his eccentricity and inability to differentiate seriousness and silliness caused him to keep giving the President poor advise, which resulted in modern day historians labelling President van Buren as a below-average president. Trembley was kicked out of office after William Henry Harrison succeeded as the ninth President and a number of former colleagues chased down Trembley despite protests from van Buren himself.”

“Woah, what a life…”

“Trembley managed to escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed. Unable to touch him anymore once the new President learnt of and put a stop to the murder attempt, his enemies instead erased Quentin Trembley from history and officially replaced him with local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of Quentin Trembley's body are unknown.”

“Woot, woot! There’s quite a conspiracy! I can’t believe we’ve actually solved a mystery as big as this!” Mabel exclaimed as she jumped up in joy.

However, when she landed, she knocked over a chair which in turn dragged a hanging rack down which then struck a hidden panel, causing the room to begin shaking.

“What’s going on? What did you do, Mabel?” Dipper yelled.

“I didn’t do anything! I only knocked that chair over which knocked the rack over and it hit something on the wall!”

“We got to get out of here!”

Pushing the door open, Dipper and Mabel began running down a cave as the area around them began to cave-in. At the last moment, Dipper knocked Mabel into a room before jumping inside it himself as rocks fell from the ceiling.

“It’s over,” Dipper said when the shaking finally stopped.

“But where are we?” Mabel asked.

“I dunno… But seems like we’re trapped… I can feel a lever, though.”

Pulling the lever, Dipper turned on a series of old-fashioned electrical lights that showed that the twins were in a sealed room.

“We really are trapped!” Mabel yelled.

“Yeah, but look what we just stumbled on!” Dipper said as he pointed at the end of the room.

It was Quentin Trembley himself, encased in an amber-colored rectangular block.

“Whoa! Is that, like, amber or something? Wait, Mabel, what are you doing?”

Mabel touched the block and licked her hand.

“Peanut brittle, but why is he inside it?”

“Should we not be trying to find a way out?” Dipper asked.

* * *

Stan watched with satisfaction as the Northwests struggle to get their pig into the car as the creature bite and charged anyone that got too close.

In fact, the pig the Northwests were currently struggling with was not even the one Pacifica won. Stan had seen the family tie the pig to a nearby pole and waited for them to run off seeking more entertainment before replacing the pig with the violent one that he had stolen from Splott. The actual pig was currently sleeping away in the backseat of Stan’s car.

Of course, Stan’s plot didn’t end there. He just obtained something interesting from another game booth which he wasted twenty bucks on and he was feeling “generous” at this point of time.

Finally, the violent pig broke free from the Northwests and dashed into the forest, disappearing within a blink of an eye.

“My pig!” Pacifica moaned.

“Don’t worry, my precious! We’ll get you another pig! You’re very good at guessing, right?” Preston tried to reassure his daughter.

“Oh, what tough luck! Just saw ya pig dash off into the woods. What a shame,” Stan commented as he walked over to the Northwests.

“What do you want, you conman?” Preston demanded.

“Look, I don’t like seeing little girls looking upset, so here, I got this sweet llama here that might replace ya lost pig, whaddya say to it?” Stan asked as he revealed himself to be leading a llama behind him.

“And you’re just gonna give it to us for free? How suspicious.”

“Of course it is. You really think I’m a kind old man? Smokescreen!”

Stan dropped a smoke grenade to the ground, causing thick grey smoke to engulf the Northwests. By the time the smoke cleared, Stan was gone, and Preston was holding the leash to the llama as well as a note stuck to his suit which he pulled off to read.

“Beware, the llama bites. Pft, such childish pranks, Stanford Pi-ARGH! OUCH! RELEASE ME AT ONCE, YOU FOUL BEAST!”

“Mom!” Pacifica yelled as she went to hug her mother while her father tries to free his hand from the llama’s mouth.

* * *

“Hey! Let us out! Anyone there?! Help help help!” Mabel yelled.

“Forget it, Mabel, no one visits these caves at all. We’re completely trapped,” Dipper said as he sat down beside the peanut brittle block containing Quentin Trembley.

A depressed Mabel sat down next to her brother and buried her face in her arms.

“Oh. I can't believe I forgot about the trap and just jumped around and triggered that cave-in. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure.”

“No, you’re not. I mean, you manage to solve the mystery of the true founder of Gravity Falls, Mabel. You did something, at least.”

“Thanks, Dipper,” Mabel replied as she broke off a piece of peanut brittle and ate it.

“Mabel, you sure about this? I mean, we’re eating something used to preserve the body of an early nineteenth-century member of a former president’s cabinet,” Dipper asked.

“I’m hungry…” Mabel complained.

“Me too…” Dipper replied as he also broke off a piece of peanut brittle and ate it.

As the twins broke off more pieces, the peanut brittle block started to crack and without warning, it all crumbled down into chunks, scaring the twins. Then, to their amazement, Quentin Trembley opened his eyes and stretched himself.

“Aahh! He’s alive!”

“I am not alive! I am the most trusted aide of President Martin van Buren, Sir Lord Quentin Trembley the third, Esquire! Well, you can call me Quent for short. Erm, your outfits look strange. What is the year?” Quentin Trembley introduced himself.

“It’s the twenty-first century.”

“Washington’s axe! I have been sealed away for so long? It’s a miracle I am alive!”

“But how?” Dipper asked.

“Peanut brittle really does have life-sustaining properties! You're brilliant!” Mabel exclaimed.

“And so are the two of you, children. In order to avoid my pursuers, I left behind several false clues to my location, while at the same time making sure that the real clues were too silly to be taken seriously. You children sure did well in solving the secret of my location and freeing me from my delicious tomb!”

“He's right! Making maps into hats, hanging upside-down; the deliberate silliness in the clues saw to it that no one was ever able to crack the code!”

“Oh, stop it.”

“By Jefferson! It appears that the mines have caved in,” Trembley commented.

“Mines?”

“Yes, my dear children. In my time, these caves were silver mines. After they were abandoned, I choose this place to be where I shall rest until my pursuers have given up on their mission.”

“Well, sir, they wiped you out of historical records,” Dipper admitted.

“Even better! Now I can start a new life! Anyways, let us leave this place first. Luckily for you all, I anticipated a cave-in to occur at some point, so I hide a secret tunnel I made right behind where I was preserved. Watch.”

Trembley pulls out a golden rod the length of an adult’s palm and inserts it into a hole in the wall that had been behind him. Immediately, a clicking sound is heard and a secret door opened up.

“Good thing I have the President's Key, a magical key which can open any lock as long as it is within American territory by changing its shape to fit the lock! This key was entrusted to me by President van Buren himself, and it is also one of the reasons why I was hunted down by my colleagues, for it opens a vault where I have collected many weird things that I feel was too dangerous to be left in the hands of Man.”

“Awesome…” Dipper and Mabel said together.

“Come now, let us leave this dark and damp confines. I wish to see what America looks like in the twenty-first century!”

* * *

Wendy watched as Jeff emerged from the crayfish catching booth the victor, along with a new fishing rod and a box full of crayfish.

“Wow, you’re good at this,” she commented.

“Meh, my dad used to take me to fairs when he was still alive…”

“You know, you never told me much about your dad apart from the fact that he was a cop.”

“Well, you know he’s Cherokee, right? He was also into mythology, and was considered a candidate to be a traditional medicine man before he joined the police. Taught me a lot of things, he, my uncle who is also a cop and my step-grandmother.”

“Your step-grandmother?”

“Aye. My grandmother is Cherokee, but I never met her since she died when my dad was my age. My grandfather eventually remarried a woman descended from the Tillamook tribe. She was real nice to my dad and uncle though ‘cause she always wanted children but could never have one, and she really doted on me when I was still a brat.”

“Ha, well, sounds like you really are a mixed bag. Half Cherokee, quarter Chinese and Korean, and had a step-grandmother from another Native American tribe.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but I heard from my dad that we Corduroys descended from Irish and Dutch settlers that first came to America, so- Uh oh…”

Jeff and Wendy found themselves staring at Robbie, who was standing right in front of them.

“C’mon, baby, you moved on from me that fast?” Robbie asked, clearly hurt.

“This is not what you think it is,” Jeff tried to explain.

“Shut up, you no-good outsider! You really got the guts to go hang out one-on-one with my girl?”

“Look, I’m just accompanying her, nothing else!”

“Yeah, right…”

“Robbie, I already told you, it’s over,” Wendy said.

“You can’t just dump me like that!”

“And you can’t just keep lying to me and being so selfish! Seriously, at least my previous boyfriends were able to pretend to care about my feelings…”

“Yeah, all eight of them, you dirty-”

Jeff dropped his box of crayfishes and new fishing rod, walked right up to Robbie and, without a second thought, seized the guitarist by his collar and actually lifting him a few millimetres off the ground.

“Oi, I’m choking, dammit-”

“Don’t you ever say that to a girl, any girl, in front of me, or I promise you, you’ll be eating through an IV tube for at least six months,” Jeff growled as he pulled Robbie closer until their noses were almost touching before letting him go.

Robbie was stunned to see the face of the normally placid mechanic completely radiating with fury, which resembled that of a hungry, rabid wolf about to tear out the throat of its victim. Squeaking, he scampered off as the other townfolks pointed at him and looked at each other in confusion.

“Sorry, Wendy, I know you hate to see boys fight, but…”

“I know, I understand,” Wendy replied, although she was clearly not comfortable with what she just saw.

“HA HA HA HA HA! WELL DONE, CANNUCK BOY! THAT WAS SOME WARNING YOU GAVE THAT WIMP!”

“Dad?!” Wendy uttered in shock as Manly Dan is revealed to be standing behind her.

“ARGH! Mr Corduroy, sir, boss, I-I-I-I-I-I was just a-a-a-accompanying W-W-Wendy around the fair, th-th-th-that’s all, I swear!” Jeff stuttered as it became his turn to land on his butt.

“ACCOMPANYING? JUST ACCOMPANYING? BOY, IF I HAD MY WAY, I’D FORCE YA TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER!”

With that, Manly Dan walked away laughing heartily while Jeff’s jaw dropped to the ground while Wendy facepalmed at what her father just did.

“Wha- I don’t believe this! Jeff, my dad approves of you! You just made history! You’re the first guy in town my dad’s shown any respect to!” Wendy said as she helped Jeff up to his feet.

“H-h-he wants me to marry you? W-W-Why the hell did he have to say that in public?” Jeff asked, his face still in an expression of shock and fear.

“Just take it as a figure of speech,” Wendy replied, although she quickly looked away as she felt heat going into her face, having noticed that everyone was staring at them both.

“You know what? Let’s just get out of here quickly…”

* * *

“We’re free!” Dipper and Mabel yelled out in excitement as they and Trembley finally emerged from a secret tunnel that leads back to the Pioneer Day Fair.

“Now, I know this isn’t much, but you've done a service to your country and I must reward you somehow. Mabel, as thanks, I’ll let you have this magic hat. It was one of the first weird items I collected, and can be used to teleport yourself all over the place.

Trembley unfolds a black top-hat and hands it to Mabel. Mabel jumped into the hat, disappearing and then reappearing five seconds later from a portal that opened beside Dipper.

“Dipper, look! A teleportation device, and a portable one too!”

“And to you, Dipper, I want you to take possession of the President’s Key. No doubt at least one of the descendants of the ones that hunted me down would be seeking this key, and if they find out I have returned…

“I got it, sir. I’ll keep the key safe with me,” Dipper replied as he stuffed the key into his pocket.

“Good, dear boy, very good. With that key, you are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land.”

“But what would you do now, Sir Trembley?” Dipper asked.

“I shall understand more about the modern world and find a way to conceal myself within it. Firstly, I will need a new identity, and a new face, ha ha! Do not worry about me, children, I happen to be very skilled at disappearing acts! This fair seems to be the best place for me to hide until I find more… Fitting… Outfits to integrate myself. I shall hope to see you both again. Tarry well, ‘till we meet again!”

“A-greed!”

Dipper and Mabel watched as Quentin Trembley walked into the crowd, easily blending in due to his clothing, before smiling at each other and returning to the fair themselves. But then they found themselves walking past Pacifica and her parents (Preston’s hand was in a bandage) watching Pacifica’s friends run around a small maypole.

One of the girls nearly trip but managed to regain her balance, but this act irked Pacifica somehow as she ordered her friends to kick the girl off the team, an order which they duly performed.

“Hey, Dipper, I got an idea. Watch this…”

Mabel approached Pacifica.

“Hey, Pacifica! I uncovered a government conspiracy about an aide of the eighth president who was wiped from official historical records! Who's silly now?

“What are you talking about?” Pacifica asked.

“The most loyal aide of President Martin van Buren. Turns out he was still alive after all this years! How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in peanut brittle and it-”

The Northwests burst out laughing at Mabel in a mocking manner.

“Wow! You really are a sad, dumb little girl. Nice top hat, by the way,” Pacifica commented.

“Good one, daughter. Come now, let’s leave these peasants to their silliness. It is time to go home,” Preston said.

“Aren't you gonna tell her about her ate-gray ampa-gray?” Dipper asked as the Northwests entered their luxury sedan.

“You know what, Dipper? I've got nothing to prove. I’ve come to accept my silliness as part of myself!”

“Well, I haven't learned anything!”

Running to the limousine, Dipper tapped on the window to draw Pacifica’s attention, causing her to wind down the window.

“I don’t know much about you, but you sure put up a show making fun of my sister when you barely even met her for five seconds. So I did some digging and found out something about your ancestor.”

“Oh, and what is it?” Pacifica asked in a dismissive manner.

“I’m not so nasty to create a public scandal, so here you go. Official government papers. Nathaniel Northwest is not the true founder of Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it!” Dipper said hands Pacifica the documents on the Northwest cover-up through the window before turning to leave.

As the Northwest’s vehicle drives away, one could see Pacifica in the backseat reading the documents and having a shocked expression on her face right before she yelled out for her mom in a dismayed tone.

“Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!” Dipper commented as he returned to Mabel.

“Hey, look, it’s Jeff and he’s with Wendy!”

The twins approached the two.

“Ha ha, would you know it, Jeffy’s on a date with Wendy,” Mabel said.

“Sorry, dorks, Jeff and I gotta get out of this place,” Wendy said as she and Jeff hurried.

“What happened?”

“My dad just told Jeff he would force him to marry me in front of everyone, and Jeff got all traumatized, so we’re leaving as fast as we can.”

“Wendy, you’re blushing.”

“What? No! I’m not! Okay, Jeff and I really need to get out of here, ASAP!”

The two teenagers quickly ran off down back to Crook’s Bend where Jeff’s scooter was parked.

“Wow, did you see how red Wendy’s face was?” Mabel asked.

“Yeah, and Jeff looks like he just saw his nightmare come to life,” Dipper replied.

The two went back to Stan’s car, where Stan was grinning from ear to ear like as though he had won the lottery.

“Heya, kids, I never thought I would enjoy Pioneer Day this year! Heck, I didn’t just get one up over those snotty Northwests, I even got a gift for you both! Behold, the pig that I stole from them!”

Stan opened the backseat door to reveal the pig he had stolen from Pacifica earlier. Mabel shrieked with joy.

“A pig! He’s so cute!”

“He’s all yours, Mabel, if you want him.”

The pig woke up and began oinking, which for some reason sounded like “Mabel” and “friend”.

“Thank you. Grunkle Stan! I’m gonna name him Waddles! You like that name, right, Waddles?” Mabel asked as she hugged her new pet, who oinked in delight.

“Well, all’s well, ends well, I guess,” Dipper said.

“All right, kids, it’s been a long day, let’s get out of here while I’m still in a good mood,” Stan said as he ushered Dipper, Mabel and Waddles into his car before they drive off, leaving the fair behind them…

* * *

* * *

Still reeling from the shock he had gotten when Manly Dan declared him fit to be his daughter’s future husband, Jeff was focusing all his attention on the pendant’s code in order to distract himself, even as the clock in his room indicates that it was already past midnight.

“Almost got it…” he muttered as he feverishly worked on the code of the pendant.

Having already deduced two of the numbers earlier, he had figured out that the third number ‘5’ was actually a trick. The Roman numeral for 5 is the letter ‘V’, and now he’s also figured out that the fourth number ‘3’ was actually the text-slang version of the alphabet ‘E’.

The last one turned out to be the easiest despite initial confusion.

**_18 = R (order of alphabets)_ **

**_4 = A (shape similarity)_ **

**_5 = V (Roman numeral)_ **

**_3 = E (shape similarity mirrored)_ **

**_IA – 14 = N (double hide trick)_ **

“Raven. That’s what’s written on this pendant. Damn, I went through six quires of paper just to figure out the word of an animal on this pendant?” Jeff muttered to himself.

Almost in response, the pendant suddenly emitted a purple light from it before some sort of energy burst forth from it and hit Jeff right in the face.

Suddenly, Jeff found himself in a familiar landscape. It was that black-white-and-grey world that he had found himself in the first time he touched that pendant. This time round, however, he was not alone. In front of him were ten individuals standing in a circle. But as Jeff walked closer, he suddenly felt as though someone had stabbed him in the eyes.

Jeff yelled out in pain, and suddenly found himself back in his own room before he fell off the chair to the floor. The extreme pain in his eyes was still there as he rolled around on the floor clutching his face, and when the pain subsided, he finally removed his hands and began getting up to his feet. The pendant was still on the table, except it was no longer a pendant. It was a piece of metal measuring eight inches long with several carvings on it, shaped like a dagger with a key for a blade

“You got to be kidding me… What the hell was that all about?” Jeff asked out loud.

Meanwhile, outside his window, the raven that had been spying on him was once again watching him, but this time, it spoke in human language, although no one can hear it:

**_“Well done, my successor. Dark days are coming, but fear not, for a bane of evil is now in your hands…”_ **

* * *

 

 

**_Today’s Cipher: [CPPANOBECBW SR C JSEE AP HXO RCMAJW]_ **


End file.
